Adult sulking - advice please

Well - as they say on Mumsnet - LTB!!!

What do you do when your partner sulks?
Do you try to win him round?

If he wont discuss anything there is little you can do. If you can fill your time with other things so you do not focus on his moods it will make life better for you and will give him space to process his thoughts. Just ignoring him by doing other things may be enough to make him realise that he may lose you as you could have a happy life doing things alone.

I do leave him to process. He sulked and held out for 6 days before I told him it was unacceptable. He changed his behaviour on a sixpence (suspicious in my mind) then 2 weeks later he was back at it.......we don't live together and I asked if he could come over later than he wanted to. This lasted 2 days before i nipped it in the bud. Although there is communication it is very generic but I feel like it is a power play as to who will say something first. As older adults (I'm in my late 40's and he is mid 50's) I had hoped it wouldn't be this much of a minefield

The trouble is that this kind of behaviour changes you, bit by bit.
Rather than face the sulking, you start to put your own needs and wants lower down in your 'priority list'.

Honestly, I would just leave the relationship and move on. Life's too short to waste on someone who seeks to control you by silence and withdrawing of affection. This has all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship.

I didnt realise that you did not live together. You have to think if this relationship is worth the hassle , you are not bound by family or finance. What do you get out of this? If it is not affection, companionship and good times then why are you with him?
Ask yourself what you love about him and is it worth the unhappiness.

If you don't live together, and he doesn't communicate, there isn't much holding you together, is there. I'd move on in your place. Life is too short for this nonsense.

Thanks for validating my thoughts. I feel controlled and my gut is telling me things aren't right. I've read this kind of behaviour is crazy making and that is not wrong. As pointed out in a previous post it breaks you down bit by bit.

Its a very subtle form of bullying, I often think.
Before you know what's happened, you've become the 'little woman', constantly making excuses for his childish behaviour, bravely sitting through what should be peaceful times with tears in your eyes because he has 'got upset' and spoiled the day.. run! Run far away!

Thank you for the advice. Think we also hang around because they "love bomb" you in the beginning.

Sulking is just the start of a whole load of controlling rubbish that would rear its ugly head in time so I think you had best end things and move on .
Let him know that you will not be controlled by his bad and very childish behaviour.

If you ve only been together a year and you re already unhappy and asking for advice it’s not really worth hanging on to you have invested very little so move on

Yes. I did that the first time he did it. This time I've followed through. I have also been concerned about how much time he wants to spend around me. As previously touched on in another post. This latest sulk happened because I asked for him to come around later than planned. I was shattered after working all week, it was my saturday morning at work and I had babysat my twin grandsons on the friday night. He stays at his on the friday night if i am working the following saturday and inevitably ends up in the pub where he always seems to drink more than he wanted too (red flag with his history) otherwise he never mentions going out with friends. So spends a huge majority of his free time with me. I'm a homebody but I do enjoy going out with my friends occasionally. When I did go out he ended up in the pub drinking too much and then sulked for 6 days until I spoke up about it. He snapped out of it immediately (suspicious).

I think you already know the answer Toffee71 Time to walk me thinks . Good luck

Think you're right BBbevan. Thank you to all for taking the time to talk to me and make me realise I'm facing control and subtle bullying and that I'm not being too sensitive.

Tell him straight, you are not used to dealing with mature people whom act like toddlers then LTB!

Classic passive aggressive behaviour. Make a list of positives and negatives in this relationship. If the negatives outweigh the positives ( as they seem to) time to call a halt. It doesn’t sound like you’re getting much out of this relationship either of you.

Least of all open, honest communication when it matters. Think that is my deal breaker!

Good lord OP -do you really need all this rubbish in your life?

No I don't and neither do I want it

Don't forget - this is the 'honeymoon period'..

Time to find yourself a grown-up. Sulking usually indicates the sort of person who manipulates and eventually isolates.
Better to be happy without someone like this, they can get a whole lot worse.

Yep, honeymoon period.
I honestly wouldn't be bothered with this.
Red Flag - he doesn't seem to have many friends/acquaintances of his own and depends pretty much on you for company. I love my dh dearly but thoroughly enjoy it when he goes out to bowls (usually about 2 afternoons, 1 evening, each week).

Does he work, and social life there. Of course, I mean social life that doesn't involve him drinking too much.

So, he's huffing if he doesn't get his own way. And huffing for 6 whole days. Sod that. As there are no financial and administrative constraints holding you together I'd get rid. Absolutely.

I met my now dh when I was on my own following divorce and mid 40s. He is 3 years younger. It was 8 years before we married. I was making damned sure that I knew him well and that (as far as possible) there were no traits that I didn't want.
And many 'dates' before I met him ended after one or two because I was no longer going to make do.

Think of this past year as a lesson, you don't have to make do. You are self sufficient and don't need a huffer at your elbow. Possibly he has some good points but there's no way I'd be wondering if and when he was going to have a sulk.
Good luck.