Don’t know hether I’m coming or going

I agree with DoraMarr if you are safe in the house you currently have then don't rush into anything drastic.
You have had a traumatic time, give yourself space to recover a little then discuss your options with friends and family.
It's sad when someone you love goes down this route but he is the only one who can change this. Good luck for the future.

I would imagine your friends and family would be only too happy to help you do whatever it takes to get away from this man.

Thank you all for your amazing messages I’m totally overwhelmed .
Just to reply to some of your comments. The court has put a none molestation order on my ex so he will go to jail if he comes near me. I can’t believe things got this bad.
I don’t have to move but I just need to start a new life but can’t decide how to do it.
I’m blessed with a lovely family and friends but I just don’t feel I can burden them with my problems any more. I’ve always been the one to sort everyone else’s problems. Inspired thinking on my behalf posting on here however. I feel so much better . Thank you again x

A very sad situation, Felicity. And something that rings bells with me.
I know that alcoholics must take responsibility themselves, but the 'demon alcohol' so quickly takes a grip. and changes a decent person into ......... what a waste of a life.
All I can say is think of yourself now. Do you have any children or close family?

Losing your partner and your home is a lot to cope with at the same time. Do you have to move? it is going to take a while to sell and during that time he may get the message that he cannot come back which I assume is why you are moving. Could this be the time that he stops drinking when he realises he has lost you forever?

My only advice would be to fill your time with things that can occupy your mind to stop you thinking.

Move house as soon as possible, it’s unlikely to get any better and you deserve your life.?

I echo coolgran. Your grief now, and it is grief, will fade. You will feel better, and you do have a happy life ahead of you. Take care of yourself. Eat well, walk in the park, have little treats, buy some new clothes, see friends and family.
But, do you have to put your house on the market just yet? It may be something you want to do in the future, but if you are happy and safe living there, can you give yourself some time to take stock?

I'm so sorry that this has happened. You will be feeling grief at the loss of what once was, and what you had hoped for your future together.

After 22 years I divorced my ex husband, the house was sold and I bought a smaller house nearby for myself and my son. The relief was immense.
However, after a couple of weeks I found myself sitting with my GP in floods of tears. I had no great worries.
GP told me I had been at first busy, organising etc etc. Then when the move was done and I sat down, the adrenalin backed off -- and grief for a marriage and unhappy years, and for the loss of what should have been. Time healed me.

There is always a future. Perhaps some suitable counselling to help you understand that there is a future and that it can be wonderful. Whatever and wherever it may be.

Don't close yourself in the future to new friendships, some may just be acquaintances but there also may be someone you find you could be friends with.
I do hope you have a couple of friends at present to help you in real life, through the next few weeks.

We are always here.

Are there things which being in this relationship has stopped you doing? (Silly question, I'm sure!)
Try to concentrate on those things; maybe having friends round?
Not having to walk on eggshells?
Being able to relax in your own home?
Are you living in an area you want to be in, or is there somewhere else you fancy?
There really is nothing to gain by staying shackled to this man, even emotionally.
Its hard when you love someone, I know, but look at him for who he is now, not the charmer you fell for.

Just take one step at a time is the best way forward. Make a list and then prioritise them and deal with one thing at a time. The most important thing is that you must put yourself first for now , be selfish.
If I were you I would not tell him where you are going to either or he will be knocking on your door in a drunken rage in the middle of the night.
Hope you can get some support from friends and family but if not you will definitely get some from here.

There is an organisation called Al Anon which helps people who loves someone whose life has been affected by alcohol. There are also many other organisations who might be able to help. Look online. Sorry to hear about your plight.

I think "poor me" is entirely appropriate! - so do not apologise.

What a sad thing to happen to the man you loved. I do hope there are some folk in real life who can walk beside you through the upheaval.