Children’s inheritance

Disgusting!
I hope this isn't a growing trend.
Is your friend going to do as her children wish?

My kids are well aware that's what mine is mine to do as I wish with until I pop my clogs. Then and only then does it become their inheritance.
She should do as she pleases and tell them to do one.

I dont think they can stop her selling unless its written in their fathers will that its to go to them.My MIL was willed her parents home for her lifetime only ,her parents never liked her choice of husband so they didn't want him to get anything that was theirs.The house is intended for my OH .MIL has always said its his house and it was only recently we checked the deeds and his name was put on them decades ago.Maybe your friends husband had that intention and told his family about it so they are trying to get her to stick with his will.

Those adult children are being very selfish. Do they want their mother to live with worries about needing care and also money worries for 10 or 20 years?
Your friend should do as she pleases.

A sad but all too common example of entitlement IMO. Some of these adult children need to realise that an inheritance is a gift, not a right.

Don’t these people realise that is the mother needs to go into residential care the house will be sold to fund it!

My immediate and extended family were all great believers in helping each other out financially (and in many other ways) if they could. I have followed suit and "lent" money to absentdaughter which I knew she would never be able to repay until I was aged about 274 or, possibly, older.

I think it is important, if it is possible, to provide financial help to your family when it is needed – an unplanned baby on the way, a job redundancy, an expensive structural repair to the house, a worn-out washing machine, a pet dog in the pound facing euthanasia, a sick pet cat needing surgery, a new car because the old one is conked and six children have to go to school on Monday.

I have always made it clear that I will help when I can, but that knocks it off your inheritance. That is not because I am mean; in fact, I think it is the opposite because I have given (not lent) it to you now when it really matters. Money that would have made my old age just that little bit easier has been spent to make absentdaughter's life and that of her family a little bit easier and I was happy to do it.

Absentdaughter does not begrudge what I spend on myself because she doesn't think it automatically belongs to her after I die. Indeed, if I left whatever capital I still have to the SPCA to care for feral and abandoned cats, she would cheer because she knows me so well and loves me so much.

Perhaps the adult children would like to keep the house in the family. They may have sentimental ties to it. In that case, they could look at buying the house between them and letting their mother live there. My children were considering taking on the small mortgage when I sold the family home, but in the end I sold and they haven’t given it another thought. The mother needs to have a conversation with all the children together to find out why they don’t want her to sell, and try to come to a compromise. However, in the end the house is hers and she can do what she likes, unless the children are entitled to a say according to the will.

I agree with Dora. If the children have a sentimental attachment to the house, they should look at buying it themselves. Regardless of your friend and her children's wishes, the house or the sale proceeds may be swallowed up by care costs in due course.

As paddyann has said, if the DC are that adamant it does sound as if the house may have been left to the wife and then the DC. She needs to check the will.

She could sell the house and give the children a (small) lump sum out of the proceeds to ensure they get some if their 'inheritance'.

her children have said she is not to sell the family home as it is their inheritance ( it has been in the family for 2 generations)

Two generations?
Hardly the ancestral home then.
The AC need a reality check as has been pointed out regarding care fees in future years.

Could the children rent it off her, giving her the income to rent a flat in a sheltered development?

What a greedy grasping lot her children sound. Putting lining their pockets ahead of their mother's well being.

There used to be a law against selling your house to your children if at an age when you might need care.
Families were doing this to avoid paying for care for the parent, thinking, the 'Social' will pay instead.
When a person goes into a care home the social services can get access to bank accounts to see if there are any hidden funds etc.

Some parents used to sign their house over to their children to avoid inheritance tax and/or the house having to be sold to cover any care costs.

I suppose some still do but I believe I'm right in thinking that if a care home is required, within 7 years of the house being signed over, it is still regarded as an asset of the parent(s).

The OP's friend's husband could not enforce by his will, his wife leaving the house to their AC.

No law Fennel I don't think but the points to think about are: a) if you don't have the means to pay for your own care home the LA can look back as far as it likes to see if you have disposed of assets and can require you to pay. b) if you sell/give your house away but still live in it you must pay an economic rent for it or it will still be included for IHT.

These children appear to have no sentimental attachment to the house, just want their money protected! I think your friend needs to sit down with them to discuss the best way forward as she won't want to tell them they are selfish and grasping. Perhaps she can explain why she wants/needs to sell the house and how she would use the proceeds. It may be that she would give them some of the money now rather than after her death or that whatever property she buys will have a value for them. If the worst comes to the worst she can explain that she could leave it all to a cats home if they continue to be difficult, she doesn't have to leave it to them at all!

In the ten years since my mother died, I have gradually handed over to my 3 AC all of the inheritance I had from her estate.
My own home is not, on a national scale, worth a great amount but I hope there can be a reasonable 3way split when I die.
My capital now consists of what's left of my own lump sum and savings and that capital would not keep me in a reasonable care home long-term.
I have discussed all of this with my offspring in a calm, sympathetic and (almost) light-hearted way, pointing out that if I hand over any more cash they'll have to contribute to care home fees.
The only way to deal fairly with family financial issues is to talk about them openly and honestly and accept no bullying.

Does anyone know if I can write my house and savings to my 3 children, but in the event of their divorce or death, the money will not pass on to their partners and in case of death, will be shared by the other 2 siblings. I'm sure you will say it can go to his children (my grandchildren). But I have always been of the opinion that the grandchildren will be taken care of by their parents anyway.

Nonnie you're right, I was thinking about it while out this am and realised what I wrote didn't make sense.
I was going back to my experience with my Mum - we sold her house to pay for her care home fees. The LA always kept an eye on her bank accounts.

I don't think you can leave property or money to someone with instructions as to what happens to it after their death; suggestions can be made but have no force in law if the property is left directly to one person; it is theirs to do with as they will.
It sounds as if the adult children are using emotional blackmail to ensure their inheritance, which is fine as long as they are prepared to take full responsibility, physical and financial for their mother's care should she need it. I doubt if they are.

Absent
My friend has helped her children financially and emotionally over the years. If it hadn’t been for her and her husband supporting them, none of them would be as well off as they are now. This is what rankles me, when she needs support from them they are turning against her

crazyh please don't t follow any amateur advice, however well-meant.
You really need legal guidance as to the feasibility of your plan and also on how it might or might not be possible to include in your will. Only your solicitor can do this for you.
(A bit odd though to want to exert control from the afterlife!)

crazy mcem is right and you need to see a solicitor for some proper advice.

eazybee is also correct. You cannot dictate
what happens to an inheritance you've passed on, that becomes the right of the beneficiary. We found this out a couple of years ago when making changes to our wills.

Surely this lady has the right to choose to sell her own home or not...she should not need permission from her AC. They come across as wanting for themselves in the form of a future inheritance, rather than thinking of their own mother"s health and daily needs. Too selfish. And in any case the mother may want to include other benefactors besides her children in any thing she leaves behind. There is too much assumption these days and a feeling of entitlement by some people that they should automatically receive everything the parents have. I would put the house on the market, move to to the sheltered housing with or without their approval, make sure you have a will in place and enjoy the rest of your life.