Is anyone living with a sibling in later life?

My mil took in her brother as he was unable to live alone and look after himself. She took care of him for much of his adult life and they got on very well. He had his own room where he could 'escape' and they enjoyed many holidays together.

I don't say it was all plain sailing as in later life they both had health issues and he had to move to a nursing home following a devasting stroke.

He was a very happy man and was included in all holidays, days out, parties etc. and I'm in no doubt he lived a good life, just as much she enjoyed having him around.

It sounds a good idea but perhaps it won't be what your brother wants. Maybe you could broach it by asking him if he would live with 'someone else' when the inevitable happens. You should get an idea then without it being personal in any way. He might be looking forward to pleasing himself/living by himself for a while. He might even think he might meet someone else. It could also be a bit premature as your DM might live for a good few years yet and circumstances might have changed by then. No harm in planning for change though.

I have a married friend in her mid-sixties, children have left home, and her brother and sister both of whom never married, live with her and her husband. It works well, everyone contributes in some way and financially, contributions are on a sliding scale according to means.

I think it's a good idea, Maggie. You and your brother sound like lovely people.

I had two spinster great-aunts who lived together all of their lives. My grandmother lived nearby alone after her husband died. When one of the spinster aunts passed away the other one moved in with grandma. It seemed to work brilliantly. They were excellent companions to each other and very lively and chatty, all living to a ripe old age, in the case of grandma until she was 96.

My friend’s sister has moved in with my friend. They are both in their 60s. My friend is married though no children and the sister is without a partner and no children. They build an extension to my friend’s house paid for by the sister. They now have their own separate accommodation under one roof. It’s a great arrangement and they are both very happy.

Interesting post for me . Our 96 year old mother died peacefully 2 weeks ago at home . My brother lived with her for the last 20 years ( he has no place of his own ) We now have to decide what to do . The large house has to be sold as it has been left to the three of us plus the grandchildren and our brother wants to move . My sister has offered him a home with her family ,but not sure it's a good idea as he is quite eccentric ! I think it might end badly. I have suggested he buy's somewhere near them. I know it wouldn't work for us !

I think that sounds a lovely idea, and you obviously get on, so why not?
I was beyond ecstatic, rose-tinted specs and all that, when my DSIS announced that she and her husband were moving to our town, and, in fact about 10 minutes walk away. Having not lived near family for several years I thought it sounded lovely, and we had always got on well....
It did not go well, and two years later they moved away. DD said she could have told me it would not work as DSIS and I are apparently so different.
We get on better at a distance.
I would never move in with any family or have them with me.

I have four sisters but no brothers. If i was living alone i would be happy to live with any of my sisters as we all get along so well. My second eldest sister lives alone and comes to stay with all of us in turn and we all meet up regularly despite living apart.

I had 2 very dear aunties who were sisters. They had both married, neither had their own children, and both our lived their husbands by 20 plus years. For the last 13 years of their lives they sold one house releasing money for them both to enjoy and put other house in joint names. They travelled a lot and were very generous to me and my sisters. They were very close and when one died the other died less than 6 weeks later. They had their own rooms and a spare room they turned into second sitting room.

I had a similar thought with a brother when we both became single. We’d always been close when young, then he went all weird and didn’t speak to me for years. Then we were talking again. But have come to realise the passing years, all sorts of family shenanigans, have changed us both too much. He came to stay for a weekend. That was enough. I know it wouldn’t work, which is sad. My rose-tinted specs envisaged something very different.
But that’s not to say it won’t work for you. Keep all options open financially and once you’ve decided it’s a good idea, give it a go!

she doesn’t imply that she would have to look after him

Well one of them will likely end up caring.

My two aunts, my mums sisters lived together in their married sisters house after one of them had a slight stroke and my cousin moved the two sisters to a Methodist care home close to where my cousin lived.

One aunt was about 94 and the other 96. My mother the youngest died at 81,

Hollydoily the poster says she and her brother are close and enjoy each other’s company, she doesn’t imply that she would have to look after him. And not all of us were pleased to have our children off our hands: we enjoyed raising them. I’m surprised at some of the negative comments on here, especially after reading some posters’ comments about their husbands. Maggie, I think you will both be very happy.

Why would you want to start looking after someone now your daughter is offhand and you can start having a lif of your own.
He is not your responsiblity

I personally know four sets of brothers and sisters who have lived together for many years and they all seem to have got on well. The women in the relationships seem to all fulfill the more old fashioned "women's role" but they seem fine with that. When your Mom does eventually go could you perhaps try it for a trial period to see how it goes and if it doesn't work out help him to get accommodation near you which would be a good compromise.

I think you need to compile a list of 'what ifs', and make sure every eventuality is covered, as best you can.

I live with my older brother with Learning Disabilities, it works quite well and is mutually beneficial. We say we look after each other. I am a widow and brother lived with Mum until she passed 10 years ago

Sounds like an excellent idea. I would think about setting ground rules early on - who does what/pays for what/boundaries etc. This could solve a lot of potential problems later on. Plus of course what would happen when one of you dies. There are of course minus points, but I am sure you have considered them, nothing is perfect .

If I ever suggest living with my sister, shoot me. We have been NC for about 4 years but recently, due to the ill health of my DM, we have had to communicate on a couple of occasions. In each case she has caused widespread drama and complicated things so much. I have quietly bowed out of contact again because she is so toxic. Life is just so much easier.

Always consider the "what ifs" in advance. For instance, what if one of you meets someone and wants to bring them home / set up home with them? It's a big risk to assume neither of you will fall for someone just because of age etc.

My neighbours were 2 sisters. It worked well when they were both spritely, they had the best social lives of anyone on the street! Always going on trips etc..

But it went down hill when one of them became less mobile and began to have memory issues. They fell out then. In fairness to the other one I think she felt herself getting frailer and couldnt face the role of carer... and as the less well sister didnt live alone hospitals and SS didnt see any urgency in putting anything in place to help until the well(ish) sister moved out.

Its sad that they had to fall out in order to get some outside support. They seemed like great friends. They maybe should have been close neighbours rather than co-living?

I could never live with my sister's. One is totally dishonest and her main interest is moaning about everyone; the 2nd is a walking pigsty reminds me of Steptoe and the third has never done a days work in her life and lives off her PIP And no she's not disabled but fools the powers that be and is proud of it.

A lady I know lived as an unmarried trio with her two sisters for many years. She got on well with them, but has had to cope with first one, then the other suffering ill-health and dementia, before they finally died. She now lives alone in a big house, but is enjoying the freedom.
Another neighbour moved in with her sister while some work was done on her house. Both widows, they enjoyed the arrangement so much that they stayed together, spending the proceeds on having fun, when the other house was sold.
I think that I would try a 'trial run' with your brother, before making a definite commitment, and ensure that you both have somewhere to be alone if the mood takes you, too. It sounds like a good plan, but things don't always work out as you expect. Good luck!

How lovely that siblings can live together harmoniously. I envy families who have such good relationships.

I have lived happily with my sister for several years. However we each have our own area in the house and just share a kitchen. It works well for us!