Limerence ..... the shame and embarrassment of it

When people write to agony aunts in magazines, isn't that the same thing? Isn't this just another way of sharing and getting advice?

It's always anonymous though isn't it? Real names are never used.

That’s naive Gonegirl do you realise that some posts appear in the Daily Mail Would you really want that if you were embarrassed about something
Of course talking openly about difficult subjects is good but not on a public forum where you have no idea who is reading
And from the opposite side we have been conned before we have had people trying to (seemingly innocently) prise information and sensitive stories from us

I think the OP just wanted to hear other people's experiences as reassurance that she was not the only one. Talking openly about these things can help. I doubt if there would be anything very lascivious or shocking about it?

Those of us who have been on Gransnet for many years have learned that an invitation to spill your guts is a signal to head for the hills. It doesn't matter how it's worded, it's a red flag and we can spot it a mile off.

I don’t think she has left there still seems the ability to pm her it usually says account deleted if the poster has left

Exactly, I m afraid if you have or have had a problem you are acutely embarrassed or sensitive about you don’t put it out there for all and sundry to see, you just don’t, the two things don’t go together if you are very embarrassed you keep it to yourself or you tell it to your best friend in confidence, or you even go to a counsellor again in strict confidence you just do not risk it going public to hundreds of strangers or worse still ending up in the Dáily Mail or on FB
If the poster was genuine she was very naive if she wasn’t genuine she was wanting to draw stories out from other people for what reason we ll never know
If she’s genuine I for one am sorry she’s disappeared but it was a really bad judgement to be so public about something that could hurt her

But the OP didn't tell her story did she ? She asked others to do so
Quite, aggie

But the OP didn't tell her story did she ? She asked others to do so , this is too public to tell embarrassing stuff surely

Who would risk it Gonegirl when we know that this is a very public forum and anything we say could end up on Faceache or worse, the DM. Once bitten, twice shy.

Surely someone's brave enough to tell us of their own experience? (braver than me)

nightowl, if there was a 'like' button, I would be pressing it.

GrannyH50 if you do come back to this, let me reassure you. You are perfectly normal. But I doubt very much that you are boring. I could relate my own experience, but the embarrassment you mention is just too much! and (looking back, I can laugh)

The OP was genuinely upset. She has disappeared because of the responses she got. I know because I had some communication with her before she decided to leave Gransnet.

Is it better to mistrust everyone who doesn’t post in a certain way, and risk hurting someone’s feelings when they are at a very low ebb; or trust people’s posts and risk being hoodwinked once or twice?

The word "limerence" has been bothering me, I was sure I had seen/hear a word very like it before. This morning it came to me so I looked up the meaning:-
" limmer. [lim-er] noun Scot. and North England. a woman of loose morals; hussy."

and "Definition of limmer. 1 chiefly Scotland : scoundrel. 2 chiefly Scotland : prostitute."

Whoever coined the word limerance for a powerful crush either was ignorant of the similar word or had a very low opinion of women who were affected by it!

I think I read somewhere further back, the OP wasn't receiving PMs, I could be mistaken.
After all the dodgy threads of the last few weeks (I reported two, posted late at night, hoping to slip through the net, which were deleted), I'm suspicious when a poster posts and then blocks advice.
There must be something wrong when so many regular posters are suspicious.
There are none so blind as those who will not see

Faye read Monica’s post just above and perhaps you will understand more
Why use an unheard (by most) fancy word unless it’s to get attention and an oh ahh response which doesn’t actually connect with someone who is terribly upset and embarrassed by something serious
If genuinely embarrassed why post on a public forum where posts can end up in the Daily Newspapers Twitter or Facebook ?
Asking for others stories on a given ‘ohhhh’ subject is often used by those writing books, essays or is some other way looking for a cheap way to collect ‘real life’ stories etc etc
Perhaps this will help explain why there was a good deal of skepticism from some regular posters

grannyh50if no harm was done don't keep kicking yourself
janeainsworthi've been crushing on him since 1974!!!!
also jason momoa before he was famous
in love with an older woman ,too>>>

www.youtube.com/watch?v=QS3QBbx2Uac

Limerance actually means obsession, not some silly crush. Someone I know had an obsession on a man she knew since she was a teen, the obsession went on for ten years, nearly half her adult life. She didn’t stalk him and was in a long term happy relationship. Her obsession stopped one day when she accidentally ran in to this man when she was out with friends, she said it felt like a weight had gone and she said she felt free, finally.

I was quite surprised at the mocking replies from some of those who I thought had more sympathy for others.

Fennel I was concerned about that, too. Everything posted on here (and anywhere else on the internet) can be seen by anyone with a browser (which means the whole population except those who have no internet connection)

People get very worried about Facebook, and about their privacy being broken into by hackers, but those same people can be quite happy to publicly post personal stories on all kinds of subjects and family details. They should ask themselves, "Would I print this story out and pin it to the noticeboard beside the coffee machine at work, even with the names blacked out?"

That last phrase of the OP's- if any others have stories to tell, rings alarm bells.
Why not just ask for advice, sympathy?
After all this I wouldn't ask for advice about a family or personal emotinal problem on an open, very popular forum, like Gransnet.
It's a shame, because many of us have relevant experience and are usually sympathetic.

exactly

Or spent time and energy giving very helpful replies.

But, don't you feel a fool if you have invested time and energy and revealed things, only to find out its Gurning Gran who is fact Spotty Stephen?

Bear in mind that when people start threads where it is clearly a case of someone in genuine difficulty and distress, our responses are usually caring and thoughtful. Even when we feel the OP has contributed to the problem she seeks a solution to.

However, we need to be cautious and if we fear a wind-up, because there have been several, we should say so. The OP can always come back with further information that makes it clear that the post is genuine.

Short of travelling down the line and appearing on the posters door step to check them out, all we can do is be cautious and , yes, sometimes we will get it wrong and are sad and sorry about that. But I do not think that is the case on this thread.

Gonegirl, I was not condoning 'rough' just saying that its naïve not to expect it. Its very easy to hide behind modern technology and we have to accept that sometimes things are not what they seem. Most folks on here do accept things at face value and in timeless cases highly sensitive matters have been dealt with honestly and supportively. However, we do see less than genuine scenarios unravel and a little defensive strategy can be needed. As I say, 'rough' is not ideal but it happens.