Mixed feelings about becoming a grandmother; is this normal?

Having just spent a full-on weekend babysitting, which is unusual for me, I can say I am still getting used to the changed relationship with DD. She is a good mum and I am proud of her but I am walking a fine line. I never know quite what my role should be.
This time it went well but at other times I feel her stress but somehow whatever I say or do is wrong.
The babies are wonderful and seem to like me but I am quite an old GM so maybe she resents that
I think she has an ideal GP and I don't quite fit the bill. I also didn't know my own GPS.
Good luck with your new role. I hope the birth goes well.

We have mixed feelings in this regard . I found that I fell totally in love with my first grandchild and with the next two.
I am very involved and supportive -this is the role Ive taken on because I personally didnt have Grandparents and always wished I had 'd had some .

I didn't say anything to my family either, newgran, although I did discuss it with a close friend. I think my daughter picked up on it a bit as I fussed more over her than the baby. I busied myself getting meals and helping with housework when we visited them (she had a C-section). Once she was stronger herself she would ask me to take him for a bit while she did something else and it was then I really bonded with my grandson.

Newgran, I am not a baby person either but I adore my 4 grandchildren. It’s a different type of relationship.

Here here Brismum and Lilypops.
Or is it "Hear hear"??

I do so recognise myself 8 years ago in your post. I was so depressed about my daughter's pregnancy. Everyone at work was congratulating me but I had to pretend to be delighted. I had had still born twins when she was 3 and I was dreading her having any problems. The baby was completely secondary. The day my daughter went into labour I had the most appalling crying fit and even had huge nose bleed. Everything was perfect. My second daughter has since had 2 children and I adore them all. Please, please give yourself some time. The new person has to get used to you too. Please, please be kind to yourself. You are human. All will be well. You have wonderful times ahead of you. Getting to know your daughter as a mother and getting to know your grandchild will be a really valued experience. Hugs to you.

Monica didnt actually say you can love them too much. She said some can be devoted - too much. Which is true.

Just be yourself, it will all fall into place.

Lots of good thoughts already expressed by Grans. Your anxiety and concern about your daughter's wellbeing may be linked to the memories of your experiences with your own mother and a difficult pregnancy as you suggested. I am guessing that perhaps your mother was not a great role model as a grandmother? New experiences often evoke long buried old memories and anxieties.

Don't worry about not being a "little baby" person. Not everyone loves the baby stage. I know several people who didn't really like the baby stage at all but still made a great job of it and then were terrific with older children as mothers and grandmothers.

Another aspect of becoming a grandparent, especially for the first time, is moving up the generational train. This can be quite confronting particularly if your own parents are deceased. Suddenly you are in the front carriage and thoughts of our own mortality can be a source of anxiety and apprehension.

Newgran you sound like a very thoughtful person who is anxious to do the right thing in supporting your daughter and welcoming your new little one. Trying to establish new family patterns can be a bit like trying to read a map in a foreign language. You know the general direction you want to travel in but are not so sure about the details. Holding your first grandchild in your arms is a wonderful experience and reinforces the belief in the continuity of life itself. You will be fine. ?

I'm not telling my family how I feel as I'm not proud of it. I'm not worried about how I'l be when the child is born, as I expect that will be fine; it's how I feel now that seems odd to me. Thanks, Gabriella, you have actually made me feel worse! My problems were in pregnancy; once the babies were born, things went well.

I remember feeling rather underwhelmed when my first grandson was born, despite having prayed my daughter would be able to conceive as she also had PCOS. I didn't feel ready to be a grandmother and I'd never really enjoyed my own children until they were a few months old. Everyone expected me to want to cuddle him all the time and I felt scared in case I dropped him or did something now considered wrong.
Although they lived over an hour's drive away they came to visit almost every weekend and it wasn't long before I regained confidence in my baby care skills, relaxed and enjoyed him. With subsequent grandchildren I couldn't wait to cuddle them!
It isn't that I love him any less than the others. He is now 9yrs old, we are best buddies and I love him to bits. It just took me a while to slip into the role.
Newgran, your feelings seem quite normal to me. Just give it time!

Oh...I shouldn't worry, or at least, try not to impose your own feelings on anyone around you. Your daughter is the one having the child and all you need to do is enjoy the baby when (s)he arrives. I feel that it wouldn't be a great idea for you to be around her at or for a week or two at least, after the birth.
Your anxiety may be felt by your daughter and she doesn't need that, at a time when she and her husband are bonding with their baby and trying to establish some sort of routine.
Try not to expect that your daughter will have the problems that you face(d), the last thing she needs is a jittery mother.
I hope all goes well and you sit back, relax and help only when asked.

I am a grandmother to 2 and soon to a 3rd, a little boy, I already have 1 of each.
I can understand how overwhelming all this can feel, but I assure you that when your grandchild arrives, the love you will feel will flow so strongly and will feel very different to the love you were able to give to your daughter, without this sending as a reproach, we've all felt it. The way my grandchildren greet me is so rewarding.
Perhaps you find it difficult to relive how you felt when you were pregnant. Your daughter will want your support and advice, however far she lives and every time you visit, you will appreciate each other. Take the time now to enjoy your daughter's pregnancy and look forward to getting things ready for the arrival. You'll be a fantastic grandma!

Annaram1 Many of the 'shorthand' letters confuse me, too. DGD = Dear Granddaughter, and DS is Dear son. If you scroll to the bottom of the page and click on Acronyms there is a helpful list. Personally, I would rather type the whole word.

Brismum, Mabon,s answer to everything i have noticed is to say, "get over it, not very helpful is she,
Grans come on here for advice and to share their experiences and problems for help and advice ,, not to be told to get over it,The OP is. Genuinely worried about how she will react on becoming a Grandmother, I get once she holds that baby in her arms she will just love it,

From one overthinking grandparent to another.... I have no doubt you will fall in love with your DGC when they arrive. The pleasure they bring will outweigh any worries you have. I do think it's usual for GPs to reflect at this time on their own lives and their own experience of parenting. I often think my daughter is a much better parent than I could ever be. Relax! The baby has parents to worry, that's part of their job. This is your chance to have a child in your life who is for you to enjoy. Gran, Granny, Nana? Whatever you are, it will be the best sound ever when you hear that wee person say it. I wish you all the joy

I agree newgran that not giving advice seems odd with all our years of wisdom but the thing is they will soon tell you that things have changed enormously since you had them, of course babies don't really change but my goodness ideas on child rearing seem to. Its things like we were encouraged to feed the baby and then put them back down in the cot but now they are often fed and then carried around for ages. I'm to saying one is right and the other wrong just different. Of course if you are asked for advice thats fine specially with your own daughter.

I love all my grandchildren, but my first is very special....I don't mean special to me, I mean he's just special.....he's so loving, caring, sensitive, ....I actually worry about him when he goes out into the world and has to face so many challenges. I hope he toughens up and as someone else said, I don't know how he will cope when I die. He is also very close to his paternal grandad.....
And to those who say they don't feel grandmotherly, don't worry.....we are all different. For instance I don't coo over babies in their prams in the shopping centre...

Congratulations. Best job I ever had!

Congratulations newgran, i too was a bit apprehensive as I knew my dd and dsil would struggle financially. After gs born everything fell into place. We helped out a bit financially so dd could stay at home with dgs for 1 year maternity leave. I went down one day each week and spend so much good quality time with my dd and dgs. He was and still is a smiley child. He has brought so much love and fun into my life. I adore him and even though he lives about 120 miles away from me if he is unwell with a cold and cannot go to nursery I rush down to care for him. Now my dd has just had a second ds and he is gorgeous too. Although both pregnancies went smoothly this time she had difficult birth as baby large and 12 days overdue. I went down after sil had gone back to work to help her cope with 2 dgs's on each Monday and came back Tuesday evening then went back down again on Friday and came back Saturday. Each time 2 took large lasagne or large saucepan of bolognese or 2 large fish pie, one to eat and one to freeze and we took dgs1 to play area or NT property and pushed baby in pram. I am amazed how much I love them both and will drop my own plans to go to their aid. Dgs 1 is now at pre-school and I am so glad I made the effort to go down when he was little as he loves me coming and my dd says he looks out window for a n hour when he knows I am coming to see him. I find myself crawling around on the floor pushing his trains around the track which I don't really remember doing for my own ds's. Grandchildren are just magical as you seem to have more time to enjoy them then when your own children were small. I thought having gc would make me feel old but the opposite is true I feel so much younger.

Thanks again for all thoughts. I must confess that I find all the advice never to say anything about parenting a bit odd, because we do know more about it than they do at present and there must surely be a middle way between interfering and mentioning your own experiences in a non-directive way when it's relevant!

It was prenatal depression I had, by the way - less known but just as difficult.

Coconut, we're going to visit the parents-to-be in a few weeks so I will try to find time to ask my daughter the questions you recommend.

When I was well over 50, someone asked me if I had any grandchildren. I was horrified. I felt far too young.
I'm 65 now and I have three they live in a different country but we see them often and I help out for weeks at a time during summer holidays etc
I love being a granny

Maboni, telling someone who is anxious, to get over it you’ll love it, is not really helpful. Sounds like a threat or a promise!

I was 47 when my daughter announced her pregnancy, my first reaction was... what... I'm too young! 4 Grandchildren later I still worry if I'm doing it right when looking after them. The grandchildren seem to think I'm ok though.... I often let loose the odd swear word (they tell me off and laugh) and dance and act like a child.... even better. Yes worry is normal... I think it's a good sign of caring, and of course there's no way we could care too much!

To me your reaction is somewhat odd. You will love it to bits so get over it.