Family Drama

So trips you suggest are declined, too, but not trips that siblings suggest? So it's not just DD and what she can/can't afford? I'm sorry, but I think there's more going on here than meets the eye. Muffin may have hit it.

Regardless, congratulations on the coming grandbaby! Enjoy meeting baby and celebrating GS' birthday, as well! And give less mental and emotional energy to your mother and siblings and the related issues!

It sounds to me as though your mother is very controlling in the way she uses money to manipulate you all. She is responsible for the “family dramas” because without realising it you all play her games.

I had a mother and grandmother who liked to use a money inheritance as bait for a bout of nastiness - my grandmother's letters were legendary and I even was driven to returning one torn into tiny pieces! It all used to hurt so much and then having my own children, I learnt to stand back and refuse to let them get involved in this so would not respond in any way. Prioritise who is most important to you and concentrate on them. Rise above any remarks and consistently refuse to be drawn into any argument. Some people sadly do revert to childhood as they get older, do not think of the past but what you have now and in the future.

I see so much love for GC on this site from women who I assume are last 60, and then hear horror stories of intergenerational upset based on next-to-nothing.
So sorry to hear of such sadness. I just hope we don't turn into such grandmothers in a few years' time.

Reading between the lines your mother is completely in the wrong and was tactless and somewhat cruel to your daughter. I don't suppose she is going to change, as from your own words, she isn't going to back down and admit she is wrong.

You do not seem in any way mercenary, quite the reverse. However, your mother clearly is and is using her financial clout to manipulate her family.

I should keep the peace in relationship terms but think about the money in the long term. Do you want a decent inheritance? Suck up then and get the grandchildren to be oleaginous too and you have an outside chance of 'copping a drink'.

If you are not bothered by the money and want to keep to the moral high ground, take plenty of no notice.

This has been hard and complicated and I am sorry you had so much distress, on your own behalf and for your daughter. It is good that your mother apologised - this may have been very hard for her and probably worth accepting it with grace and not probing for more. How about thinking ahead, say, 5 years, and asking yourself from that perspective what is most important and what it would be good for you to do now?

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Does any of it it really matter?
What a palaver over who said what to whom about something or other.

My mother is 77 and says all sorts of things that make you gasp. She is never wrong and holds on to her money so that she can batter us all with her gifts or future promises. You never accept anything from her without realising that, in her eyes, it makes you beholden to her well beyond the grave. She finds it terribly upsetting when you tell her that her money means nothing to you! She will try to divide and conquer with the money whilst having one particular Grandchild whom she will throw money at no matter how badly said GD behaves. As my mother gets older, she just gets worse and, quite frankly, I find her an embarrassment with her loud views about everything!
I think your daughter is probably right, put it behind you. You only give your Mum leverage if you let it so I think your idea of the matter being closed is a really good one. Don't be tempted to discuss it and if she tries, end the conversation. It is possible that your sister's feeling of entitlement to money has your mother feeling quite jaded but that is for her too work out, not take out on you and your family.

GabriellaG, if you don't like the topic, why don't you just scroll on by instead of being so rude. Nobody compels you to be involved with stuff you find trivial.

?. That is one thing J have NEVER been able to do. Get’s me nowhere I guess. Too funny!

You say your mother is 75, then talk about your great-granddaughter. So your mother at 75 has a great-great-granddaughter. On average, each generation was about 16 years 4 months old when the next was born. Fast work!

Elegran - yes possibly. My mother is 75. I am 57. My daughter actually took her time and finished her Masters Degree. She was 32 in the year she gave birth. The little one is 3! If I had to do it all over again, I would have waited. But it was the early 80's, things were very different back then.

icanhandthemback - your username is excellent! Thank you for your feedback. Seems like we are in the same boat. There are instances where my mother can be so rude even to service staff. I just gasp and am appalled at times. I will mention it but tactfully.

Once again, thank you for the positive feedback. I have been extremely selective and have taken all into consideration. Considering I live in a French speaking area of Canada, thank you for reading my post. I realize it may not have been written exactly as I intended to explain it, but speaking two languages sometime affects grammar. Here we even mix the two or will encounter an anglophone neighbour on the street and hold an entire conversation in French. Anyway, I am rambling, thank you for your patience and understanding.

The one thing I thought of as I was reading this post was "Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?" lorrieartiste maybe you can ask your mom this sometime?

So it must be your mother's great-granddaughter, not yours! You said "the whole incident started with my great granddaughter's annual birthday party" which made me think that you were all gymslip mothers, from the great-great grandma to the greatgrandma (you), the grandma and the mother of the little one. Family dramas indeed!

Oups! So pleased I cleared that up Elegran! That post was written while upset. I should have proofread it! Just spoke with Mom actually and the conversation was like nothing amiss ever happened. I wish I was not so sensitive on behalf of my daughter. But I would assume that is normal for a Mum.

There is a saying that you can pick your friends but not your relations and would say this applies to you. Your Mother seems like hard work and obviously u willing to compromise on anything. I would stop any contact at least for a while. If she genuinely cares about her family she will contact you. Some you win, some you lose.

Who's the drama queen?

icanhandthemback
Are you the arbiter of my comments and my choice as to whether I comment or not?
You are not even the OP and it was her rambling post to which I referred.

No GabriellaG, I am not the arbiter of your comments but you can often be so rude to people in your posts although, for the life of me, I can't think why.