Need advice on what to do now

when I mentioned their brother they say he’s gone by his own choice, if he wants to see them , he can come here.

sometimes stubbornness gets in the way of good family relationships.

I do hope that your DH will take you, even if he makes an excuse not to go in himself, although it would be lovely if he could just pop in to see his grandchild.
Now your son has tentatively offered a first step, I hope you and your DH will take it, with a smile and no recriminations.

NangemI want to begin by telling you how sorry I am. I remember your other posts and it's very sad to learn that there's been little improvement.

Please show this to your husband because as a mother who has been estranged from her youngest son for 6 years, has never seen her youngest GC and hasn't seen the eldest since he was 8 months, don't let this opportunity, as small as it may seem, pass you by.

I don't doubt it will be upsetting to see your GD and know that she doesn't know you're her GP's; we'd feel the same. As long as you're aware this will be the case, and you appear to be, it wont come as a complete surprise.

Despite your d.i.l., your son has told you about the new baby and asked you to visit. It was our DS who told us our ES was to become a father for a second time.

I totally understand your H not going where he's not wanted but please try to arrange a visit and go. If it doesn't work out which I hope and pray wont be the case, you tried.

Although I don't think it would be a good idea to do this, the alternative could be that your H drops you off and then picks you up when the visit is over. I do think that if he did this, it could make the situation worse but at least you'd be able to go.

I hope you can work something out.

I agree with Maggie- your son has offered an olive branch, so accept it. Can you get there on your own? Don’t worry about your grandchild not recognising you, she was so little when you last saw her she won’t have a memory of you anyway. Perhaps this will be a new chapter in your family life, and you will be closer to your son, daughter in law and grandchildren. Don’t listen to others, follow your heart.

I've no experience of your situation either, Nanagem, but hope that others come along who can advise you, as Teetime says. What an awful situation you're in.

For what it's worth, I think you need to see your son and his family. He has told you you'd be welcome and it looks as though this is the only way you'll find out their address, so that you can keep in closer touch. Surely your DH or one of your other children would drive you there, even if they chose not to go in? Best wishes to you.

nanagem I am so sorry - how terribly sad for you. I dont have anything to say other than my sympathy but there are lots of Gransnetters who are experiencing similar situations who I feel sure will be able to share their advice with you. I do hope you can see them soon. xx