Family moving in

Ds, dil and dgs age 2, left 2 days ago after 9 weeks. I seemed to revert to mum of 5! Both parents work long hours so I cooked and did laundry. Not much cleaning was done due to boxes, racks if clothes etc. We do have 2 bathrooms which helped. The upside of this was breakfast nearly every morning with dgs and story time in the evening, such a delight! Other ds and dil been here twice and we've all survived!

Don't be overly worried and I honestly wouldn't think of setting out rules as some have suggested. We have had all ours back at various times, often with a dog to join our existing dogs. One stay planned for a month lasted 10 months and another planned for 2 months lasted over four. They did their own washing, occasionally cooked for all of us but as they were out at work we tended to cook during the week.
I'd say flexibility and acceptance of each others differences is important. You'll know already whether the existing relationships allow for that, if they do - you'll be fine. We did fine going to visit friends or having weekends away helped.
Family life - if we're lucky enough to have adult children who feel comfortable coming to stay, we'll do it won't we.

We make sure we get to the shower early before anyone else. Then we go down for breakfast and a cup of tea. By this time everyone else in the house have heard us moving about so they all start rushing for the bathroom. Whilst all this is going on we sit back and watch the mayhem. Our DS Dil and two Grandchildren only stay for eight days. If they stayed any longer I would have to go outside and jump off the kerb, [nothing too high] ?. Good luck. Xx

Hi we are in the same situation right now - 4 weeks in and still talking with an extra 2 adults a 3 and 4 year old with us ! Yes - do go away for a few days if you can to give them space - we’ve had a week away and it was lovely. Kitchen and washing machine always busy, lots of wet towels and noise levels very high ! They buy and cook their own food and have their own fridge/ freezer in the garage. Also they’ve rigged up a small tv in their bedroom. We usually eat separately as they eat earlier with the children. Would have been easier outside the school holidays ! My house is usually tidy so having to turn a blind eye to the untidiness and say nothing. But I know they are trying hard and I’ll miss them when they’ve gone - and remember it’s hard for them too - they don’t really want to be staying with you either ! Good Luck ??

Loads of reassurance, plus some damn fine practical ideas too, , I really am very grateful to you all for the help and experience

Our daughter, son in law and grandaughter (then aged 2) came to live with us for just over a year while trying to find somewhere to buy and to save money. It helped that we had enough space for them to have their own living room and I think it would have been very different without having our own space especially in the evenings. So if you don't have this perhaps you could make your bedroom more of a sanctuary? They worked online from home too and brought some furniture with them. I spent three months before they came clearing out a lot of our old junk (exhausting but very timely!) We had family meals some weekends but no fixed regimen. My son in law (should I write Sil? I'm new to this) usually did their cooking in the evenings and we'd eat after them. I loved chatting with my son in law sometimes while he cooked and missed this a lot when they moved. I often hoovered their living room but apart from that we mostly looked after our own washing etc and did our own shopping for food - and could borrow from each other if necessary! It was lovely having our grandaughter with us and seeing what a lovely Mum our daughter is. We're all still friends - they bought a house and moved about 2 years ago. Good luck Nanna58!

I took my elderly father in because he lived 200 miles away and I didn’t think he had much time left. He almost died from. COPD flare just before. He’s been here nearly two years and it’s putting incredible strain on the family especially me. I would definitely think twice if you can.

My daughter sil and 6 week old baby moved in for a couple of months while their house was gutted. I was dreading it! But it turned into a wonderful few months that I wouldn’t have missed. Didn’t want them to leave! Watched grandson grow, smile and enjoyed having my daughter around. Enjoy, forget about mess it can be cleared up. Falling out and arguing leaves bad memories and scars. When they have gone take a deep breath and remember they choose you and I am sure you would have felt left out if they gone to live with his Mum and Dad

My son and his two children have stayed with us twice, both times for about 2 months . We all survived ! The best thing was to have a frank talk on Day 1 about everyone's expectations . We all got along fine - I think it helped that we do have two full bathrooms and two separate toilets, and a good internet connection !

My daughter and son in law and I live together already and we never have a problem. Recently my eldest son, daughter in law ( pregnant) and granddaughter moved out having lived with us for six months. My daughter and I were just chatting about it yesterday and how well it went. We nicknamed ourselves The Walton’s! When they left I felt a bit depressed. No tiny figure bursting into my room in the morning saying Nana it’s time to get up ! Wishing you all the best I’m sure everything will be fine ?

This may sound awful but I couldn't face it. Since children left we have done up the house, new furniture, no pets. Couldn't face ring stains on wood, ketchup on sofa, dog mess in garden, hair everywhere and the general noise for 3 months. I contributed to a short term rental for them to stay in. D's was very happy with that too as she said she would have found it stressful worrying about it all. It's family life, I've been there with kids too. But I'm over all that and didn't want to risk falling out. Make sure you have some agreed rules over things that matter to you like where kids eat, cleaning up the kitchen etc.

I’d admit to feeling a bit down when mine left too, Amira15, especially on day 1 when there was no smiling grandson to greet me at breakfast time! You soon get back to normal though. I’d say yes in a heartbeat if my lot needed a place to stay again.

I have been through this twice, had DS and DIL live with me for five months. A couple of weeks after DS left DD moved in with me and stayed three months.
DH worked away at the time which eased the load on the bathroom.
I had to replace most of my kitchen equipment after DS left and nearly all my crockery and casserole dishes got broken, he was a very heavy handed dish washer. I have since invested in a dishwasher.
What I am saying is expect heavy wear and tear on your house and be prepared to have to decorate and replace carpets and furniture.

Hire a portaloo for the duration?

Make out a schedule for who uses the bathroom when in the morning, as obviously those going to work need it more than those staying at home.

Sit down with your DD or SIL (whichever of them cooks at home) and plan who cooks and when you eat. Make sure you are all in agreement regarding what your DGS and the dog are allowed to do and not allowed to.

Then try and take it as it comes. After all, you wouldn't have agreed to take them in, would you, if they were all a right pain, would you?

Book your dental appointment now, because you'll be gritting your teeth a lot! Patience, patience, and more patience, will be required. I agree with others that sitting down together and working out some "guidelines" could be a very good idea. And definitely book yourselves a few weekends away! Good luck!

I stayed with DD when I moved from Somerset to Devon, very small house & I had DD's bedroom, she moved in with DGS & her OH slept downstairs. 2 weeks was enough for all of us. I tried to stay out as much as possible. I also go to stay with DM for a week at a time (neither of us could share a house for longer).

I agree you need to sort out a few "rules" to make life easier & I'm sure it'll all work out. Ignore the little niggles & possible untidiness, all will be fine, keep telling yourself it's not forever

Nana58
Patience,? a sense of humour,? grin and bear it?Then after they have gone and normal service is resumed and you don't see them for weeks on end hold back on ' when are you going to visit its been a long time since we saw you.

Our son, daughter in law and two grandkids moved in for six weeks last winter. They all had nasty colds plus DIL had an abscess on a tooth and to cap it all the boiler stopped working. It was absolute hell, but we all muddled along and apart from a couple of grumpy words managed to remain on good terms. Strangely enough, we missed them when they left and rather wished they didn’t have to go. There’s nowt so queer as folks as my dad used to say.

I'd make sure I ate first as there would be pots, pans and dishes all over the kitchen if you cooked after them, plus, you'd be in the way prepping your meal when they bring dirty dishes into kitchen.
Bathroom rules for cleaning it before they jog off to work, toilet left clean and wet towels in laundry. Wet washing to be taken out of machine when finished, not left when they're short of time getting to work. It's easy to think mum will tidy up, empty machine, make beds.

Nanna58, I expect their stay will bring lots of happiness as well as the occasional frustrations.

I have read all comments with great interest as my daughter and three children are coming over for a month at Christmas, joining the daughter and much younger grandchild who live with me. Fortunately SIL cannot come with them. Trying to keep bored Dad entertained in mid Winter was far harder than finding activities for the children. I wish they could come in Summer but this will be their long holiday from school and they do love a chilly Christmas!

This is not the first time they have come, rather the third since they had three children but the children are much older and it will be completely different. We can fit them in but only by my moving into the tiny box room since I don’t want to share with a child for a month. I am so glad I had a downstairs shower and second shower put in when I could no longer get in (or out) of a bath.

I’m so excited but trepidatious too.

I have never had my children and families stay with me other than for holidays but when my DH and I plus 4 children returned from abroad my darling parents were more than happy for us to stay. My DB had to move his bed into the dining room as trying to fit 6 extra people into a 3 bedroom house was quite a feat.
Everything that could go wrong did. My DP left for a two week holiday and the younger 3 started with measles and I was taken to hospital with severe pains. So DP came back to that. Then I had to go back into hospital to have my gall bladder removed and afterwards could not look after the children so DBs girlfriend's mother had them during the same while all the other adults worked. We were there for 6 months before our house purchase finalised but there were never any cross words. My parents were truly wonderful and I was more than happy to share my home with my DM for the last 11 years of her life even though it did curtail a lot that I would have liked to do. Nearly 4 years on and I still miss her every day.

Just relax and enjoy the company. There will be plenty of time when they have moved out to get 'back to normal'.

You’ll be fine - they’re your much loved family, and even if you get on each other’s nerves a bit, it’s not for long. Probably plan a day out shopping or some other little treats for yourself to allow some quiet space. They may want to do the same!
One thing I would do before they arrive is to arrange a Portaloo, or some such thing in a convenient space (shed, maybe?)
As there is only one bathroom, desperation may arise, and I know from bitter experience how awful that can be.
Showers and baths can be scheduled to suit all, but bodily functions are not so obedient!
Have fun and enjoy your family

We had about a month with my MIL and 4 children under 5. It was only years later I realised what a saint she was. She was very tidy and I am not , not then at least. Only toilet blocked with disposables - well they were just coming in and it said on the label they could be flushed.

She did all the cooking and she and BroIL and FIL used to eat first, then we did and we did the washing up. Towards the end she made me clean the oven, which I did without
really understanding why it was necessary...I was very young.

There were discussions in my absence and for the next month or so while we were getting sorted out we rented. (We had just returned from living abroad.) There was never a cross word.