Its more real now

My Mum kept everything important in a shoe box on top of her wardrobe. She would remind me that it was there at every visit. She had hoards of paperwork (including her wedding gift list and the receipt for my first shoes) for me to go through but having all the important documents together made things so much easier initially.

I think this goes back to the war years where the important documents were kept in easy reach to grab when the sirens sounded.

I have a box file and am doing the same.

Thanks, Applegran. I, too, have ordered the booklet.

I am in the middle having some 'just in case of nasties' tests (that's the technical term the Consultant used!) so probably, hopefully and erroneously, feel that the booklet is a sensible way to go.

I remember my grandfather who died when I was six. My youngest grandson is six but I hope to go a bit longer!

In those days, grandparents (or at least mine) were almost Victorian and one sat and spoke only when spoken to. I had a very different relationship with them to that with my own grandchildren, whom I think (and hope) I am much closer to. Perhaps this relationship will help memories extend?

I often think of both sets of grandparents who have been dead now for some 65 years.

What is sad but is obviously the way of life, is that when I do die, memories of these people will die with me.

Gosh. I must be very self-centred. Although I think about dying a lot, I haven't really given a thought to how our DD will deal with things. I have written a letter with all our bank details, pensions, who to contact etc but that's about it. I have followed my mum in many, many ways and she died at 58 and I always assumed I would follow suit. I have made it 10 years longer than her so that's a plus. I have a really daft fear of not many people attending my funeral. I know quite a lot of people but our DD doesn't really know any of them. I was at a funeral a while ago of a man who dies in his 90s and there were only about 12 people there. I found it very sad, although I do realise that having lived that long, a lot of people he knew might have died before him. I must sort a few more things out.

Thank you Applegran just ordered a copy.

Thank you for bringing this topic up. I will order it too. We had a sudden death in our family 2 weeks ago and nothing was preplanned. A funeral was arranged a very alternative one might I add and I don’t think this person would have chosen it themselves.We are now trawling through paperwork and discovering all sorts.This prompted all of us to set out our intentions and tidy up our paperwork. I would not like to think I would leave such a mess behind me.

I visited an old friend yesterday, she’s obviously worrying about the how BlueBelle.
She’s 98 and is scared about the event, so sad.
I hope that I reassured her and said at her age without any health problems she will just go to sleep. I hope she believed me and doesn’t sit every day for the rest of her life being frightened.
I also hope I was right.
Thanks Applegran for the nudge.

A slightly different point about the end do you ever wonder how

Jenpax - thanks for that reassurance ! Come to think of it, I too have very wonderful memories of my Gran, who died when I was 8. She lived with us and was bedridden with arthritis - I used to go into her room after school and we'd listen to the soccer on the radio, and do crosswords. If my grandchildren remember me as fondly as I do her, I'll be happy.

I'm kind of hoping to be around for another 20 years or more,like my mum,granny and GG .By then my children will almost be the age I am now so I would hope they are worldy wise enough to know what needs done.If they aren't clued up then I haven't done my job properly!
Meantime we have told them exactly what we have to leave and who gets what,its all in the will so they wont have any issues with that.Personal stuff has particular people to go to,mainly GC ,my D knows the details and anything no one wants they can sell/give away or dump ...Its just a part of life that everyone has to go through,it doesn't have to be difficult even if it is emotional.
I will admit to being a very practical person though and I organised my Dads ,my mums and my FIL 's funerals .The first before I was 40 .

stella1949 If it’s any consolation I have strong and happy memories of both my fathers parents who died in the year I was 7! I even have some good ones of my mother’s father who only visited about 4 a year and died when I was 5

Ideally I would like at least another 15 years so that my dgc will always remember me. That means such a lot to me but, realistically, I know I could be gone tomorrow. It didn't seem to be an issue when I was married, you just assume your other half will deal with things but now that I'm on my own I do worry about leaving every thing sorted for my children. Like dontaskme's mum, I am also slightly obsessed with only keeping what I actually need and I have a folder listing everything my daughter will need to do, in order of importance. I update it every January and its a job which always makes me cry

I have now ordered one. My best friend told me about this some time ago, having completed one herself, but until now I had not got round to ordering one. Thank you for jogging my elbow.

BlueBelle

In my area we have something called "Goals of Care" which details what a person would want if their medical condition worsened. It ranges from full resuscitation, to medical care (treat active medical issues, may do surgery, may admit to hospital but no resuscitation or ICU admission), to comfort care only (give medications and care to treat symptoms only; don't treat active medical conditions; no admission to hospital - usually used for end of life care). We often recommend that people keep their Goals of Care sheet on their fridge. This way if emergency services had to be called it would be easily visible to first responders.

The Bodach and I have just prepared a list of whom to contact when we go. I’d know whom I should contact, but he wouldn’t have a clue!
We’d also kind of started the ‘ Swedish Death Clean’, and I found it quite depressing getting rid of things I’ll never use again.

I ve put everything I can think of in a folder and also left a note which I put on the table at night and put away in the daytime saying I do not want resusitating if I have a terminal or very serious illness
If you have an iPad or iPhone the passwords are automatically kept in settings
I ll think I ll get that book too thanks Applegran as I m sure to have forgotten something

Only 2 skips lemongrove? Mine will take about 6!

Thank you agnurse - I agree it is very important to keep passwords in a way that will enable our children to access various important things when the time comes. I have chosen not to keep them on my computer - not sure it would be safe. Of course nothing is totally safe, but I"ve printed a page of passwords and keep it somewhere they can find, but not obvious.

All of this is very important. I don't know if it's included in the Lifebook, but you'll also want to make sure you include the passwords to any online accounts that you have. Not necessarily Facebook, but if you get e-post or have online accounts for bill payments (e.g. cell phone or Internet) people will need to know those.

Another important point, especially if you store your Lifebook on the computer: make sure you write down your computer password somewhere, if you have one! I can just imagine the difficulty if the Lifebook is stored on the computer and the computer is password-protected and no one knows the password. It sounds so simple, and yet it's something one could so easily forget.

I shall order that Applegran so thanks for the info.
It’s only natural to realise we don’t have all the time in the world once we are older, but thinking about it too much
Is a very negative thing for us to do.
I plan to live positively until it comes to an end.
The DC will need to rent a couple of big skips at that point
( at our expense.) There will be no ‘Swedish death cleans’
Going on here.

When my parents went past 70 my sister used to say " take pictures every time you see them - each time could be the last". And now we're both at that age - I wonder if our kids are thinking the same.

I try to be pragmatic about it, but I do dread the thought that one day it'll all be over. The thought of my grandchildren just having vague memories of me, and our time together, is the thing that pushes me to tears.

Thanks for the tip about the book - I'll get one.

Thankyou Applegran. I will order the book as well.
It's good this topic is being discussed. We can see how the rest of us are planning for the inevitable.

Thank you, Applegran. It's one of those 'I'll get round to it sometime' projects, isn't it? Or perhaps that's just me!

What a great idea. It's something I've been meaning to do but to have a booklet to help sounds really good. Thanks for the idea Applegran. I've been thinking about death for some while now - having been close on a couple of occasions. Having a booklet makes the thoughts more positive!!!

I too have ordered a copy, thank you Applegran. My OH and I have been discussing the issue of knowing each other's passwords etc, I'm sure this will help.

Thank you Applegran, I have ordered the booklet online.