Children’s inheritance

I have recently heard of a young couple who have taken out a huge mortgage which won’t be paid off till they are 70. They openly say that the parents will be dead by then and the inheritance will pay off the mortgage. If my children said that out loud to me I would be horrified.

Whilst my adult children wouldn't refuse anything left from our house once we pop our clogs they have said time and time again not to save money "for them". Just to enjoy what we have now. By all accounts all three could buy and sell us many times over, we are the less well off ones.

Then there are people like my DM, who, with her brother were the beneficiaries of the 120 year old, very substantial family trust. Her attitude was that although this was family money, intended by my gt grandfather to benefit the following generations, she had the right to spend it. And she did. My uncle didn't. His children are multi-millionaires. I'm still working in my late 60s.

My children are well aware that my money was earned by me, and will be spent by me as I wish. They both have the attitude that I should enjoy what I have. If either of them suggested that I shouldn't sell my house so they could inherit, I'd call their bluff and cut them out of my will.

I would never have expected my parents to go without to leave a house to myself and my brother. When my dad was alive I would have been delighted to see him enjoy life and spend what he had worked hard for all his life.

Living in France the inheritance laws are different ...the house is inherited by children if there are any ...unless one has murdered a parent !! AND in law (although no often in practice) children are respsonsible, in turn, for their parents... including giving them an allowance if they find themselves in dire straits ! My neighbour is currently paying the extra between his mum's payment of E 1,700 a month care home fees and the actual cost of £2790 ......as she hasn't yet died the house is still hers .........I am not sure what happens if there are no children, although one house in the village was procured by the State to pay towards the owner's care home fees ......

My neighbour signed her house over to her children 5 years ago. Now she needs to move nearer family so children have to sell house so she can move.

I just reread my post , 1st husband not 1st choice!!

HurdyGurdy has, IMO, the right idea. ACs buy house, mum downsizes, ACs let the house and invest rental income, then divide all monies from the house and rental
income equally, when they collectively decide to do so. I could bet any money that it would end in petty squabbling.

We are contemplating taking out an interest only mortgage to pay for an extension, repayable when we sell the house - or should we approach our children for a loan from the bank of son and daughter

We're doing our best to spend their inheritance.

I really hate the advert on tv at the moment for equity release so that you can give the cash released to your children. The one with a delighted offspring sitting in the background.

The house belongs to her. She can do what she wants with it, end of.

Never give in to emotional blackmail, that is a hide onto nothing.

I love my dd very much, but my job is done. I brought her up and educated her to the best of my ability.

If she were to threaten never to see me again for something like that, I would call her bluff.

JacquiG, I’m interested to see why you’ve said, “ Of course” you wouldn’t spend your children’s inheritance! Am I a hard-hearted Hannah who certainly wouldn’t do without some wee luxuries just so I could leave some money.

Our two children are encouraging us to spend their inheritance. We aren't of course, but they keep saying we must enjoy what we have and not think we must pass on loadsamoney. They have struggled at times as we all do, and we have helped them out when we can, but majority of parents do this?
The partner of DS has twice said we must not worry about not having anybody to care for us, we are more than welcome to live with them when the time comes.
I was quite choked about this, such generosity, especially as she recently nursed her mother through terminal cancer.
Following on from that, is it possible to come to an arrangement whereby house is sold and parent goes to live with child and contribute to costs via pension etc? Keeps the money in the family?
I'm lucky. DD believes in multi generational living. She says it's old fashioned but practical, esp when there are children to look after, and she and husband must both work.

Thank you Gransnetters for your advice which my friend has found very helpful. I have just spoken to her again today and she says she has decided to sell the house.

A friend’s daughter has said she will NEVER speak to her mother again if she sells the family house that her mother has only owned for 11 years!

My husbands sister in law has asked me several times when we are selling our house, downsizing and then giving money to our adult children!

Some completely cheeky people out there: Mumsnetters have a rather ruder word!

Mabon1 I think you are right that she is worrying about her future relationship with her children if she does sell.
She has 3 children with her DH and 2 stepchildren. It seems it is the stepchildren who are winding the others up, because they are worried she won’t leave them anything in her will, though she has always said the inheritance will be shared equally amongst the 5 of them. She says what upsets her most is that her friends are giving her more support than her children.

My late parents sold the home I had grown up in when I was in my first year at university, it had been in our family for 5 generations (since it was built) and although I was naturally emotional I understood since my fathers health had deteriorated necessitating early retirement from work at age 60. It never occurred to me even as an only child to object!
My own children are urging me to sell my house! and to get somewhere easier to manage now that I am recovering from cancer and find the constant upkeep requirements of my Victorian house a worry.
I would advise (assuming the house is not tied up in a trust preventing your friend from selling it) that she is firm with the children they definitely sound like they hail from the entitled to brigade!

My daughter told me and her stepdad (1st choice died 24 years ago) to go "skiing ! In other words spend the kids inheritance because they didn't expect or need it!!

I am assuming that when your friend pops her clogs the children’s ‘ sentimental attachment’ to the family home will quickly disappear! Or do they all intend to live together to keep it in the family?
Sounds like they don’t want their mother benefitting from the sale of HER house, and squandering what they see as their inheritance.

What a sad situation it is, really feel for you. It makes me all the more determined to enjoy our SKI holidays- Spending Kids’ Inheritance!

It is not in the children's gift to prevent the selling of the house, your chem can do as she wishes. Perhaps she is afraid of losing them though if she chooses to do so.

I think it depends on the attitude of the children and perhaps the relationship with their parents.
BIL persuaded his mother to stay in her home for as long as possible as she was happier there but even he had to admit that she found it very difficult to manage for the last two or three years. Obviously he was also hoping that he would inherit the house. In the end though she just had to go into a home as her dementia took hold and for peace of mind, etc. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn't. She never settled and blamed him. My advice is to live where you feel you can manage best and to move before your health worsens and the decision is taken out of your hands. Then it will be your decision and you can come to terms with it.

crazyH - A will can be written in that way because that is exactly what my In laws have done. It doesn't feel great being excluded from their will even though I've been married to their son for over 40 years. It's something I'm considering as I plan to rewrite my will soon.