husband and children/grandchildr en

What a mess from your letter you seem very depressed which is not good and it would be a bad time to make any major decisions like separating from your husband.
As we get older people can get set in their ways and I think your husband is, he obviously loves what he does and there is little chance of him changing.
You have two options you could separate with all that entails like selling up finding somewhere to live, are you financially ok on your own the loneliness etc.
Option 2 stay where you are accepting him for what he is and try and get along as house mates. You have your friends and family who you can visit on your own and make a different life to suit you.
Life can be short grab what you want.

You have been together just a short time and it's not a success, you are unhappy so shy stay with him. You owe him nothing. If I had a close family as you have, I would not let him ruin that. I don't get to see mine, that is lonely. It would seem as if it's not finance that stops you from leaving, but misplaced loyalty to someone who is behaving appallingly. It won't get better because he is in control. You will surprised at the support your loving family will give you, being alone doesn't mean you will be lonely. Look after yourself as he is, it not your failure. Good luck, I really feel for you living with such a man, you sound such a lovely caring person, put you and your family first.

Quite often when things get difficult in a marriage in old age people do not want to separate because they have been happy together for over 40 years, or some such period and it would disrupt family relations with their AC and GC and this is understandable.

But in this case you have been married for only 4 years and, as I read the thread, for most of that time, you have been unhappy and he has been complaining and behaving rudely when you want your family round you.

You know nothing is going to change the way your H behaves and I think you know what you need to do. DGC are only young once and loving AC's are riches to be treasured. As others have said, have a break and sit and think. Sometimes cutting and running may be scary, but it is the best thing to do.

Choose a house.then send him to live in the other one.it doesnt sound like you have a lot of feeling left for this man.why are you still together even?I myself could not tolerate anyone who treat my family like that.especially if theres no reason for it.he doesnt sound 'of sound mind' if im honestSorry if its not what you wanted to hear.

Well Manny, I think "that" time has come...

Manny. In a way I suppose I'm glad we didn't get married. I think we would have in the first 2 or 3 years we were together but that passed and I'm glad we didn't.
I hope things do get better for you. Take the bull by the horns. Courage in both hands!! ?

Thanks for that, wellingtonpie. I'm sad about your situation. I, too, fight back. It doesn't make things any different = in fact, it seems to make them worse. I don't want to make a break, but everything has been tried now. Counselling made a bit of a difference for a short while, so maybe you might think of that?
I now find it hard to think of positives in the relationship, which is sad indeed.
Best of luck to you, too

I am also in a similar situation. My partner gave up smoking 7 months ago after almost 60 years. But although it's great not having the smell of smoke around, it seems he has changed personality for the worse. And I'm almost on the point of calling it a day. We've been together 7years. Loved him to bits, but now I'm not sure I even like him. It's like treading on eggshells every time I speak to him. Also he is so short tempered and I cannot do anything right. Unfortunately I don't just sit and take it and fight my corner, consequently the atmosphere is not brilliant. So you are not alone manny but at our ages it's difficult to make a break especially when we should be enjoying each other and life. I also have the same issue with children and grandchildren. But if it came to a choice I know who would win and who would lose. It's sad. It shouldn't be like this. Best if luck.

I am so sorry he does have an unacceptable attitude to your family, please get some legal advice and see whats what. Has he been married before, I am thinking if you married him when he was 74 he was probably way past changing any attitudes he had and no idea of life with young children. Take care and start quietly getting organised so you know your position.

if you leave and live on your own you will feel such a sense of freedom, to do as you want, to have who you want stay and not have to think about the bull he is. Being lonely, well I think that over time that will go as you gain more confidence and make your own life. Dont let this bully come between you and your family and also what is he doing on the internet all the time? leave.

Just wanted to send you a hug - I sort of know how this all feels and it is hard to face up to doing something about it sometimes. Look after yourself - you only have one life, we shouldn't waste it being unhappy. Xx

I have sent you a PM manny. Look after yourself. All best wishes.

I'm so deeply sorry, manny. Have you and he considered returning to counseling? It helped once, maybe it would help again? If you don't think so, then I echo the advice to separate/divorce. But, for practical reasons, I also agree with getting legal advice first. Let us know what you decide.

Your letting this man walk all over you! Personally I would prefer to live with less money and be stress free. I dont understand how you would be more lonely than you are now.
It doesnt matter who is right or wrong if you are so very unhappy with this man and you can't fix it you shouldn't be with him. Try a long period apart and see how you feel. I bet you feel great. Lots of people live aline and are happy and content. Life is too short and all this stress isn't good for you.

I agree Synonymous
Especially if two properties are involved - I hope they are in joint ownership manny

manny So sorry you are so unhappy. }flowers]
Just a note of caution - always get legal advice first before doing anything at all.

I agree with everything that has been suggested to you. The one thing that has not been suggested is jealousy. He could well be jealous of the affection you show towards your children and grandchildren. It's rather like a child jealous of the new born that has invaded the house. Thinking his mother's love is now halved.
Of course,this may be of no use to you. He's almost certainly unable to change so, sadly like everyone else,I would advise you to leave. No marriage is better than an unhappy one. You will never be lonely with your loving family around you. Have courage.

I think I know the type, stubborn, driven sort of men, hard working and successful. I know a couple of men like this and their wives find them difficult they get very entrenched ideas and won't budge an inch. I don't think I could stand it for a minute. I don't think any woman should put up with being treated like that, especially if it affects the family.

You're contemplating leaving which will involve a great deal of upheaval and emotion. It'll require fortitude and conviction, both of which will diminish as the years go by. Please don't leave it too long - it would be all the more sad if you found yourself trapped in a situation that you didn't have the energy or strength to get out of.

Write down all the good things about the marriage and then list all the bad things. Have a good look and I'll bet there's more negative than positive. No man would would lay down the law regarding my family. I know what I would have done ......a long time ago. Be happy. Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

He sounds like a controlling bully who brings you nothing but unhappiness.
Get rid before the situation starts to cause your family relationships to deteriorate.

I'd sort out living in the separate homes. That would give some space and peace whilst giving consideration whether or not to divorce.
Personally, I'd be out of there.

It sorry but I couldn’t be with a man who didn’t treat my children with love and respect for four minutes , let alone four years. I think you need to leave before this man before he ruins your relationships with your children, he doesn’t deserve the lovely extended family he could have.

Two words Manny, leg it! Do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this? He sounds incredibly selfish. Doesn’t he realise how his behaviour is making you feel?

I think you know that you should not have married this man, his attitude suggests he just wanted a housekeeper and he is intolerant of your GC.
No man would tell me my AC could not visit.
You are going to have to grow a backbone and tell him to shape up or ship out.