Upset and angry for daughters

Well - it is lovely to hear good news.

Excellent news!

Very good news !

Thank you everyone, my daughter contacted CAB, Adult Social Services, County Council, MP in fact just about everyone she possibly could. She's received emails, phone calls, people saying unfortunately they couldn't help but to try........ This afternoon it paid off, she finally spoke to someone from Continuing Health Care who has been able to tell her that her gran is OK, which home she has been moved to and contact details for the Matron of the home. Both daughters are ecstatic and I am taking them to visit her this weekend. The home is still the same distance away from them but they're happy that they now know where she is. Thank you again for all your help xx

Such a sad story, but good that there are still young people with their heart in the right place.
Good for you for supporting them, Granjan.

Thank you all for your replies, I have passed all the information on to my daughters who are very grateful, the youngest especially will break down all doors until she gets the outcome she wants.
BlueBelle, it is my former mil, I divorced her son over 30 years ago, however I always had a good relationship with her. I visited her as often as I could before she went into the home, I even went up to sort out her outfit for my daughters wedding, sadly she missed it as she went into hospital and was too ill. How awful for that to happen to your friend, that was so cruel
Jalimal108.. she was indeed a young woman and in the land army during the war and afterwards held a very responsible job until her retirement.

If all else fails, contact their MP and Radio Four’s You and Yours. A letter from an MP or a call from the BBC works wonders!

As a SW I was once in the sorry situation of having to move a whole home full of very elderly residents when SS closed them down for financial irregularities. It was a total nightmare in the context of a shortage of residential home places in the county - we were frantically trying to locate relatives, and putting these poor souls' life's belongings into black bin liners and taking them to places they knew nothing about - and about which we knew very little. It was so distressing - but what could we do? They had to be somewhere warm, with food and care.

The paperwork mountain in this action was unbelievable - we had to make sure that someone somehow was going to pay the fees - and needed to transfer all the arrangements already in place before homes would accept them. The deadline was that evening, so we were skating around like mad things. I have never forgotten that day.

I too suspect that ex OH has ducked out because of top-up fees. But it is wrong that family cannot gain access to this poor lady. Seeing family might help her to feel more secure in this muddled situation. I would suggest getting through to the team leader in SS, and if this fails go to the top.

In this situation I would be trying to move heaven and earth to make sure that these girls could visit their grandmother.

This is so sad, the Gran obviously was able to use a mobile phone, until it went missing, so she must be of sound mind.
She must be feeling devastated at being moved and then, as far as she's aware, abandoned by all her family.
I can offer no more help than what has been given but I wish you luck in finding your Mil.

I couldn't get this story out of my mind (despite all the other things I find to worry about!).

This sums it all up: gran has been spirited away. I find it very disturbing that an old lady can just disappear in a civilised country like this and her granddaughters are unable to find out where she is.

This lady is in her 90s, was a young woman during WW2; I don't know what she was doing then but she was probably a strong young woman who may have been in the Forces or have been working in an essential job; she has brought up a family and now, in her 90s, is at the mercy of others.

Sorry, I don't mean to make you more upset GranJan but I find it quite distressing. I hope you can find her soon and that you can all ensure that she is settled and happy and that your DD will be able to stay in contact and visit her.

Bluebelle That story left me speechless. How can people be so cruel. It is the case also of the original post. I cannot believe that when a home closes and the old people are moved on that someone should move heaven and earth to find the nearest and dearest and let them know where they are. Animals are treated better.

Both my parents were in care until my dad died in the summer. My mum is still there but knows she knows me but doesn't associate me with her daughter. I cannot imagine how she would feel though if she was moved from one place to another.

Crazy I find that the more you do the more they expect and are shocked when you say no.

Heaven help me when my time comes.....I doubt I will get a single visit. I don't want to sound too negative. Most of my children and grandchildren are happy to see me because I do a lot for them and enjoy doing it. But last night my younger AC asked me to drop him off at his works party, which was being held in a city hotel, to which I have never driven. Bearing in mind, I don't like driving, and particularly at night, it was pouring down, so I declined to drive him. I don't think he was very happy. Havent heard from him or my d.i.l. today. Guess they're pouting.

i too think drangfly is right and he walked because he didn’t want to pay anything what a xxxxxxx Is this your mum in law and did you have a good relationship with her?

My friend lived with a partner about 20 years he never divorced I know not why He became ill with dementia she looked after him so well for some years then forward on and she became ill with cancer she had to put him in a home while she was in hospital having treatment Unknown to her his ex wife who was still his wife and next of kin removed him from that home and insisted the new home was not to tell anyone where he was My friend never saw him again he died a few months on How bloody cruel is that

Granjan sorry if my post of last night wasn't very helpful. I was so shocked the council, home and SS were so dismissive of you granddaughters concerns for their poor grandmother. Someone so old and frail would be feeling so confused at being moved, not to mention wondering where her family is. Do your granddaughters know who her doctor is who should be informed and may know. I would contact her local councillor to get on the case and as a previous poster said contact the police also, as well as the CQC. It's a lot for your granddaughters to deal with. I do hope they find out soon where there gran has been spirited away to. Please let us know.

I think Dragonfly is right about top up fees.

I do think that if it is possible to go in person, you might be able to find out more Take some documentation. Birth certificates and id and be persistent and anxious rather than angry.
That's if ringing again gets you nowhere.

I suspect your ex walked away to save himself having to pay top up fees. It is very sad they have moved Gran without telling your daughters but I suppose this is because they are not named as next of kin. However, I would have assumed the home had their contact numbers and should have informed them.
I would start ringing all the homes in the area. She won’t have moved very far.

Thank you BlueBelle, when you are upset and angry you don't always think out properly what you are writing and sometimes miss relevant information. I will be speaking to my daughters later and will be passing all information on. I just hope they find out where she is before the inevitable happens, you never know what effect such an upheaval can have.

Thanks Granjane obviously the information now given has changed because the way you wrote it in your original post sounded as if girls rang, the phone was not in use then two months later they decided to visit ..... of course if you had said in the original post that there had been normal contact since then the story would have read differently and I wouldn’t have been so puzzled by your surprise
I was in no way doubting the girls love for their gran just very surprised at seeming lack of contact
Now you have filled in the blanks it sounds as if their father has for some reason completely walked away from his mother and handed everything over to SS who can’t obviously give information out to anybody not named as next of kin I think you are right to suspect there is more to this than meets the eye
I would definitely talk to your local council make an appointment with CAB or get a half hour free with a solicitor You need to know where Nan is ASAP
Poor old lady
Good luck what a horrible situation

Thank you for your replies, I will pass on the information to my daughters.
For your information BlueBelle my daughter rang the home after the phone was cut off and was told it had been misplaced and that her gran was fine. She has rung since last visit and spoken to check Gran is OK but not been given information on date residents being moved. Both girls love their gran and didn't want her moving to a home so far away in the first place (neither girls drive), she used to live in town where they live and were able to visit regularly but unfortunately the decision was made by my ex. The girls have always had to be the ones to make contact with him, he never thought of phoning them and their relationship with him has been 'fragile' for a number of years. The 'handing over responsibility' my daughters feel there is more to it, but up to now haven't found out why..... he won't discuss it.

Are you joking ? Is this a joke
This sounds unreal not from the point of view that the home has closed and all residents moved ( that happens unfortunately) but that no one in the family has been interested enough to keep contact with the poor old lady
Granddaughter visited two months ago and seemingly no one had bother since you say phone contact was cut off then
why didn’t your daughter ring the home the next day and say Nans phone seems to have cut off is she ok ?

The old lady’s son had handed all responsibilities over and stopped visiting so it sounds as if there has been no interest in the poor old soul for months now two months later you re wondering where she is ???
Are you for real

Hello Granjan - I know this seems very unlikely, but sadly it does happen. I think your best course of action is to get one of your daughters to call the CQC (details below), and explain the situation giving as much detail as possible, including their dad's contact details so that he can confirm that they are next of kin.

If a care home provider suddenly goes out of business, councils have to ensure that the care of residents continues without any gap in the services. They have a temporary duty to meet the needs of all residents, whether the resident or the council are paying the fees. So if your daughters contact the local council it's possible they may be able to get further information from them.

Good luck - please let us know the outcome.

www.cqc.org.uk/contact-us

I would advise that your daughters get their birth certificates along with copies of their father's certificate. This can be obtained via the link below, they may need these as proof further down the line.

www.gov.uk/order-copy-birth-death-marriage-certificate

Tomorrow I would call the non urgent police line and ask their advice, Monday morning I would call both Age and Citizens advice and the local council where the carehome was local to.

Poor woman, totally abandoned and moving at that age would be frightening. Keep us posted, what an upsetting thing for everyone involved.

Why did your ex-DH abandon his elderly mother like that? How sad that he in effect just handed her over to Social Services.
Your DD need to take this up with their father and ensure that he contacts Social Services again and demand some information.
For all they know the poor old lady could have died, wondering why no-one came to visit her.

That is outrageous, discourteous and disrespectful to the family and the gran. I would be banging on doors to find out where this poor lady has been moved to. Totally unacceptable.