One way deal

This is a tough one. Never been in this situation, so just giving my first thoughts. Does hubby know you plan on staying at the house for a month this year? If he does, then I think you should just do that and see how it goes. If he doesn't, then you need to let him know. He can choose to stay the whole time or go home earlier. You're not forcing him to stay, just want to be there longer yourself.

See how it feels. If you stay there a month and it's good, then maybe do that a couple of times and then try for two months the next time. And so on. Hubby might get lonely if he goes home without you, though, and so might you. Then maybe one of you will change your mind about how long to stay.

That's all Iv got. Hopefully, others have more.

PS. Have you pointed out the financial advantages to dh?

I understand you saying that being assertive is not easy, however at what point in your life do you stop compromising. You could end up with your whole life never really doing as you would like.
Could you say that you are going to stay in the house for a few months, if he does not stay with you then you will not have to deal with his disapproval.

It is not unusual to want different things , maybe he would respect you for standing up for yourself.

Nanny41
I understand your dilemma. When we lived abroad it wasn't so much a problem as we both wanted a 'holiday' from the country we were living in.
But when we decided to come back to the uk, with the motohome we both wanted to see every country in Europe ( which we did) but I needed to come back at least every 2 months to see the grandchildren.
I was the one feeling guilty keep leaving OH, but he was ok with it because, as he said: I've gone along with everything he's ever wanted to do.
When it was Spain in the winter it was every month.
I would stay the month in your situation. Everyone has to adapt at our age.

It’s hard when you want different things. I’m not sure where you are located now but would your husband be able to tour the U.K. in the motor home while you stay in the house? Is it feasible to drive here? Could a gardener keep things ticking over for a while? I hope a way can be found. Good luck.

Where is he Domiciled ? is this restricting time in the UK for tax reasons a lot of expats have this problem.
If it was me I would not upset the current arrangements if you have property in Spain it can be an awful tangle to undo. I would spend as much time as I could in Cumbria in summer, although I would not want to leave him on his own for too long, you never know what men get up to on their own.

Well you can’t stay in a mans pocket just to make sure he doesn’t stray Diana
I can see the diacotamy you have Nanny4j it’s a difficult one because you have benefits in both countries I can only see the way you are already working it but maybe elongate the visits adding your husbands few weeks onto it so say you stay for two months then your husband joins you for another few weeks and go back together do that a couple of times a year, however the downside is you ll never really feel you completely belong to either neighbourhood
It ll be interesting to hear how you solve this one

If you live in Europe why not drive to Cumbria and use the house as a base to travel the UK in your motor home?

Bluebelle, No not in his pocket I was meaning make sure you socialise together rather than having him go off on his own, it's very easy to say "I'm not interested you go" even grandads get tempted.

Thank you all for being so nice, and giving such good suggestions.
As it stands we have talked it over, and Hubby doesnt mind my staying a bit longer in Cumbria, so I will be there half of March with him, then I stay for almost the whole of April, when it will be time to take out the motorhome after the Swedish winter has ended.I think it will work out well, I hope so. Driving the motorhome from where we live would be expensive and take a long time, we have talked about that but hubby is dubious about driving on the narow winding roads in Cumbria. I think we will settle for the plan I have written about.Thank you all.

Have you considered letting the house as a holiday let for three or four months a year when you are not there. That way the house would be used and you would be able to afford to get someone in to do the gardening.

Perhaps then your DH would then be more enthusiastic about staying there.

stand up for yourself

Are you homesick for England Nanny41?

I live in West Cumbria...not far from Keswick..be happy for a meet up.
We both travel a fair bit and have only been home a full month this year! Mainly to see family and travel. Hoping you can accept a compromise. Good Wishes.

You must have known about his assertive attitude before you married him. Have you ever gone against his wishes before...since the wedding and what was the outcome?

I do feel that in retirement, this is our last chance to realise some of our dreams, and some times that means doing our own thing for periods of time. Have said before on here, your feelings are just as important as his and he has to realise this or he will lose you. Compromise and respect, good luck ....

If you are both happier in two different places then the compromise is 6 months in each, split into whatever chunks of time suits best. If one is a warmer place then it makes sense to spend more of the winter there and then avoid the boiling hot summers by coming back to Cumbria. Time for you to say what you want and that you're willing to compromise but that you expect him to do likewise. That's what marriage is all about or, if you can't agree, then you can both spend some time apart in the place you like best. If you continue to facilitate his bullying behaviour then you cannot expect him to stop of his own accord. Your wants need to be pointed out to him and then you act on them.

Judyjudy12 hit the nail on the head.. Stand up for yourself and let him know what YOU want for a change.

Let it our to local people when you are not there. They will be so happy.

Presumably at some point in your life you decided as a couple to make France your home. Now you have been gifted a house in the UK and discovered that you love being there, but is it fair to expect your husband to share your love of the place and give up a lot of his time to be there?
Yes it is not only uneconomical but also a waste of a house, to go there for a few weeks and presumably leave it empty the rest of the time. Unless you have any family or a friend interested in living there permanently, and assuming that you have a happy marriage that you wish to preserve, the obvious thing would be to rent it out or sell it.

Have you considered the house being a holiday let through a reputable agent? That way the house is earning its keep and you can always block out the times you want to be there,

If only I had that dilemma...I haven't been on holiday since 2010 ?

Tell him you want to stay in the house for 3 months, then let him persuade you down to 6 weeks or 1 month.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions, mostly positive,Its not easy to inderstand, firstly we dont live in France as somebody thought, but we live in Sweden, my Husband is Swedish, he would never let out this house here, although I am sure people would love the opportunity, and we would have somebody to take of the garden as well as having some extra money.We let out our house in Cumbria to people we know, a few times a year.I would love to be there for a few months in the Spring then could be here in our home during the Summer, and maybe a little while in the Autumn, when Husband could travel in the motorhome here in Sweden.
Someone asked if I am homesick for the UK, yes I am, but I miss speaking English, the only time I do is when I am in the UK. I really miss speaking my own lamguage another reason why I love being in the UK, its hard for anyone to understand, but getting older makes me want to use my native language more and more. At least with Gransnet I can write in English, thank you all.