Granddaughter first birthday

What about messaging your son's wife? A really kind, thoughtful message that might melt her heart. No pressure about seeing them, just a friendly hello to let her know you care.

Same thing happened to me! My DIL was VERY insecure and wanted my DS and DGDs all to herself! I have had no contact for over 6 years! Heart breaking. Nothing to be done. I don't know where they live even! You will learn to live with it, trust me. It's horrible, but doable. My heart goes out to you xx

i think he is being selfish ok so everything is wonderful in his life at the moment but it can easily go wrong and then he will need you you should be allowed to see your gd and send her a card and present be the better person dont beg he will need you and come crawling back

Sassenach. I think you might very well be right. Explains quite a bit. Perhaps send the odd text and perhaps suggest meeting him for coffee away from home?

This is a new phase in their lives. Give them space .You heard from them in august????and they are only two hours away????If you are so concerned then pay a quick visit to set your mind at rest.Be thankful that you are not like many of we GN's who would dearly love to be only two hours away from our family.

If you’re only short of a postcode and have a house number and road you can look up on Royal Mail. Must say your son is being rather cruel, perhaps let things lie a while and see if he gets in touch with you - a long silence might make him think again.

You have my sympathies, such a sad situation. Could it be just thoughtlessness as they are so wound up in their own lives and time flys by? Or could it be that your son is embarrassed ? My son had a girlfriend and if I collected him or dropped him off from hers, I would have to wait round the corner. I wondered if it was because he thought I might embarras him but other son had been to the house and said it was a tip and son 1 was embarrassed to let us see!
Hope things improve soon.

How about the next message is something like " we are spending a few nights in the Lakes, hope the weather is good"

So terribly cruel.

I have two Sons who I love dearly They hardly ever call me & I haven’t seen them or my Grandaughters for 5 months
I’m not allowed to visit their house & they won’t tell me why
I’ve called I’ve written My other children have asked what’s up
But my Son with the 3 grandaughters wont tell them either
I have another Son & Daughter in UK 4 Grandkids too
I really miss my daughter
Should I abandon my family here in Sydney & move back to UK to be close to my Daughter Son & Grandies there
It’s such a huge move at my age 76
Luckily I have good health
I just keep hoping this will get resolved I miss seeing them so much
And it’s sooooo hard when they won’t say why

Anyone who has been through this knows that it is not easy to accept "so be it" and get on with life. I am sure you have already made it clear you are hurt by it, though if you were serious about shouting and screaming, I wouldn't recommend continuing with that. However, it is good advice to send an occasional message showing you are there for him/them. That is because you still care, and it is quite likely it doesn't actually give him satisfaction that you are out of touch. Maybe he is happy in his relationship, maybe not. And of course if he came running home, like the prodigal son, you wouldn't push him away, because you love him, and because he would need a lot of support. Patience is the virtue you are going to have to nurture for the moment, and I hope you will see you grandchild again soon. I was "lucky" enough that my son didn't sever all ties when he was in a controlling relationship, but I think even that took a lot of strength.

Just a thought Nanagem, you don't think he and the GF could have moved in with her mother? It might explain why he doesn't want you to have the address. If her mother is so controlling, maybe he can't handle the hassle if she doesn't want you turning up there? I agree it's a very sad situation though and it's hard to understand why a son would treat his mother this way when you've done your best to help them.

Sad though it is you are well advised to concentrate on those of your family who do love and appreciate you. These are the ones who have stood by you.

Try to put your very young son out of your mind much of the time. He is young, immature and not yet his own man. Yes, send him the occasion text, but keep it short and light and ask nothing in return. That way he doesn’t feel bombarded or that he has to respond. Don’t go down the ‘I love you’ or the ‘I’m here if you need me’ path because he’ll already know that and you’ll just sound needy.

I suspect he already has too many needy people in his life as it is and doesn’t need any more.

Having said that, I really do feel for you and the way you’ve been treated. You don’t deserve this. But play it cool, even if you are breaking up inside, and things might just improve, eventually xx

This is truly disgusting, unacceptable and heartbreakingly cruel behaviour. To just disappear from your life with no reason given leaves me absolutely speechless and my heart truly goes out to you. Of course you don’t expect to live in their pockets ..... We are all different, but I would have to text him and ask for reasons ... if that’s fails, I would actually go to his work place and watch his reaction. The very least he owes you is an explanation.

Sorry for your sadness and distancing from your son & his family. Seems particularly hard since you were practically v supportive towards the couple. Hard to offer advice..just empathy ?

It is very sad, but I think I would be feeling" well if that's the way they want it, so be it" rather than letting them know I was hurt and giving them that satisfaction. And if he comes running home when it's all broken down, don't expect a lot of help.

If you have an idea of the area your son moved to you can search the local electoral roll online. Providing he has registered to pay council tax (or his girlfriend) you should be able to find them.
I'm afraid it won't mend or heal whatever is going on for him though, which is very sad for you and your family.
I'm sending you a virtual hug and best wishes ?

sorry, this is on my mind for some reason. I'm sorry Nanagem if I came across as uncaring or rude.

Its terribly sad. If you feel able to post a bit more information , the people here may have some ideas.

I don't see any reason why an adult child can't at least acknowledge someone's attempt to communicate.
Yes, they're busy, yes, that's exactly what we'd hoped for them, but what is wrong with some manners?
Even a message saying "You're getting on my nerves, I feel smothered, so just leave it for a while" would be something.

This is just too sad Nanagem and my heart is breaking for you. Why would anyone treat their mum like this? I just don't understand, I really don't.

and the " takes a wife" thingy sounds a bit 18th century, people shift in and out of relationships all the time these days.

I apologise if I came over as rude. I had quite a harsh upbringing so the whole family thing is tricky for me.

I have 2 sons, one if gay....now there's a different dynamic to negotiate!
The other has a long term gf.....we had some very stormy times but to be honest its his business and as long as he is well ,that's fine by me.
As to girls gravitating to their mother, not necessarily.

Its hard when out kids grow up.....who are we? what are we for?.....possibly a time to grow and develop and send the young uns on their way.

I hate that "a son is a son" thing too.My son visits us every time he passes the door.Daily some weeks,,other times he and his partner just appear when she finishes work and flop down for a blether .When my sons relationship with his daughters mother ended it was us he came home to,and stayed for 7 years .There has to be a reason for your son to cut you off,have you been nasty about his partner or her mother or do they think you were too controlling? Its a very fine line isn't it from being good to them to trying to take over their lives .Dont give up hope and you could try the electoral register for their address.If they pay council tax they should be on the register

I feel so sad for all these families losing out on seeing their grandchildren,unless you have done something horrible ,you should be able to see your grown up kids and their kids,I don't believe you should just shut out your family because you have a partner and a family,they still bought you up and cared and loved you,and made you into a person someone else loves too!
I see some of you ladies have put ,that your kids in owe you nothing,I disagree,I think you are still owed love and respect,children get some much from their grandparents,it's very enriching for them ,to spend time with their extended family.
I have grown up grandchildren aged 16 and 17 ,and do not see them for a few weeks,but I message them on Facebook,and sometimes they say to my daughter ,their mum,I want to see nan and grandad and they will come over ,and join us on days out.

They count themselves very lucky to have two sets of grandparents,so it's a win,win for everyone!
If it was me ,I would want to know what is wrong,I don't think I would pussyfoot around,I would directly ask my son ,if there is a problem ,you have helped them a lot,as of course a mum and nan would,but I would feel very shut out in these circumstances.
In other cultures the family is more of a unit and kids, aunties,uncles, cousins and grandparents all see each other and all these relationships bring so much to children.
I taught primary and Secondary school for years,and grandparents are so valued by any age child.
Try to find out where they live,send a card and letter,saying you would love to see their new place ,and is there anything they would like as a housewarming gift.
Dont give up!
It's not wrong to want to see your family!

I m with you Oldbatty if I hear that a son is a son mantra totted out one more time I might just scream
Girls will always want their own mums more than a mum in law (unless they have a nasty mum or have lost their own) it’s just normal and common sense If the son doesn’t want to know his own mum then you need to look at what has gone wrong because no son with any bxxxx is going to allow his loved one to dictate that he will never contact his own mum again
Just because a son takes a wife and maybe moves away it doesn’t follow that they will cut contact My own son moved thousands of miles away but we still speak every week his in laws live round the corner from him and he has Sunday dinner there, well good for them My best friend has three married sons all live away but ring her up all the time to make sure she’s ok and come to visit with or without their partners
It’s not to do with gender of children it’s to do with the relationship itself