The ex wife

This is a difficult situation for your holidaynana I think I would probably back off from that group and find some new friends - I hope you find some in 2019.

What does DH say / feel about it? Would it be appropriate, with tongue in cheek, to ask her current OH if they ever do anything together as all the talk seems to be of life with the ex?!

Moonbather I feel the same about the abbreviations too.
Have to keep looking up what they mean. Eventually I give up reading the posts.

To be in an environment where someone is constantly irritating you is to invite stress into your life where none need exist. Therefore, my advice is to be judicious regarding how much time you spend in your DH's ex-wife. There's a limit to the amount of reminiscing one can stand. Personally, I become inwardly irritated when one of my stepdaughters who has always been jealous of me and my biological children, brings up the relationship (which died 30 years ago) between her parents, as I know it's only being done to try to annoy me. I either ignore such comments or say something like 'oh you must have been a very small child' , 'that must have been a very long time ago'. My other SD who I spend much more time with and who has never seemed to suffer with the same jealousy doesn't seem to feel the need to refer to events before I met her father, at least not in my company. On the flip side, my first husband died suddenly a good few years ago and his second wife banned me from his funeral. My mother in law took her to task, pointing out that she had been with him for 11 years only, and that he'd had a long and happy marriage with me for 28 years before that, and that our children needed my support on the occasion of his funeral, and not hers. The second wife backed down and allowed me to attend. Interestingly, all his friends were also mine, and had heard that I had initially been told I couldn't attend. They thought it was ridiculous. So I see the problem from the position of first wife, and second wife. Basically, everyone needs to be sensitive to the other wife's needs, but if I had one in my face continually I would remove myself from the arena or be upfront and ask why she felt the need to continually speak of her time with my husband, and whether she was unhappy in her current situation, and was making a bid to gain my husband back. This might show her how silly her behaviour looks.

Here here. I am not even sure I know what they all stand for , therefore loath to comment in case I have got the wrong end of the stick.

Oh dear - my DH would blow a fuse if I rattled on about life with my ex! I do sometimes participate in nostalgia/reminiscing with my two sons from my first marriage, but DH would not be at all pleased. As neither of us have much that’s good or complimentary about our previous spouses this problem doesn’t arise.
Agree with others that being civil is probably the best way forward.

You don't say why that marriage ended but you could try a 'Your loss my gain' will shut her up.?

Sarahellenwhitney, she can hardly say that in front of the ex's new husband unless she wants to risk insulting him too lol

I agree, I’d get fed up with it too.
But also I’d want to avoid being in the same friendship groups. If that can’t happen then I’m afraid I would start being pointed about my feelings when she is doing this and say out for all to hear...it disturbs you when she keeps harking back to His and Her past and yod like her to move on. I think it might be an awkward moment but she’d so get the message.

Perhaps she thinks you would find it interesting?? Or she feels she has got to say something and just babbles on? Apart from that, when she draws breath, ask her where she is going on holiday, blah, blah blah to change the topic. If she goes back then I would just smile move on. Better if you can put on a brave face for these family interactions.

Not being an ex wife I feel that I have no experiences to relate, but I am keeping all options open.

Me too I cant make lots of them out what does the d stand for say before h which I obviously understand it is husband?

I think you're doing exactly the right thing holidaynana. Never mention anything to her - I'm sure you're right about her OH minding too so he might bring it up. If she's in your friendship group there's not much you can do about it. I'm not sure about Esspee's solution either, if anyone has noticed they might talk about the ex just to get the washing up done!

My ex and I were divorced 40 years ago, I havent seen him for years. But he still puts photos of me, our wedding etc. on Facebook, so I'm told - I don't do facebook. Despite the fact that he has been remarried and divorced since. It annoys me so much! I agree that you should try to be at least civil for the sake of children, but there's no way I would want to socialise - exes are exes for a reason!

Does seem insensitive of her to do this in front of her current husband as well as you. She must still feel insecure as a result of him choosing you. Just smile and tell your own lovely stories of your experiences with your husband. She is not a threat to your marriage.

Thank you. I feel better for reading that others have the same issue. It the scheme of things it’s not the end of the world but annoying nonetheless.

To those that say change our friendship group - that would be difficult as some are people he’s known all his life and the group have mostly been very welcoming. I will just keep smiling!!

I have had exactly the same issues with my dh ex wife,luckily we don't cross paths too often since she has now emigrated to be nearer to her DDs.At present my dh is spending several weeks to spend Christmas and New Year with his DDs living in the same house as his ex wife! I don't know whether he will survive all her snidely comments.Im having a quiet New Year's Eve with my own DDs

It's all about associations, I think. As soon as she sees you it triggers these old feelings. She can't help it probably poor old thing if you don't put a stop to it she'll get worse InMyOpinion.
Is there something you could talk about to break the spell?
Perhaps tell her you are doing her family tree? Or thinking of taking up sone exciting new hobby and would she like to join you?
This is tongue in cheek but I imagine a break in the dynamics has to happen to affect change

Make some new friends! Bit abrupt I admit but seriously, you do need to widen your scope and 'dilute' this influence. I am of the firm belief that if anyone in my circle takes more than they give then I will gently wean myself off them.

Poppie, what a tolerant, understanding, trusting family you are. Your husband and his ex-wife are staying under one roof and you don't bat an eyelid....you are a happy person, unlike me, bitter and twisted ?

Why the Dickens do you want to be in the same club if this lady upsets you. If you must, then ignore her.

When my partner's daughter got married, a few of the guests were chatting in the bar the previous evening, and his ex wife produced photos of their wedding and passed them around the group! I thought it was hilarious!

I think if I was in your situation, next time she starts doing it, when in company just sya 'Oh good heavens surely you have more to talk about than events that happened over 30 years ago'. It sounds rude and will be, but good heavens, has nothing happened in her life since then that is worth talking about. Someone harping on like this needs to be brought up short.

'She only does it to annoy because she knows it teases'

Its not only you moonbather. It took me some time to decipher what the abbreviations mean. I think that it is because most of the people on the site appear to have a close relationship with each other so they all know what the abbreviations mean. I am getting the sense that it is like a very close family unit. I usually just pop on here to have a quick browse and go on to do something else.

Moonbather: I find the abbreviations infuriating too! I don't bother reading a post to the end if there are too many. It is harder to work out what they mean than it is to just read the actual word! Can anyone tell me: what is the point of them?