Gransnet forums

Husband says his cousin hates me.

(26 Posts)
PINKY57 Fri 04-Jan-19 22:37:58

My husband's cousin came on holiday with us again In August, he had been with us 3 months previously when he would phone my husband every morning to come and have a smoke with him, and my husband would go even though he does not smoke. I was very upset about this and told my DH but again he invited him to come with us 2 months later- only told me he was coming on the flight.I did not get out of the car when we went to pick him up and appratenly now my husband keeps telling me that I said something to his cousin while we were there so he does not want to speak to me and now rarely phones my husband.Should I ask his cousin what I am suppose th have done as previously we had a good relationship.

Grammaretto Fri 04-Jan-19 23:07:05

What a shame. Do you get to take a cousin on holiday too? If DH has his pal -despite the smoking, it's surely only fair for you to take a friend too.
I would ask them both what the problem is . Were you very grumpy?

Apricity Sat 05-Jan-19 04:38:40

As your husband and his cousin enjoy each other's company so much maybe they can go on holidays together and you can go somewhere else with a friend or relative whose company you really enjoy? Everyone would be happy then. Life is too short for all the silly game playing.

Daddima Sat 05-Jan-19 07:42:54

Isn’t there a big difference between hating someone and being upset by something someone said, especially if you’d previously had a good relationship?

I presume your husband knows what you’re supposed to have said, why not ask him?

Lollin Sat 05-Jan-19 08:31:33

Ask your DH to elaborate!

Niobe Sat 05-Jan-19 09:20:40

Tell your idiot husband that two's company , three's a crowd and then leave them to their holidays together while you go with a friend. When you get back talk often about how much you enjoyed it!

oldbatty Sat 05-Jan-19 09:22:35

Can I politely check if this is genuine.

Elegran Sat 05-Jan-19 09:26:18

Well, what do you think, PINKY57 ? You know your husband and you know the cousin, better than anyone on here does.

Before the cousin phoned each morning you could suggest some other thing to do, and have it organised before the cousin rang.

Do you think it would be better to ask your husband to tell you more or to speak direct to the cousin?

Or just to suggest that next time you and husband go on holiday together, without cousin, or husband and cousin go together and you go somewhere else with a friend of your own choice?

You are the best judge of what you want. Make up your mind what that is and quietly make it happen. No need to make it a big fight.

M0nica Sat 05-Jan-19 09:30:51

So, some cousin of your DH hates you. So what? We all at sometime in our lives find someone, distant relation, close work colleague or other who for some reason, usually unclear or unjustified, really loathes us.

Just have nothing to do with him. Do not bother trying to find out why. If your DH wants to continue meeting him, taking holidays with him, let him, just cut the cousin out of your life. Given the number of threads on Gransnet from parents and children who are at daggers drawn, which is tragic, cousins are expendable.

oldbatty I am inclined to support you.

Grannybags Sat 05-Jan-19 09:47:57

Just what I was thinking oldbatty

Kalu Sat 05-Jan-19 10:12:09

It’s very thoughtful to include his cousin in your holiday plans but should not be at the expense of upsetting you and ruining your holiday as a couple.

I would be asking the cousin what is going on and then I would be having words with my DH regarding his lack of loyalty and trust when he feels it acceptable for him to readily accept his cousin’s word against mine.

Very odd that your DH isn’t telling you what you are supposedly guilty of when he knows his cousin’s version which he keeps using against you and telling you is all your fault

Baggs Sat 05-Jan-19 10:16:22

If any man told my husband that he hated me I wouldn't expect my husband to tell me unless it was to tell me he was disgusted with the other man and would be limiting contact thereafter.

Where is your husband's loyalty to you?

Jalima1108 Sat 05-Jan-19 10:19:36

Cousin now rarely phones my husband

Well, that's a relief then, and probably the answer.
Unless your husband contacts him that sounds like the end of your problems.

Jalima1108 Sat 05-Jan-19 10:24:14

Precisely, Baggs

DD had a close friend who used to come here with tales of what she had done wrong, supposedly, and finish with 'I bet you hate me now don't you' sad face
It seemed to be an attention-seeking teenage thing which she has grown out of now.

Izabella Sat 05-Jan-19 10:56:25

Definitely a teenage thing Jalima IMHO

MissAdventure Sat 05-Jan-19 10:58:43

If he hates you then you'll not have to put up with him on your holidays again.
Every cloud..

glammanana Sat 05-Jan-19 11:20:49

Simply just don't tell him when you are next going on holiday problem solved.

HurdyGurdy Sat 05-Jan-19 18:17:00

I am struggling to understand the circumstances whereby your husband’s cousin would PHONE him to go for a smoke? Where were you all staying? Couldn’t he have knocked on the door of your room/apartment? You say this was in August, before things became awkward between you and the cousin.

I am also struggling with the concept of a husband who would tell his wife something that would clearly upset her (that his cousin had taken offence at something she had said) but wouldn’t elaborate on what it was. That’s drip feeding a punishment, and unkind. You need to ask him outright exactly what you have said, and when you said it.

Is your husband upset that his cousin doesn’t phone him now? Is you husband incapable of phoning his cousin, if he mises his company so badly?

Frankly, I’d say the two men-children deserve each other, and I’d hope they will be happy in each other’s company, whilst you take time away from both of them and enjoy your own holidays.

Elrel Sat 02-Feb-19 15:42:53

PINKY57 Confusing - You say you were already 'very upset' by the smoking thing in August, so weren't keen to have him on your second holiday. How is it you say 'previously we had a good relationship' apparently meaning previous to whatever you said to the cousin during the second holiday?

crazyH Sat 02-Feb-19 15:55:10

Hate is a strong word. I'm sure one of my d.i.ls doesn't like me very much, but I wouldn't say she hates me.
Your husband!s cousin enjoys your husband's company. Hasn't he got a female pal he could bring along to even things out?
Oh I see, he booked his holiday so that it would be at the sane place, same time. Just go with the flow, as long as this cousin doesn't expect to spend 24/7 with you and hubby.

Niobe Sat 02-Feb-19 17:28:58

This poster stated in another thread that she is Asian. Might have a bearing on her, her husband's and the cousin's behaviour.

Jalima1108 Sat 02-Feb-19 17:58:27

I think the other thread mentioned another problem with her husband.

Can you leave them to go away together and have a holiday with other members of your family Pinky?

NanaandGrampy Sat 02-Feb-19 18:56:15

Hasn’t this been posted before in more detail ....or maybe I’m just losing the will to live 😞

cornergran Sat 02-Feb-19 18:57:54

Indeed it has n&g, unkess we’re both losing the will to live 🤔

Jalima1108 Sat 02-Feb-19 19:04:47

I think it's the same thread revived