Still struggling 5 months after breakup

She was probably experiencing freedom for the first time in a long while; she may well have had very strong feelings for you but it was early days after the breakup from her husband.

I do think that she is right - you are 38 and may want to meet someone your own age or a bit younger and have a family. If you had stayed with her perhaps she thought you may have felt you had missed out on the opportunity, so it may seem hard now but may well be for the best.

In my opinion it would be better to make a clean break and in the New Year make some resolutions to be kind to yourself, but don't wallow in what might-have-been. You're still young, able to get out and about and have a good social life and hopefully get over this woman and meet The One who is just right for you.

It's painful still, but one day you'll look back on this and be happy that what happened did happen.

Best wishes.

It’s all been said, this lady was still not fully detatched from her husband, she was just experiencing being free, and as new to it as you seem to be. I imagine she was genuinely fond of you but not confident enough to take a chance with your age difference and lack of experience with a family. Now it seems she is enjoying her freedom.. Knowing that she was cheating behind your back, even if it was only on line, should help you to realize that this was never going to last. Perhaps you were the shoulder to cry on, but now she’s moved on. Don’t be sad, it is all life experience that will round out your character, even though it is hard at the moment.
When you’re ready, have you tried to get out more, join clubs and activities where you will meet more people and get to know them a bit as friends, before seeing them as a date, and/or asking your friends if they know anyone you might get on with?
It is sad that there are lots of men and women in their thirties who would like to meet someone special and settle down, but there is no foolproof way to go about it. At least you have time on your side.

I've had the same thing. Looking back I just think what an idiot he was. Forget her.

It’s how it is, I ve been told all those things maybe they mean them at the time but she wasn’t really genuine was she? It throws you for 6 but you have to leave it behind put it in the past and move on dont let it colour your next relationship but also don’t put everything in at the beginning don’t wear your heart on your sleeve let it grow and don’t rush in to replace her, heal yourself gently

Thank you all for the compassionate replies, it does really help.

The lovebombing has made it very hard to get over, I've never been showered with so much love, attention and affection before. I know it's a red flag but I had no experience of it and I truly felt like her 'one' I suppose. Even in the weeks before ending it she was telling me that she had never felt cared for in the way I cared for her, that I was her rock, how she loved how genuine I was, that she had never got on so well and laughed with someone like she did with me, that I was the best cuddler she had ever experienced amongst other things. Despite knowing she was texting others whenever I called her out on it she would tell me I was being insecure, she was just a needy person and that I was overthinking things.

It left me bewildered I guess and I think part of my healing is coming on sites like this to try and make sense of it all.

Breaking up with someone you have loved is heartbreaking, most of us have been through it.
Listen to the words of a lot of songs on the radio, a lot are about lost loves, it's universal.
You seem to be thinking that something is wrong with you, when in reality, she just realised that you were not what she wanted.
There's nothing wrong with you at all, try to stop thinking bout this person, who has now moved on, stop thinking of reasons why.
It just is!
There will be someone out there for you, someone who will share your life, you just hadn't found her yet but you will.
Good luck!

You should not mourn the loss of this girlfriend she is only interested in the excitement of a new relationship , she probably stays with her husband, who quite likely has his own dalliances, for security while she plays around and doesn't really intend to leave. In a way she is playing men at their own game, only interested in a casual relationship, getting what she can from them until she's bored or they realise what she's doing.

There are plenty of nice girls who are looking for a good man, find one of them to occupy your mind, you will soon forget her

Maybe take a holiday if you can - get yourself right out of this rut you are in. Stay out of contact with her. Getting over someone is hard - I guess most of us have been there - but you can do it. When someone picks another over us we feel very hurt, but you must not let it attack your self-esteem - just because she has decided to go for someone else does not mean there is anything wrong with you and there will be someone out there for you.

We ve all been there, well most of us I m sure. You have to put her out your head every time she crashes into your thoughts you divert them to think of something else
You need to find something enjoyable to do, exercise is a wonderful healer I remember once just going into the big old sea for a swim and crying my eyes out, you can holler cry, scream and it’s very cathartic Woods are great too trees soak up all your feelings even the shower wash all that negativity down the drain
You have two choices you can let her make you unhappy and stuck or you can do something about it As someone who has lived longer than you all I can say is life blooming short it passes in the blink of an eye it’s your choice
No one can keep you stuck except you

Five months isn’t a long time to get over someone, so don’t worry that you’re still bruised. You will feel better about it, and some day you will realise that you haven’t thought about it for a time. You have a life ahead of you. You seem like a nice, caring young man, and there may be someone out there who will love you and whom you can be happy with. Be kind to yourself, exercise and eat well, seek out the company of friends and family who can make you feel loved.

She clearly isn’t interested in a relationship with you and you have to break off all contact with her. Break ups are tough but we’ve all been through them and you will get over it. Find a new hobby, join a class or a group, delete her number from your phone and move on. It’s all you can do. Don’t let this experience blight the rest of your life. Start internet dating in the New Year. Best wishes

People cannot control who they fall for and when feelings change. It doesn't mean there was something wrong with you. You can't make someone love you and there is no point in being with someone you love if they don't feel the same.
You need to stop questioning and accept things and stop contact. You will get over it and much quicker than you think. Find something interesting to do and stop thinking so much.

I'm sorry you are stuck in limbo.

You may find that in time you stop waiting to find out things that aren't relevant to your life any more.
Break ups are never cut and dried .
You weren't with her long and you were not really a priority to her.
She was or still is playing the field and in that process you got hurt.
It will pass..

Its a shame, but does it really matter why she chose the other man?
Maybe his money, maybe she does fancy him more, or many more reasons are possible.
It seems she has moved on from your relationship, and there isn't anything you can do about it, as hurtful as that is.