Breaking away

Sounds awful, how could you look forward to meeting with this 'friend' ?
Friendship should be a two way thing.

Not before time!
She sounds a very unpleasant person. If you haven’t got it in you to tell her a few home truths (tempting!) just make sure you are otherwise engaged if she contacts you and keep your distance.

I feel not all friendships are meant to last forever and this one certainly sounds like its run its course.

I wouldn't even bother to explain myself, she wont change, those types of people never do.

Best thing is what you've done, move on and enjoy your life.

Thinking of you crazyH, I am in a similar situation, she is too busy to see me over the summer, even though I am on my own so not replying to emails and hopefully the 40 year friendship will lapse. You really do not need a toxic person in your life and I know exactly how you feel with the sense of freedom and the lack of being judged. There is no place for homophobia, racism and misogyny in my life.

I have been in a similar position, I do not know why I met with my "friend" on a weekly basis, I would dread it for a couple of days before, be in a foul mood the day of meeting a feel relief when it was over, madness on my part. I have not seen her for a couple of months, due to holidays and excuses on my part, it feel so good I have no idea why I kept the "friendship" going.

I'm glad that you have made a self valuing choice crazyH.

No one needs that level of toxicity in their lives so good for you.

There are some lovely people around that want the best for us, for themselves and for any situation so find them and leave the meanies in the past.

I've met some lovely ladies here on GN, some in person and some in the ether - or "on the cloud" - as DD's say :-)

Enjoy your toxic free time and although it gets harder as we age I hope you can fill the space you've cleared with some joyous, kind friends.

What definition of ‘friend’ do you have?

There seems to be no friendship on her part . Walk away and find someone you can enjoy being with.

Time to say goodbye. Why would you waste your time with such a nasty person? Surely you have better things to do and nicer people in your life?

We all have toxic people in our lives. They can be friends or family, work colleagues etc etc. Some people we can cut out of our lives, others its not so easy if they are family, but in that case its about 'management'. If anyone causes you upset or distress.....its our choice as to whether we limit our time, not see them etc....we are treated how WE allow people to treat us

What Ginny says!
We really don’t need ‘friends’ like the one you describe.

How come it took you 30 years?

Gosh, I'm amazed you tolerated this relationship for so long. Can't see a single attraction. Care to elaborate on even one advantage or pleasure, please?

Just not worth it is it. Why put up with someone, when they are rude, toxic and rascist. I learnt my lesson a long time ago. Much better without them.

Erm, why are you friends with this person?

Why are you still friends with her and seeing her. Walk away.

IMO, you should only have people in your life who add something to it.

I also believe that shaking up the bag of friends and weeding out those with whom contact is sporadic at best or one sided, is a good thing. Then make new friends to freshen up tbe mix. The same old same old can (but not always) get tedious after years of contact and hearing the same moans and stories.

I join different clubs through MeetUp and make friends with different interests (and stories)

A change is as good as a rest.

I walked away from a 60 year plus friendship 12 months ago after years of feeling very unhappy with our long friendship which caused me nights of lost sleep worrying. What forced me to do this was her complete lack of interest or support when two very close family members were both diagnosed with cancer within a couple of weeks. I have not heard a word from her since which has relieved me of all the angst involved dealing with a totally self centred person who despite extreme wealth ‘never had any money,’ so ‘would I mind paying’ Again! And again! Her constant critisism of others was draining, it’s sad after so long, but definitely for the best.

I think some people get into a bad habit of criticising others. It is probably down to insecurity. I have a lovely friend who always sees others and situations in a positive light. She is refreshing to be around. Sometimes I think it is good for us all to stop moaning and just try and say positive things.

There have to be positive reasons for a friendship and there must have been reasons you stayed friends. It would be interesting to know what they could be.
I have put up with difficult people longer than I should have done because they liked doing the same kind of things that I did but that doesn't sound like the case here.
If it is a fear of loneliness, that can be difficult but you clearly do have family that you are close to and if you spend time alone you may end up preferring it to this.

She's not a friend, ditch her.

I agree with all of the above. Put your boots on firmly and walk away from her. No big announcement just the dust as you walk away.

I have ditched a 'friend' this year too. She too was had racist tendencies, although they were getting worse in the last two years. Her dils weren't good enough for her sons to a point where one sent her a scathing 4 page text telling her how awful she was!!
I am so pleased to be rid of her , hopefully you'll feel the same too ?

You appear a 'glutton for punishment' What has taken you until now to decide enough is enough.?