Friends - or lack of.

We have a few different groups of pals that we have known for years. One group we see at least fortnightly..either as a whole gang or just who is available & we are close and loved friends. We go to the pics/ theatre/ exhibitions etc or just to a pub. Our ages range from 67 to 80.
Another group are old friends from DH school days.. I have been eith DH forever so known since teen years. We have an annual get togethers as we are now spread all over. Some of us can meet up in between where travel time is closer. When we meet the gap between last meet up melts away!
DH & I have our own friends too so meet them as and when for various events. We do fewer home entertaining evenings and more eating out..less hassle for any hosts!
Then of course valued " virtual" chums made on different social media .... and then u have to squeeze family in too!

We are all different... and I feel blessed that we have a great circle of friends that we have known for many years. We are, of course at the stage of life where some of us are not as fit and well as in previous years.

I guess it's different for you Mercure living in France. Do you mainly meet expats? Are there groups there such as U3A where you can pursue interests together or individually? I'm sure it is more difficult making and maintaining friendships as we age, and does require a lot more effort.

Ex-colleagues tend to be friendly with current colleagues as I expect we were.

In a working lifetime we move round geographically much more these days too, so I guess we have to be prepared to travel to meet up, maybe halfway?

Since i have retired I have found the opposite. I have a small group of close ex work colleagues and we meet up as a group regularly. Plus several other individuals who have also retired so I meet one or other of them occasionally for lunch or coffee. But i am lucky in that I worked in a place where big proportion of workers are women and quite a few have retired in recent years. It's lovely.

It's very interesting and we aren't the only people who feel lonely. Modern life isolates us more I think.
I thought I'd made more friends recently but one doesn't always reply when I text her and has never texted me suggesting we meet and the other one is leaving the country soon.
Also because I child mind while my daughter is working erratic shifts, I have difficulty committing to things. I am always working round my daughter and my DH who is still working.
But I spend hours on my own.
I am very glad of the GN Meetup we have once a month.

Mercure, We also live in France and find the same experiences you are having. We are getting fed up of trying to please other people. There is also too much gossip among the expats.

I think of you lot as my good friends and long may it stay that way. I have a circle of acquaintances in real life but feel at home with Gransnetters.

There was a big thread about loneliness a while back - its amazing how many people do feel isolated.
I know I do.

Following on from what joot has said . I did have what I thought were, a couple of friends up until about 7-8 years ago when I realised they weren’t really my friends at all. They were almost joined at the hip and used me as a kind of stooge to enable them to big themselves up . Their favourite subjects were money, house prices , exotic holidays, etc. And looking back we had zero in common . I really think I was just taken along for the laugh.

Although I read forums every day this is my first post! I'm so glad this thread appeared as I was feeling quite gloomy this morning and now realise not just me! I'm 58 this year and in the past 4years my life has changed beyond recognition. I gave up a job of 30years to care for my father who had dementia and we had a lovely few years until his death. I have been a single parent for nearly 25years. In the past two years i have lost two of my closest friends who died unexpectedly and sadly lost contact with a friend of 25years who treated me very badly. This caused massive problems in our joint social circle which fortunately have been smoothed out. I did have to reevaluate friendships and look to meet new people though which is harder as you get older. My daughters are lovely but busy with their own lives-as they should be. I'm not on Facebook so found that maintaining friendships takes a bit more effort on my part! I highly recommend MeetUp- through it I have met two lovely ladies who I go out for coffee with. It can be a big step but solo travel is also recommended. Just You are brilliant. This year I went on a coach holiday not aimed at solo travellers but that had a lot of single ladies and made friends with a lovely lady who lives nearby and we hope to go on holiday next year! It's a different experience making new friends as you get older- people lead busy and complex lives. You also have to allow times for friendships to develop- when we have friends we have known for a long time and have a shared history with its quite hard to start the whole process again! It can be done-even if like me you can be quiet and shy in new situations!

You are not alone Mercure ! I think life can sometimes get in the way but i thought i always had a " best " friend , alas i have become aware that we are not as close as i thought since my dh and myself have a quieter lifestyle due to various reasons i rarely see her but she does ring regularly to let me know her social diary hmmm . She is all i have though so i just have to fight my green eyed monster .

My husband is very outgoing. He kind of has his own bunch of friends as I'm a bit of a home bird. It works for us. I have two good friends, one I see weekly, the other moved away so I only see her a couple of times a year. We used to do a lot of couple things with other couples i.e. meals in restaurants. That has fallen by the wayside.

Yes I agree that would be lovely MissA .

I find myself embarrassingly friendless too.
It would be lovely to have a close friend, just to chat to and have a cup of tea with.

All of my friends were either my age or older and sadly they have now died.
Now that I am housebound the only person I see is my home help. A neighbour telephones frequently and I keep in touch with family via Facebook.
Years ago I used to visit elderly people daily.

I posted on another thread recently that I don’t have any friends and haven’t had for several years, although I do have a sister and 2 girl cousins that I see.

I was a single parent at 18 so lost touch with people of my own age, I then remarried and became a young widow. I have worked in an all male environment for almost 30 years so no opportunity to make girl friends .

I have found the opposite, because I now have more time to go out and join things and meet new people. When I went vegan 5 years ago it opened up a whole new avenue for meaningful relationships. Going on demos and marches, meeting people for meals in vegan restaurants, connecting with those who share my profound dislike of everything that is done to animals to get a food product from them - it has been amazing. Several fellow vegans I first met through Facebook have now become real life friends. Retirement offers the opportunity to do things you cannot do when you are in full time work, whether that be in salaried employment or raising a family. The recommendation to join Meetup.com is a good one - do try it!

Mercure, you're not alone! I have one friend who lives a few hours drive away. We rarely meet; she has grandchildren keeping her busy and I have my husband to care for (he's disabled). But we keep in touch by email and meet now and then. Apart from that and one old schoolfriend who occasionally writes, I would say I have no other proper friends. Same for my husband who has one ex work colleague who comes to visit regularly. But we are happy with our own company and I know that if he dies before me, although I'd be devastated, I wouldn't seek out new friends. But then I've always been a bit anti-social!

Thankfully my best friend is my yonger sister whom i see every week and we go on days out and text and message virtually everyday. My next best friend is my one of over 30years we see each other about every two to three months as we both have busy lives even though we are retired. That gap suits us both we write to each other in between and that is lovely, I love it when I see a letter from her on the doormat. I am dreading the day when anything happens to either of them as i will be bereft because it is harder to make new friends as you grow older.

I thought it was just me and that I was a loner so as to speak. My only friend who I use to go shopping with and have the odd days out died 3 years ago. I am well aware that my husband is my main source of company but he might not be with me for ever and then what. Today my husband is going running and I am going to drive for an hour and then cycle, it would be lovely to have a girl friend who would join me but it doesn't seem to happen. As for a social circle we have a few friends who we meet now and again for tea, lunch or dinner. As for family, well I have seen both of them this week and they have busy jobs etc.

Thanks seacliff, I will investigate!

GMA29, there is a organisation called Meetup, which has lots of smaller local social groups under its umbrella. I think there is a very small annual charge.

In our area, some are for our age group, and one of the outings they often do are trips to the cinema. I have only been once so far, but it was fine. Might be worth a look?

Gosh I thought it was just me !!
I moved hundreds of miles away from my support network 15 years ago (for good reason) and have made very few friends really. Mostly it's me contacting them too. The mutual friends of my good friend who died recently try to get together every so often bit it's difficult, they work and have family & partners whilst I'm single and can't work.
I keep contact with my best friend, she's back home where I moved from, & I see her when I'm home visiting my mum and family. She's only made it to where I live 3 times in the 15 years, but she's got kids too so I understand it's not been possible as a single parent.
I ditched FB a while ago, and have to say I really don't miss it. The people who were real life friends I still communicate with, the rest don't matter, I was never going to see them. I'm very lonely, but sometimes that's part of my depression I guess. ?

No, I would say the same. I find that apart from a couple of good friends who I meet for a very occasional coffee or lunch, that is the extent of my socialising. I worked in a very small office set up with just one other, much younger person (before I retired) and so I have no colleagues I remain friendly with. My OH has a much wider set of acquaintance, and spends virtually all his waking hours out and about. I could go with him, but it isn’t “couples” and I would feel very much a spectator.

I am trying to widen my socialising, as I would like to be in company more, but I find it much more difficult than I used to. I don’t think I was ever very outgoing, but life back then seemed to give more opportunities to meet people. It’s the little things I really miss, someone to go to the cinema with, for example.

We have just been talking about our friends of 39 years and how the relationship has petered out. We used to socialise regularly as couples and the wife and I regularly went shopping together as well as going to the theatre. She emailed me when they were in Italy in May to say ‘we are missing you’ but since then we have only seen them once when we invited them to join us on a day out. It all seemed to start going wrong a few years ago when my husband could no longer get travel insurance for holidays abroad with them. I had noticed over the last year that she seemed more interested in other friends and they let us down badly over our Golden Wedding Party. We have other long standing friends but unfortunately they have all moved away from the area so we only see them a couple of times a year. We used to be very close friends with this couple ( at least we thought so) and to be honest, I am quite hurt by what has happened and am now beginning to wonder if we were ever close. I have made a few new friends recently but it’s not quite the same as someone you have known for over half your life time.