Adult sulking - advice please

This I couldn't cope with. Your guy has issues Don't kids sulk not grown men or women.? If has a problem then he needs to man up and discuss it with you. How long do you intend putting up with this (sorry about this)little boy?

I’ve had fifty years of sulks . What saved my sanity was a book called ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’. This states that you should not hang around ‘the cave’ waiting for your man to emerge but should jump on a horse and gallop off for adventures. The worse thing I can do with my husband is to try to coax, plead or persuade. I learnt to simply ignore him and get on with my own life and he emerges when he is ready. I’m not saying it’s the ideal situation but life is too short to sit and watch him sulk.

I agree with all that’s been said Toffee. You are describing a situation my friend found herself in. This is bullying, pure and simple.
I’d never heard of love bombing before but this is exactly what he did - for a while...
Eventually she ran.
Good luck, be strong.

I think you probably know what you need to do, you need to end this unsatisfactory and abusive relationship. Life is too short.

Leave, leave, leave and don't look back. It isn't you, it's him. It's manipulative and deliberate. He'll go on until there is nothing left of the real you. I look back and cannot believe the emotional abuse I took from my first husband. It took everything I had to leave him and not go back. I spent a year just getting myself back together and then I met DH who has given me the best 27 years of my life. Love him to bits. Leave, leave, leave and DON'T look back.

Believe me this is domestic abuse, he is controlling . You need to just tell him its over , don't get into a long debate of why and walk away and whatever you do don't listen to his I will change, he won't. I just wondered, You didn't mention him having any family, has he got an ex wife and children and are they still in touch with him? It doesn't matter to the outcome you should still walk away quickly.

Please get out of this relationship as of yesterday, Toffee.
This sorry excuse for a man is manipulating and trying to control you - he is abusive and will get worse.
I wish I could go back 40 years and take my own advice - being with someone like this reduces your self-esteem and crushes the life out of you.
Find someone kind and jolly, who wants to enjoy life with you, you deserve it!
Big hugs and wishes for happier times.

He is not going to change at his age. No hope.

Suck it up or leave

I know what I’d do

If a man does not enhance your life, why have him in it ? You have already nurtured your children into adulthood, you now have your grandchildren to help do the same ... now I see the time to find someone who can nurture you, because you are worth it !!

Absolutely agree with all the comments. Cut it short before you find, as I did that thirty miserable years have passed and you can't remember who you are anymore.
Ive been free for eight years now and it's wonderful and my ex and I are actually good friends, at a distance. We agreed in the end to keep it that way because we have a son and children shouldn't suffer for parents mistakes.
You Toffee can do it now before it gets entrenched. Good luck.

I have had this when he sulked he wouldn't talk to me for weeks, do you really want to put up with this for the rest of your life?

Put this relationship down to experience and move on. Concentrate on you, make your own health and happiness the priority. Fill your life with other activities - get out there and meet new people. Life's much too short to waste on someone who doesn't love you and certainly has no respect for you. If he did he wouldn't treat you so badly. Good luck

You don't even have to have a conversation now about why it is over. Just say it is or be unavailable. If you do want to tell him why, do it in a venue in public, cafe, restaurant, pub.

This is a form of domestic abuse. He is manipulating you. The behavour will only get worse. My advice, get rid of him pronto. You’re still a young person and don’t need a man around you like this. Imagine ten years down the line and he’s still behaving in this way. It’s obviously upsetting you as you’ve come on to this group asking for advice. Believe me, at the age of 70, I can honestly say life is too short to be with a man who makes you miserable.

What he is doing is called domestic abuse toffee. It's emotional abuse. You don't have to live with someone for this to happen.

Sulking is abuse. Ì know enough about this because of my late father and the ex.

Also his drinking sounds like he has a problem with it. Get the hell out

Its sad when a relationship doesn't turn out how you thought it would be but I'm impressed with your insight Toffee and that your gut instinct is spot on.

I think love bombers are always to be avoided as it's an early suggestion of how manipulative they really are.

for you today.

If the relationship ended, think what you would miss about him, Toffee.

If you need advice a year into the relationship ask yourself if it's worth holding on to and how would feel if this manipulative behaviour were to carry on the rest of the relationship

Sulkers are better ignored, if you have to live with them. They do it to upset you. Pretend you don't care and carry on with whatever you want to do. If you don't have to live with them, don't.

My late husband used a somewhat toxic mixture of sulking and explosive anger, mixed with extreme affection, against me. I put up with it for over 30 years until he died. Please DON'T follow my example - ditch the bugger. There are better men out there.

He is trying to control you and manipulate you with this behaviour, believe me I have been there. It is always you that breaks the silence! Do you want to spend the rest of your life in this situation, and the older they get they sulk even more. RUN and leave him to it. You are worth more than taking this behaviour from anyone.

...and do not take him back if he goes all lachrymose and promises to reform, he will - for a few days - then it will start all over again.

Toffee71 - Going on what you've written (I obviously don't know everything about your relationship), I'd say that you ought to finish with him if this is how he behaves.

You've only known him a year. It wouldn't be right even if you'd known him 30 years but you would have a shared history and perhaps family etc. etc.

If I were you, I'd finish with him or have a definite conversation with him and tell him that, if it happens again, he is "history".

Is he good to you when he isn't sulking?

Toffee71. The way you are starting to question yourself as in 'I don't know what I have done to deserve this' is an indication of how he is starting t to make you doubt yourself. You have done nothing wrong, you are two incompatible people, move on, there is a wonderful world out there!

Thank you for the advice and validation that this type of behaviour is not healthy. Its scary how it creeps in to undermine your confidence so quietly. I have been looking at myself to see what I have done to deserve this. Honestly I can't see what I would have to do to deserve this.