Breaking away

I too ditched a friend after 40 years,I tried to see the good in her,because her mother wasn’t kind to her and compared her with her prettier sister,but her upbringing made her very hard on her children and husband, he died of heart attack at 42.I think I started to judge her more as time went on,and used to dread seeing her.There was no row,I just stopped making contact,she never queried why.Familiarity breeds contempt!

You call her a friend...I don’t think so, she’s toxic!

Good for you crazyH. I know you'll feel happier and a great relief without her. I've been there by continuing a "so called friendship" with ex husband. As Yellowmellow says, we are treated how WE allow people to treat us. All the best.

I have found that most of my close friendships have a lifespan of approximately fifteen years. After that we have generally moved on in life or changed to a point where we no longer share anything in common. There are a couple of friends who I can go months without seeing and it is always as if we have never been apart when we do meet up.

By the way, my kids are not too keen on her......they have known her for as long as I have, and keep saying, they have yet to see a smile on her face. They say all your other friends are so cheerful and jokey ...they call this one Aunty HappyFace?

Yes, I was a glutton for punishment........the one reason I stuck with her was that she was hospitable. Her door was always open so to speak, but once you enter the door, the conversation is all about me, me, me, and ends up either with discussions on politics, religion (she once told me I wasn't a good Christian, because I couldn't quote from it). She berates other religions.
Another reason I tolerated her was the mutual friends we have...they too have the same opinion of her, but are more tolerant than I am. We are a little group of 4 ...we meet occasionally for coffee. But I have told the other friends I am dropping out....enough is enough.

Oh I have a friend like this but she’s not tight she’s toxic, she complains about everyone. None of her neighbours talk to her nor do her family. She’s never married or had children but desperate for both.Shes a very jealous person and very nosy. If she gets in with a new friend she drops you and lies about where she is or what she’s doing. She can turn on you like a sixpence. If you don’t answer the phone to her or reply to her messages she sends you messages asking if your ignoring her.Its all very tiring so like you crazy I’ve had enough, why do we allow these so called friends anymore of our time than they deserve.

Meanness alone would make me not want her in my life.

Hi CrazyH, theres a part of me that feels very sorry for your friend. She sounds very insecure and unhappy. Sometimes lashing out says more about her than her victims. Very sad.

Ditto my 1st post, walk away ....

Crumbs! Another post on Friendships. Are they worth all the aggro I'm wondering??? If you go off a friend for whatever reason why worry - find another or go without.
Sorry to sound harsh but why put up with it?

This discussion appears in the daily list from GN as ‘She made nasty comments about the grandkids’, wh is quite a remove from the OP’s heading of Breaking Away. The grandchildren mentioned were those of a third person, and were brought in as an example of unfriendly behaviour. This sort of thing has happened before and IMO it skews the thread.

All above is right you'd be better off on your own than have that in your life!

You appear a 'glutton for punishment' What has taken you until now to decide enough is enough.?

I have ditched a 'friend' this year too. She too was had racist tendencies, although they were getting worse in the last two years. Her dils weren't good enough for her sons to a point where one sent her a scathing 4 page text telling her how awful she was!!
I am so pleased to be rid of her , hopefully you'll feel the same too ?

I agree with all of the above. Put your boots on firmly and walk away from her. No big announcement just the dust as you walk away.

She's not a friend, ditch her.

There have to be positive reasons for a friendship and there must have been reasons you stayed friends. It would be interesting to know what they could be.
I have put up with difficult people longer than I should have done because they liked doing the same kind of things that I did but that doesn't sound like the case here.
If it is a fear of loneliness, that can be difficult but you clearly do have family that you are close to and if you spend time alone you may end up preferring it to this.

I think some people get into a bad habit of criticising others. It is probably down to insecurity. I have a lovely friend who always sees others and situations in a positive light. She is refreshing to be around. Sometimes I think it is good for us all to stop moaning and just try and say positive things.

I walked away from a 60 year plus friendship 12 months ago after years of feeling very unhappy with our long friendship which caused me nights of lost sleep worrying. What forced me to do this was her complete lack of interest or support when two very close family members were both diagnosed with cancer within a couple of weeks. I have not heard a word from her since which has relieved me of all the angst involved dealing with a totally self centred person who despite extreme wealth ‘never had any money,’ so ‘would I mind paying’ Again! And again! Her constant critisism of others was draining, it’s sad after so long, but definitely for the best.

IMO, you should only have people in your life who add something to it.

I also believe that shaking up the bag of friends and weeding out those with whom contact is sporadic at best or one sided, is a good thing. Then make new friends to freshen up tbe mix. The same old same old can (but not always) get tedious after years of contact and hearing the same moans and stories.

I join different clubs through MeetUp and make friends with different interests (and stories)

A change is as good as a rest.

Why are you still friends with her and seeing her. Walk away.

Erm, why are you friends with this person?

Just not worth it is it. Why put up with someone, when they are rude, toxic and rascist. I learnt my lesson a long time ago. Much better without them.

Gosh, I'm amazed you tolerated this relationship for so long. Can't see a single attraction. Care to elaborate on even one advantage or pleasure, please?