is it me?

Oh dear, what a sad email. You do sound as if you are in a spiral of depression. You may need professional help.

I have many similarities in my life to the life you describe. I had a dreadfully deprived and unhappy childhood.

I live at the other end of the country to my siblings and am not close to them. Parents died, husband left many years ago. Only son has chosen partner who doesn’t want me in their lives. I live alone. I am 70 and don’t work.
However ....... as Nelson Mandela said when interviewed about how he survived for so many years in prison. ‘Two men look through prison bars, one sees mud, the other sees stars.’ I will never forget that quote.
I love my life, and never feel lonely. My life is full of people .... friends and acquaintances ..... in order to have a friend you have to be a friend. I focus on others rather than myself. The more I give, the happier I get.
We have a choice ...... there is a mental switch we can flick. Turn on the positive or the negative. That said, if you are truly suffering from depression you may need to talk to your doctor and get help. But we all have to help ourselves and choose the way we decide to look at life. So, get up,out of that bed and embrace your life. X

You've a lot of sadness to contend with now seastar. I'm sorry for the loss of your husband and your father.

In relation to your father's funeral, do you want to attend? Will your son and daughter be going? They may well be able to help with transport (you refer to an hour's distance in another thread) and to support you in the event you do go together. You wouldn't be unreasonable to attend the service and then leave without interacting with other family members if that would be easiest for you.

Whilst it's entirely understandable that you're still grieving your husband, it sounds to me as though you really are in the grips of depression. Go back to your GP and tell them that the medication they've surprised isn't helping. If there's an alternative that will help to lift you out of this dark place, even partially, you'll be able to cope better. Personally, I wouldn't tackle the issues of your unkind family members at this stage - you need to get back to a place where you can function day to day.

Lastly, I know what you mean about it seeming that everyone else is preparing for a joyous Christmas. All I can say is that appearances can be deceptive - an awful lot of folk experience money worries, emotional concerns and family clashes behind the tinsel and glitter.

Hello again Seastar I remember you wrote back in October and was very unhappy with your life You seemed to get a lot of comfort from talking to us and was given some very good advice and support unfortunately things sound as if they have got worse

One thing puzzles me you say my husband died suddenly with no warning but I have one son and again son is away at university but in your previous thread entitled ‘Sisters Sending Nasty Letters’ you said you had no one in the world but a wonderful daughter who was very good to you ? luckily I have a daughter in a million and At least I ve got a great daughter who I m so proud of and love so dearly This is very puzzling

I sincerely hope you can get some professional help