No help from DH after injury

I think some men just find it difficult to realise their wives/partners are not invincible after all. We spend all our married lives looking after them, the kids, the house etc that to suddenly have said heroine looking frail and vulnerable comes as a shock! Mine has varying degrees of sympathy depending on the situation - it takes him a day or so to realise that I actually am not well if it's not something visible and then he will be very attentive and helpful - until he thinks I should be over whatever it is then I can see he's getting fed up of playing the nurse and leaves me to fend for myself! On the whole though he's very good so I can't grumble too much.

I hope you're soon able to get around again without too much pain - bottom shuffling up and down stairs helps. Not so sure about the office chair though - I've fallen off mine a few times when it's shot back on the laminate floor as I've tried to sit down

My sympathies belle.
A month on from my accident I am well on the way to recovery (broken femur - no plaster but fixed plate bolted in).
I couldn't have coped without the help of my family and understand how distressing this must be for you.
My ex-h has been very helpful by lending DD his bigger, higher car to get me around.
I wish you a speedy recovery. Take all useful advice from using a bag, to treating your walking frame as a trolley if necessary, to working hard on your physio exercises.
I'd be tempted to speak to him in words of one syllable and say you need and deserve his help!

My thoughts on this.
Your husband is sticking his head in the sand and hoping you're injury doesn't exist if he doesn't acknowledge it.
It's because he DOES need you and love you.

The worst thing to do is let him off the hook by doing things yourself. Do that now and he'll never learn to help you.

He hates to see you weak as it means thoughts that he might one day lose you and be left alone.
In some cases it's because they are lost and scared without us. Almost like a "losing mummy" syndrome.

Don't facilitate his avoidance of your needs by doing it all yourself.

My husband was like this when I first got MS.
After many months of upset and tears, mine and his, I became very calm and cool and developed an air of high expectation.

I acted as if there was no question that he helped me
No nonsense was acknowledged.
If he moaned I ignored it completely and carried on as if it was the most normal thing in the world that he stepped up.

Very difficult at frst but it works like a dream.

My DH has been looking after me for the last few years without complaint. He does all the housework, laundry and ironing, shopping and cooking. Immediately post op he has lifted me and helped me up and downstairs and risen during the night to walk me to the bathroom. I have never once heard him moan, he is not well himself but always puts me first, he is a saint.
I think you need to remind your DH about his wedding vows.

Don't think grumpy would be my reaction but I would certainly be very very hurt. I think I might also be re-assessing our relationship which would be difficult indeed. I don't do revenge either. Makes me the lesser person, in my opinion and nursing a grudge can surely never be healthy no matter how understandable. I really wish you well. Your situation sounds horrible both physically and mentally. Good luck.

After a hip replacement my husband had to reluctantly cook. It was hellish. The combinations of food he presented me with were foul. I managed to accept each meal with good grace. But when I went out for a short walk to build up my mobility he immediately thought I should be the chef again even although my walking was so limited and I was exhausted from the short walk that I’d done. It’s something to do with stereotyped roles I think.

In my experience any changing of the older male's routine causes grumpiness, if he is normally fine with you then he just can't cope with you not being yourself. Yes of course he should but as they say he is outside his comfort zone. I sometimes think my mothers and grandmothers were lucky as there always seemed to be some unattached female relative who would turn up and sort everybody out. Do hope you are feeling better soon and do tell him how you feel over one of the cups of tea he is going to make

My MIL (85) is about to have a hip replacement and scared to death. DH is severely disabled, I am registered disabled, but mainly with chronic physical ailments and DS is Aspergers, chronic depressive and had heel surgery which still gives occasional pain. But when MIL comes home, DS and I will take it in turns, one looking after DH, the other caring for MIL. We accept that both our patients are difficult,cantankerous and will make our lives hell for the foreseeable future, but they are much loved and we wouldn't have it any different!

Unfortunately this is so common with so many selfish men. As others have posted ... revenge is sweet ... so aim for maximum impact !!

bmthbelle13, thank you for your good wishes for my son. :I hope you recover quickly too. It’s not a pleasant thing.

I agree with Luckygirl, knee scooters are great. My nephew had a melanoma cut from the sole of his foot and can't put his foot down for two months. He got a knee scooter and zooms around with no trouble.

I hired my knee scooter from these guys: www.wheelfreedom.com/products/knee-scooter/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI1uKsz4by2wIVqpztCh2ycA5MEAAYASAAEgISx_D_BwE

Thank you all for the good ideas. I’ll definitely sort out a cross body bag for carrying book etc. I’ve not heard of the knee scooter so will have a look into that.

So many good ideas on here bmthbelle hope some of them help.
Your husband is not being very caring but as ilovecheese said many men are afraid of illness or incapacity and cover it up by seeming brusque and uncaring. Tell him how hurt you feel by his attitude,
Get well soon

Also a knee trolley is great - you can hire them and scoot around like a toddler!

Your husband isn't very sympathetic then! I'd try not to ask him for things, but when you have properly recovered, I'd suggest doing less for him than you've done before.

I broke my wrist on holiday (the 2nd day there) in Croatia 2 years ago, and my husband had to help me to shower and get dressed (I hated it), but once we were home, he had to go back to work, and then I was left to do everything myself. Strange that my "friend", whom I'd accompanied to every one of her radiotherapy sessions, and whose washing, ironing and cleaning I did for 6 MONTHS was ever so busy and unavailable!

I would certainly go on strike and let him know why.
When I fell and broke my arm/shoulder 3 yrs ago my OH would not let me move and waited on me hand and foot,the break did not heal well and still causes painful problems and he still fusses about helping me with everything he is a treasure thats for sure.

Can you stay at a daughter or sons for a few weeks or even a close friend and leave him to it
Miserable old so and so

He has to go up and down the steps on his bottom.
That's the easy bit - it's getting up from your bottom that is most difficult!

Do you have an office chair or can you borrow one bmthbelle?
I found it great for whizzing around on when I had a plaster cast - we do have wooden or laminate floors though.
Some of the paint needed touching up afterwards too as I probably needed 'L' plates.

But don't let him get away with not helping you!

Too lighten the mood will share an anecdote with you. A few years ago I had serious food poisoning - was not till I had recovered that I realised just how poorly I had been. Pretty much spent 2 weeks in bed and OH had to feed himself and do most other things, I was actually delirious in the early days and then week as a kitten after.
Can distinctly remember him coming home and checking on me and then describing at length all the ready meals he had bought himself and how much he had enjoyed one in particular!...Me - I pooped and icked projectile fashion for two weeks and lost over a stone and when mobile caught sight of my self in the mirror and my normally chubby face was positively skull like and green!
Hey ho!
I think the trouble was not that he did not care its just that I was always such a can-do sort of person until then. Had not really been truly ill and he was just not able to adjust. He has got a lot better in later years. I do not travel well so have bouts of sickness and am quite debilitated for a couple of days. He's not the best nurse but stays with me, if I ask (sometimes I prefer to crawl away and die)....he will get things and do jobs if I ask specifically. But I do think he had to be trained and still needs a little 'encouraging' from time to time. My Mum used to say....'lay it on a bit thick' and then they just have to help a bit more!

Luckygirl totally agree with the shoulder bag, mine has been invaluable.

He needs a kick up the arse!

I look after OH all the time, day in day out, night in night out. Let us hope your OH does not find himself in a similar situation- you would have every right to leave him to stew in his own juice.

By the way, google "crutch pod" and you will find lots of useful items that fix to a crutch so you can carry stuff. Also a shoulder bag put on diagonally is very useful. I speak as one with lots of practice in this field!!

@Grandma70s
I hope your son recovers quickly and your dil looks after him.

@GrannyGravy13 sorry to hear your hobbling about as well.

I’ve decided to chill and not get stressed about it all otherwise it’s going to be a very long 6 weeks!!! I was just glad to read from your comments that I wasn’t over reacting x

bmthbelle13 I am in exactly the same predicament as you - fractured metatarsal and a 'non-displaced' fracture of my ankle. Husband is doing ok'ish, but I do feel peeved when he asks if I really want some lunch? He has been ok on the cooking front, just have to remind him that there are vegetables or salad and a meal is not just meat and new potatoes!!!!

I think we must have spoilt them and they go a bit off kilter when things are not as they are used to.

Fortunately I am not in a cast, just an aircast boot, which is a lot cooler in this weather, and if I am careful I take it off to shower, not that great at putting any weight on it yet, so reliant on crutches.

I did respectfully point out that when I last had a fracture and that time in a cast from toes to knee, with 3 children at home (youngest being 6) he didn't have 1 day off work. Yes I got on with it but I was 20 years younger.

Wishing you a speedy recovery, stay calm and try to relax as much as you can. ???