Friends - or lack of.

No not just you. Since my DH died all invitations to parties etc. have dried up - I have even had neighbours ring me to say they were having a party/bbq and could their guests use my driveway! We used to get invited to everything as DH was the life and soul of any gathering, me not so much.

Yes I have also tried inviting friends and neighbours, but invariably they come, eat and drink (usually copious amounts) then like you say disappear never to be heard of again!

Same here.....I used to entertain a lot , but since divorce, no big parties. I have a few friends but they are so involved with their families, there!s no time for me. One of them is actually so obsessed with her special son, and special granddaughter. she sees them almost everyday. I am a bit jealous really.
Neighbours are ok. But no one has house parties anymore.
I have family who live nearby , who I see once in a while.
You have your DH ....to be honest, I wish I had met someone with whom I could ride off into the sunset ...no such luck ?

Yes, most of my friends these days are online - old friends from school days are on Facebook and other friends more likely to be "email and phone calls". I know my neighbors and we occasionally have coffee but that's about it. I'm a bit reclusive by choice so I can't complain since I don't go looking for outside friendships. Before retirement I had friends at work, but that didn't translate into anything lasting. None of this bothers me at all - I'd be quite happy as a solitary monk living in a cave - as long as it had WiFi !

I was very unskilled at making friends as a young woman so its come as a bit of a surprise that nowadays I am actually making some good ones. OH is not wildly social (just shy - not grumpy) so making friends has been through things like joining interest groups in local village or through volunteering. I think trying to make and keep friends as a couple, unless there is a real shared interest, is asking a lot. Now that we are all a little more set in our ways its not so easy to be 'best' friends with both halves of a couple.....or perhaps that's just me!

We find that we still meet up with longstanding friends, usually somewhere outside the home for a meal but its true that with newer friends its just at whatever group we have met them. The dinner party seems to be dead no one wants to cook. So at home its mostly family meet ups.

No, not just you but I do think that people tend not to entertain so much at home nowdays. Most go to the pub/garden centre for a cheapish meal. Our local does an over 60s special on a Tuesday - 2 course for £5.99 and we are in a very expensive area. Bottom line is that it saves a lot of cooking. I would suggest that you invite some of your friends for a lunch out.

We have just been talking about our friends of 39 years and how the relationship has petered out. We used to socialise regularly as couples and the wife and I regularly went shopping together as well as going to the theatre. She emailed me when they were in Italy in May to say ‘we are missing you’ but since then we have only seen them once when we invited them to join us on a day out. It all seemed to start going wrong a few years ago when my husband could no longer get travel insurance for holidays abroad with them. I had noticed over the last year that she seemed more interested in other friends and they let us down badly over our Golden Wedding Party. We have other long standing friends but unfortunately they have all moved away from the area so we only see them a couple of times a year. We used to be very close friends with this couple ( at least we thought so) and to be honest, I am quite hurt by what has happened and am now beginning to wonder if we were ever close. I have made a few new friends recently but it’s not quite the same as someone you have known for over half your life time.

No, I would say the same. I find that apart from a couple of good friends who I meet for a very occasional coffee or lunch, that is the extent of my socialising. I worked in a very small office set up with just one other, much younger person (before I retired) and so I have no colleagues I remain friendly with. My OH has a much wider set of acquaintance, and spends virtually all his waking hours out and about. I could go with him, but it isn’t “couples” and I would feel very much a spectator.

I am trying to widen my socialising, as I would like to be in company more, but I find it much more difficult than I used to. I don’t think I was ever very outgoing, but life back then seemed to give more opportunities to meet people. It’s the little things I really miss, someone to go to the cinema with, for example.

Gosh I thought it was just me !!
I moved hundreds of miles away from my support network 15 years ago (for good reason) and have made very few friends really. Mostly it's me contacting them too. The mutual friends of my good friend who died recently try to get together every so often bit it's difficult, they work and have family & partners whilst I'm single and can't work.
I keep contact with my best friend, she's back home where I moved from, & I see her when I'm home visiting my mum and family. She's only made it to where I live 3 times in the 15 years, but she's got kids too so I understand it's not been possible as a single parent.
I ditched FB a while ago, and have to say I really don't miss it. The people who were real life friends I still communicate with, the rest don't matter, I was never going to see them. I'm very lonely, but sometimes that's part of my depression I guess. ?

GMA29, there is a organisation called Meetup, which has lots of smaller local social groups under its umbrella. I think there is a very small annual charge.

In our area, some are for our age group, and one of the outings they often do are trips to the cinema. I have only been once so far, but it was fine. Might be worth a look?

Thanks seacliff, I will investigate!

I thought it was just me and that I was a loner so as to speak. My only friend who I use to go shopping with and have the odd days out died 3 years ago. I am well aware that my husband is my main source of company but he might not be with me for ever and then what. Today my husband is going running and I am going to drive for an hour and then cycle, it would be lovely to have a girl friend who would join me but it doesn't seem to happen. As for a social circle we have a few friends who we meet now and again for tea, lunch or dinner. As for family, well I have seen both of them this week and they have busy jobs etc.

Thankfully my best friend is my yonger sister whom i see every week and we go on days out and text and message virtually everyday. My next best friend is my one of over 30years we see each other about every two to three months as we both have busy lives even though we are retired. That gap suits us both we write to each other in between and that is lovely, I love it when I see a letter from her on the doormat. I am dreading the day when anything happens to either of them as i will be bereft because it is harder to make new friends as you grow older.

Mercure, you're not alone! I have one friend who lives a few hours drive away. We rarely meet; she has grandchildren keeping her busy and I have my husband to care for (he's disabled). But we keep in touch by email and meet now and then. Apart from that and one old schoolfriend who occasionally writes, I would say I have no other proper friends. Same for my husband who has one ex work colleague who comes to visit regularly. But we are happy with our own company and I know that if he dies before me, although I'd be devastated, I wouldn't seek out new friends. But then I've always been a bit anti-social!

I have found the opposite, because I now have more time to go out and join things and meet new people. When I went vegan 5 years ago it opened up a whole new avenue for meaningful relationships. Going on demos and marches, meeting people for meals in vegan restaurants, connecting with those who share my profound dislike of everything that is done to animals to get a food product from them - it has been amazing. Several fellow vegans I first met through Facebook have now become real life friends. Retirement offers the opportunity to do things you cannot do when you are in full time work, whether that be in salaried employment or raising a family. The recommendation to join Meetup.com is a good one - do try it!

I posted on another thread recently that I don’t have any friends and haven’t had for several years, although I do have a sister and 2 girl cousins that I see.

I was a single parent at 18 so lost touch with people of my own age, I then remarried and became a young widow. I have worked in an all male environment for almost 30 years so no opportunity to make girl friends .

All of my friends were either my age or older and sadly they have now died.
Now that I am housebound the only person I see is my home help. A neighbour telephones frequently and I keep in touch with family via Facebook.
Years ago I used to visit elderly people daily.

I find myself embarrassingly friendless too.
It would be lovely to have a close friend, just to chat to and have a cup of tea with.

Yes I agree that would be lovely MissA .

My husband is very outgoing. He kind of has his own bunch of friends as I'm a bit of a home bird. It works for us. I have two good friends, one I see weekly, the other moved away so I only see her a couple of times a year. We used to do a lot of couple things with other couples i.e. meals in restaurants. That has fallen by the wayside.

You are not alone Mercure ! I think life can sometimes get in the way but i thought i always had a " best " friend , alas i have become aware that we are not as close as i thought since my dh and myself have a quieter lifestyle due to various reasons i rarely see her but she does ring regularly to let me know her social diary hmmm . She is all i have though so i just have to fight my green eyed monster .

Although I read forums every day this is my first post! I'm so glad this thread appeared as I was feeling quite gloomy this morning and now realise not just me! I'm 58 this year and in the past 4years my life has changed beyond recognition. I gave up a job of 30years to care for my father who had dementia and we had a lovely few years until his death. I have been a single parent for nearly 25years. In the past two years i have lost two of my closest friends who died unexpectedly and sadly lost contact with a friend of 25years who treated me very badly. This caused massive problems in our joint social circle which fortunately have been smoothed out. I did have to reevaluate friendships and look to meet new people though which is harder as you get older. My daughters are lovely but busy with their own lives-as they should be. I'm not on Facebook so found that maintaining friendships takes a bit more effort on my part! I highly recommend MeetUp- through it I have met two lovely ladies who I go out for coffee with. It can be a big step but solo travel is also recommended. Just You are brilliant. This year I went on a coach holiday not aimed at solo travellers but that had a lot of single ladies and made friends with a lovely lady who lives nearby and we hope to go on holiday next year! It's a different experience making new friends as you get older- people lead busy and complex lives. You also have to allow times for friendships to develop- when we have friends we have known for a long time and have a shared history with its quite hard to start the whole process again! It can be done-even if like me you can be quiet and shy in new situations!

Following on from what joot has said . I did have what I thought were, a couple of friends up until about 7-8 years ago when I realised they weren’t really my friends at all. They were almost joined at the hip and used me as a kind of stooge to enable them to big themselves up . Their favourite subjects were money, house prices , exotic holidays, etc. And looking back we had zero in common . I really think I was just taken along for the laugh.

There was a big thread about loneliness a while back - its amazing how many people do feel isolated.
I know I do.