Mixed feelings about becoming a grandmother; is this normal?

Congratulations!
Don’t worry about worrying Newgran, it’s perfectly normal! And as someone else has said you’re unlikely to be a helicopter gran - which is a good thing.
My DD was so terrified when she found out she was pregnant (she has ME) that I had no time to worry - I was too busy reassuring her!

I to felt anxious and didn’t see much of my grandchildren as I was widowed and working full time miles away from them. It’s lovely now they are grown up. I am so proud of them and keep up with their adventures via Facebook. One is currently working in Cambodia building loos for those without. Others are in professional caring jobs. I will be a great grandmother in the new year. Now that is worrying.....

I have looked after all my DGC to some extent but the newest one due soon will be different because I now have severe arthritis and cannot do what I used to. I am already upset that I will not be able to do for this one what I did for the others. Please enjoy your GC newgran, you never know what’s around the corner.

I suppose I was underwhelmed when my daughter in law told me she was pregnant. Did all the 'right' things, buying for the baby etc, but oh wow when I visited her in hospital, and my grandson was just a few hours old, I fell completely in love. He is 13 now, and I have 6 of the little darlings, and love them all too bits.....don't worry I'm sure those feelings will come. I wouldn't want to be tied to 'childminding' so many days a week,(I'm no mother earth), but babysit, help out and see them all at least once a week (I'm still working 3 days a week), so have a nice balance between, working, family, and friends.
Let us all know how you feel when the little one arrives x

Annaram1 The abbreviations are :

DD- Dear daughter
DS-Dear son
DGD-Dear granddaughter
DH-Dear husband

And so on! took me a while to grasp it to

I remember feeling very anxious about becoming a grandmother, my first grandchild was born 14 years ago.
I refused to talk to people who seemed to have nothing better to talk about than how excited I must be. I realised I was being very selfish and I never spoke about my feelings to my daughter. I cannot understand or put in to words why I felt this way, only to say that I worried I wasn't going to be good enough and didn't realise what was expected of me .
I now have 3 grandchildren who have been and are very much part of my life . I enjoy their company but I still get very anxious.
I suppose being an only child and not seeing my grandparents while growing up doesn't help.
I am relieved to hear that other gransnetters feel the same.

Sounds normal to me. I was in love with my grandchildren from the first moment but I worry often about how they will be affected by my dying, drugs and knives on the street and even in the schools, our crazy exam culture, far right politics, global warming, life threatening childhood illnesses ....... and sometimes wonder if it is right to bring new little people into this scary world.

If it is what is happening to you then it's ok to feel like that. We all react differently.

I found comfort from my worries in writing to my unborn Grandchild. Letters. Lots of them I kept them in a notebook.

My daughter and her husband live 400 miles away so I have always been a long distance Grandma.

She is now nearly eleven years old and I am still sending her letters, postcards, little silly stuff. She loves it.

She particularly loves the letters I wrote before she was born.

All the best with being a Grandma. It's a lovely club to belong to !

Just relax and enjoy. Being a grandparent is amazing x

My husband and I had mixed feelings too. Husband was a bit huffy because she wasn't married, even though she was 35 and in a good relationship! It took us a few days to realise how wonderful it was. I remember when I was pregnant my dad couldn't look anywhere near my big tummy. He kept his eyes at head level!

Albangirl14 is so right about hanging back when the baby is born - there is no need to insist on being "indispensible" at a time when the new family is getting to know each other.

Completely normal to have mixed feelings I think. Love my grandchildren and enjoy minding them although I have cut down to 1 day a week now as it got too much.

However they are all my lads children and although I adore my dils I know if/when my dd becomes pregnant I would be far more worried.

My sil has her grandchildren practically all the time and they would drive me crackers.

Horses for courses

newgran2019
I was anxious when told I was going to be a grandmother but this was about my DIL as she and my son live over 200 miles away It could have been worse as they were over 400 miles at the beginning of their marriage years ago I was excited as I got the scan photos sent while she ways going through the pregnancy We thought we could be down there around the time of the birth of my grand twins but was understanding that they needed this special time on their own to bond as it was overwhelming for them So we didn’t see them till they were over a week old and I was reassured as her parents didn’t see them till just before us They are now 2.5 years and we see them every six weeks or so but of course lots of photos videos FaceTime etc although they haven’t quite got the grasp of holding the phone to have face to face conversations LOL but loving this phase now when we can have proper chats to our granddaughter and grandson We alternate Christmas Day so we had last year which was more interesting than the year before this year we will see them after Boxing Day We are indeed blessed as some of my friends don’t see their grandchildren at all or which I think is worse only seeing half of their grandchildren who talk about seeing their cousins ! My daughter who lives close doesn’t have children but is a Nanny to 3 small children and they come here occasionally to see our cats LOL so I get a surrogate fix here

I think it’s natural that a “ promotion “ up to the next level of the family tree should make you think about your own experiences of being a parent and a child yourself and those feelings can be overwhelming , especially if you carry the pain of having post natal depression . I know this is exactly how I felt . However , you will know how to be truly supportive as you know what was missing in your own experiences. Having a new grandchild is like falling in love . Just wonderful . But it can throw us into reflective mode .

Honestly what you are feeling and over thinking about is all quite 'normal' you say your DD has had health issues so naturally you are going to be thinking round that. When baby arrives I am sure you will be a lovely gran and enjoy him or her in your own way. Bear in mind that when you were mum you were in charge of solving all the day to day problems of a family but now you are going to be gran and have to give support and hardest thing of all, keep quiet. Good luck and enjoy.

I looked after my son's three children on numerous occasions due to both parents working. My daughter lived in Canada so I couldn't help much with her daughter, except when we went on holiday there.

Most of the time the children were lovely, but they could also be naughty and rude, and then I wished I did not have to look after them! Now I don't regret anything and am always glad to see them although they are all grown up now. Not everybody is a born grandma just as not everybody is a born mum.
By the way the use of letters instead of full words is very annoying because I can't always work out what they mean. What is a DGD? and DS etc?

newgrang as already said on here, everyone reacts differently. Unfortunately when my dd2 announced she was pregnant I did upset her because I didn’t jump up and down for joy! I wasn’t over the moon about it because I knew it was going to change my life immensely. However when dgs arrived I immediately fell in love with him. Again when dd1 announced she was pregnant I was actually upset. She didn’t want children and was herself devastated by this “accident” though her partner of 12 years is delighted. This time I know my life will definitely change as, because she hasn’t a lot of money she is intending to go back to work after 3-4 months and as her partner works away a lot I know my life will change because of babysitting demands. I am sure I will love this baby when she arrives though.

Hi, Worry is fairly normal, especially when you know what having a new born around is like.
I was delighted when my 1st grandchild was born ( into an extended family) to Eldest son.. I now look after her every week she is a joy at 8. But like you I am worried about my youngest son who has just announced his fiancee is pregnant -this will also be an extended family, but my worry is money neither is good with money even though son has a good job and I will be too far away to help as 2.5 hrs drive much ( plus am much older now) - secretly delighted though! Am in knitting/sewing frenzy and am doing a baby box- just a bit of added support for them. Can't wait!

Congratulations! Please don't be dissapointed if you are not asked to be involved when the baby is due or first born. Lots of parents like to have this special time to themselves and this helps the parental bond . I live within 45mins of mine so could pop over with a prepared meal or a pile of returned washing but we didnt stay long and didnt interfere. Difficult when you live so far but am sure you can think of ways to be supportive.

We are all different so nothing can be classed as normal. I was ecstatic at the births of all my 5 GC and have loved every minute of all the various stages. Chat to your daughter and discuss what she would like from you, your involvement etc It’s a learning curve for you both, so good luck ....

I feel the same way MissAdventure not everyone is besotted by babies but its probably not politic on this forum to say so. I love my grandchildren and always have but even more now they are grown up.
Newgran I am sure you will love this new addition to the family but that doesn't mean besotted, we all have different ways of showing our love, don't over think this.

Please don't worry newgran, as you name says, its all very new. If you can just relax and be sensitive to the needs of the young family I'm sure all will be well. In my view its usual to feel a bit odd about becoming a grandparent, after all we haven't done it before any more than the parents to be have. There are many ways to be a grandparent. I also wasn't besotted with my own babies, preferred it as they became a little older. I found with my grandchildren that it was different, perhaps because I was less anxious and the ultimate responsibility wasn't mine. The fact that you have concerns is, in my view, positive and an excellent indicator of a wonderful relationship with the whole family. Do keep in touch, lots of support here.

I'm not really a 'baby' person, and that didn't change when I had grandchildren.
Quite a few people seemed to think I would become obsessed with them, but I didn't, and haven't still.

newgran2019 What I meant is that if you go through the threads on 'relationships, you will find thread after thread about grandmothers so besotted by their grandchildren that they are demanding to see them every day, three times a week, when ever they turn up etc etc and the parents are trying to say 'no, that is too much.' In desperation to bring their children up as they wish, not as a grandmother demands some eventually cut the grandparents off completely.

I think you are highly unlikely to do that, apart from anything else, you live 250 miles away. I live 200 miles from my DGC, the other grandmother lives a few miles away. Both of us love our DGC dearly. But both of us have stood back, been available to help when needed, but not pushed ourselves on them. Their parents are the ones responsible for the children and know what is best for them. We do not.

It has worked so well that when we celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary this year , we all went on holiday together for a week.

Grandchildren are a joy, a blessing and a drain on your purse. I should know, I have 6.
Congratulations Newgran. Don't worry too much...I'm sure everything will go well. Shame they're moving 250 miles away.
All my family live near and I have been the 'go to' childminder. When I was younger, it was ok, but now that I'm older and with health issues, I'm finding it tough going.
Good luck!