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No help from DH after injury

(61 Posts)
bmthbelle13 Tue 26-Jun-18 14:15:21

I’ve recently fractured my ankle and have a toe to knee plaster cast and am on crutches. Surprisingly my husband is not being very supportive. I am otherwise fit and healthy and have managed as best I can without asking for help too much.

Yesterday we argued because he said I’d asked for things 4 times and he hoped I wasn’t going to ask for anything else. I don’t think I’d asked for 4 things and he can’t remember what they were so I think he was just sounding off. I feel cross that he doesn’t feel able to help me without it being an issue.

I reminded him that I pushed him around in a wheelchair a few years ago when he injured his leg without complaining.

He works part time from home and our children are all grown with just the youngest at home. So he’s not exactly rushed off his feet and has the time to make the odd cuppa for me.

Am I right to feel grumpy with him?

Ilovecheese Tue 26-Jun-18 14:21:47

Well yes you are right to feel grumpy. Husbands are often terrified of anything going wrong with their wives, and take their worries out on said wives!

SueDonim Tue 26-Jun-18 14:27:10

Remind him of the vows about in sickness and in health that he took!

I'd have starved to death in my own bed if my Dh hadn't cared for me when I broke my leg. I couldn't even get up in the morning without help.

I did feel bad about continually asking for help but what else could I do? Thankfully, we both survived!

allsortsofbags Tue 26-Jun-18 14:29:51

I am so sad when I see post like this. I am so sorry you are in this situation.

I wouldn't be feeling grumpy I'd be furious. And I would be giving the relationship a good hard look.

Wow what a lot of information he has given you.

A real insight into the type of no care/neglect he is showing now and what you might expect should you ever need more care in the future.

For the immediate future is there anywhere you could go and stay for a couple of weeks where you will get some care? If so I'd be going and leaving him to do for himself.

I hope you rest as much as you can and STOP doing things for him so you can get well as soon as possible. flowers

Bridgeit Tue 26-Jun-18 14:39:56

Never mind being grumpy with him ,You have every right to be furious with him.
If it was me I would look after myself as best I could & totally leave him to sort himself out

OldMeg Tue 26-Jun-18 14:47:08

Totally agree with Bridgeit exactly what I was going to post. Look after yourself. Refuse his help. And don’t do anything for him.

Niobe Tue 26-Jun-18 15:07:41

Revenge is a dish best served cold. Wait until you are totally better then stop doing anything for him, no cooking, no laundry etc

bmthbelle13 Tue 26-Jun-18 15:09:07

Bridgeit and oldmeg. That’s what I’m doing, just doing what I need to do for me (which is taking ages) and leaving him to look after himself. It’s not like him as he is usually pretty easy going and will often bring me a cup of tea in bed etc but this has upset me. I don’t really need looking after as such, just fetching things as not possible to carry things on crutches and going up and down stairs for something takes forever!!

Grandma70s Tue 26-Jun-18 15:10:34

My son has just broken his ankle in two places, and is in plaster and on crutches like in the OP. He has two young children and lives in a house where there are steps to everywhere, to the kitchen, to the loo - everywhere. He has to go up and down the steps on his bottom.

I don’t know yet how his wife is reacting, but it will certainly be difficult for her to have to do everything, including all the driving and gardening. I do hope she’s being nice. It’s a test of personality.

Teetime Tue 26-Jun-18 15:28:41

bmthbelle13 I am so sorry for you and cross with your DH who at one time made you a promise to look after you. Spend some of his money and get someone in to help you and have a big treat while you are at it. I hope you get better soon. smile

Izabella Tue 26-Jun-18 15:30:15

When you go back to the # clinic ask them how soon it will be before you can have either a walking plaster put on or alternatively a moon boot. Meanwhile go on strike.

I think your OH is being rather unkind not to help and be supportive. As someone up thread posted, "for better or for worse etc."

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

GrannyGravy13 Tue 26-Jun-18 15:54:14

bmthbelle13 I am in exactly the same predicament as you - fractured metatarsal and a 'non-displaced' fracture of my ankle. Husband is doing ok'ish, but I do feel peeved when he asks if I really want some lunch? He has been ok on the cooking front, just have to remind him that there are vegetables or salad and a meal is not just meat and new potatoes!!!!

I think we must have spoilt them and they go a bit off kilter when things are not as they are used to.

Fortunately I am not in a cast, just an aircast boot, which is a lot cooler in this weather, and if I am careful I take it off to shower, not that great at putting any weight on it yet, so reliant on crutches.

I did respectfully point out that when I last had a fracture and that time in a cast from toes to knee, with 3 children at home (youngest being 6) he didn't have 1 day off work. Yes I got on with it but I was 20 years younger.

Wishing you a speedy recovery, stay calm and try to relax as much as you can. 💐💐💐

bmthbelle13 Tue 26-Jun-18 16:12:12

@Grandma70s
I hope your son recovers quickly and your dil looks after him.

@GrannyGravy13 sorry to hear your hobbling about as well.

I’ve decided to chill and not get stressed about it all otherwise it’s going to be a very long 6 weeks!!! I was just glad to read from your comments that I wasn’t over reacting x

Luckygirl Tue 26-Jun-18 16:14:46

He needs a kick up the arse!

I look after OH all the time, day in day out, night in night out. Let us hope your OH does not find himself in a similar situation- you would have every right to leave him to stew in his own juice.

By the way, google "crutch pod" and you will find lots of useful items that fix to a crutch so you can carry stuff. Also a shoulder bag put on diagonally is very useful. I speak as one with lots of practice in this field!!

GrannyGravy13 Tue 26-Jun-18 16:32:03

Luckygirl totally agree with the shoulder bag, mine has been invaluable.

HildaW Tue 26-Jun-18 16:47:03

Too lighten the mood will share an anecdote with you. A few years ago I had serious food poisoning - was not till I had recovered that I realised just how poorly I had been. Pretty much spent 2 weeks in bed and OH had to feed himself and do most other things, I was actually delirious in the early days and then week as a kitten after.
Can distinctly remember him coming home and checking on me and then describing at length all the ready meals he had bought himself and how much he had enjoyed one in particular!...Me - I pooped and icked projectile fashion for two weeks and lost over a stone and when mobile caught sight of my self in the mirror and my normally chubby face was positively skull like and green!
Hey ho!
I think the trouble was not that he did not care its just that I was always such a can-do sort of person until then. Had not really been truly ill and he was just not able to adjust. He has got a lot better in later years. I do not travel well so have bouts of sickness and am quite debilitated for a couple of days. He's not the best nurse but stays with me, if I ask (sometimes I prefer to crawl away and die)....he will get things and do jobs if I ask specifically. But I do think he had to be trained and still needs a little 'encouraging' from time to time. My Mum used to say....'lay it on a bit thick' and then they just have to help a bit more!

Jalima1108 Tue 26-Jun-18 17:30:03

Do you have an office chair or can you borrow one bmthbelle?
I found it great for whizzing around on when I had a plaster cast - we do have wooden or laminate floors though.
Some of the paint needed touching up afterwards too as I probably needed 'L' plates.

But don't let him get away with not helping you!

Jalima1108 Tue 26-Jun-18 17:32:07

He has to go up and down the steps on his bottom.
That's the easy bit - it's getting up from your bottom that is most difficult!

BlueBelle Tue 26-Jun-18 17:38:54

Can you stay at a daughter or sons for a few weeks or even a close friend and leave him to it
Miserable old so and so

glammanana Tue 26-Jun-18 18:28:20

I would certainly go on strike and let him know why.
When I fell and broke my arm/shoulder 3 yrs ago my OH would not let me move and waited on me hand and foot,the break did not heal well and still causes painful problems and he still fusses about helping me with everything he is a treasure thats for sure.

JustALaugh Tue 26-Jun-18 18:34:43

Your husband isn't very sympathetic then! I'd try not to ask him for things, but when you have properly recovered, I'd suggest doing less for him than you've done before.

I broke my wrist on holiday (the 2nd day there) in Croatia 2 years ago, and my husband had to help me to shower and get dressed (I hated it), but once we were home, he had to go back to work, and then I was left to do everything myself. Strange that my "friend", whom I'd accompanied to every one of her radiotherapy sessions, and whose washing, ironing and cleaning I did for 6 MONTHS was ever so busy and unavailable!

Luckygirl Tue 26-Jun-18 18:48:27

Also a knee trolley is great - you can hire them and scoot around like a toddler!

sodapop Tue 26-Jun-18 19:12:36

So many good ideas on here bmthbelle hope some of them help.
Your husband is not being very caring but as ilovecheese said many men are afraid of illness or incapacity and cover it up by seeming brusque and uncaring. Tell him how hurt you feel by his attitude,
Get well soon flowers

bmthbelle13 Tue 26-Jun-18 20:09:25

Thank you all for the good ideas. I’ll definitely sort out a cross body bag for carrying book etc. I’ve not heard of the knee scooter so will have a look into that.

Luckygirl Tue 26-Jun-18 20:22:58

I hired my knee scooter from these guys: www.wheelfreedom.com/products/knee-scooter/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI1uKsz4by2wIVqpztCh2ycA5MEAAYASAAEgISx_D_BwE