I mean this in the best possible way, but are people saying that their children don't stay in touch sure that this is the case?
If I can describe the situation with my own mother - she is 89 and lives alone, but has an active social life. She volunteers two days a week, has a variety of interests that involve being out of the house, and meets up with friends for lunch and coffee regularly. It's true that she goes out in the evenings less often than before, but she goes to bed at 9.00pm. She often says she never goes out, so I can only assume that she thinks that 'going out' only counts if it is after 7.00pm. My sister lives 100 miles away, but Facetimes her every day. I speak on the phone at least twice a week, and my brother lives abroad, but regularly Skypes.
Meanwhile, she tells me that her cousin's children 'never bother' with her (the cousin). The daughter gets her shopping every week, delivers it and puts it away, sticks post-its on things with sell-by dates saying when they need to be eaten, and generally makes sure that cousin is comfortable. The son and his wife do odd jobs (cut the grass and so on) and keep an eye on things. Cousin's children both work full-time, have families of their own, and don't live on the doorstep. The two versions of events don't tally at all.
This is consistent with other accounts I hear from older people. They say they aren't 'bothered with' (that is always the phrase) when they really are.
I think that things have changed since my mother's day (and her cousin's) when daughters and their mums often lived close by, the women didn't work and everyone shopped regularly in actual shops that they visited on foot. My mum called in on my grandmother several times a week when she went shopping, stayed for coffee and a chat and did little chores that were too much for Granny. My father worked 9-5 and wasn't really involved in our lives in the way dads are these days, so he was free evenings and weekends to do heavier things that needed doing. Plus, that generation were much more able to turn their hands to DIY. My husband is good at that sort of thing too, but my son wouldn't have clue - his generation can solve wifi issues and fix the laptop, but get people in to decorate and so on.
Now that most women work, people don't live nearby and children do so much after school there is less time for visits and 'hanging out'. I don't know if that's what's meant by 'bothering with'. I don't think that people really want to be a 'bother', but it often comes across that way. Another example - my daughter spends ages getting lovely cards made up on Moonpig etc. She gets old photos, thinks up slogans that fit them and are relevant and has them delivered. I am always touched by them, but when my mum gets one she says things like 'Oh, she just got one of those services to send a card'. I don't think it registers that it is as much 'bother' to do it that way as to go to a shop and buy one - it's just different.
I don't have grandchildren (yet, I hope!) but don't understand why people say they love to look after them, but seem to see it as being used when they are asked to babysit. Again, that seems like a mismatch. My Granny never babysat, but we saw her regularly when Mum called in on the way to the shops etc. As that set up probably rarely happens these days, if grandparents want a relationship with little ones they will have to find opportunities to be with them - it's not being used.
Anyway, I'm in no way saying that people are making things up, and of course posters know their own situations. I just wonder whether reframing things a bit would make them happier.
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