Am I being unreasonable

How much do you love this man who is quite ill? Do you want the best for him?
I appreciate his need to feel he is " at home" at a tough time in his life. If you think that, if his prognosis is positive, he will move back to your shared home then yes YABU. If his prognosis is poor and you may be ' free' to move back south if he dies then YASBU!
If howerver you feel that he will recover and be in good health but that he will still want to stay in NE then there needs to be more discussion..because if the deal was for a temp move that becomes permanent then YANBU! Give it time, support him, find outlets for yourself & maybe spend a few days a month back south. He seems to have support so you could get away.

Unless Flamenco comes back to clarify this I think our advice is fairly useless as we don’t know if it’s a temporary move or a permanent one
He decided we should move there did you have no discussions about this before going, weren’t you given any choices ? Have you sold up homes? You ve only been their four months and hate it. four month is too short a period especially with the worry of his illness to know what you think of it but if your heart is not in it then you won’t allow yourself to get used to it will you

I think you need to update us Flamenco

Poor flamenco, you sound so miserable and with so much to cope with.
It took me 12 months to settle when I moved from the north to Cornwall - and it was my choice to go!
Eventually, I settled and you will too but don't expect it to happen overnight. Give yourself time.

Suggestions about joining things and going to Maggie's Centre are all good, please try them and don't let yourself get so down that you no longer have the motivation to do it.
Your DH is probably suffering a bit of guilt that he's made you so unhappy and right now he doesn't need that, does he?
Chin up and keep smiling lass.

Northerners are very friendly people and Newcastle has a lot going on. The hospitals are excellent especially the Freeman.
I understand it is not your choice of abode but there is something for everyone and as others have said there are meet ups in the area.
I live in the next city.

I think it’s unfair to say you are being selfish because he’s going through worse stuff. It’s hard being a carer and to give the best care you need to be mentally healthy. Look after yourself by moving from that isolation and joining with the community in some way. ?

Four months is too short a time. Grab your life, get into things on your own that you enjoy and own them for you. Yes it is horrid that all you knew has evaporated, as someone who had to experience living all over UK and abroad after three months things start to slide into place. As a yard stick it was at least six months before I unpacked the sewing machine. It will change the feeling of being 'out crowd' previous advice is right. There are magnificent things to enjoy where you are if you would give them a try.

You say you have been totally taken over by his family - this means you've lost your identity, and frankly if your partner has reached a point in his life where he wants to be closer to his daughters knowing how this will affect you, you need to make some decisions. What will happen if his health deteriorates, will they be caring for him, will you eventually be pushed out and left on your own? Think about these possibilities.

Whether you are being unreasonable or not depends on information we don't yet have.

I can fully understand that your DH, having been given a cancer diagnosis, was very frightened and wanted to spend time with his family and have treatment at a place he feels more secure. And 4 months isn't a long time. So if the deal was, he makes a full recovery, then you move back to Bucks, in my opinion you are being unreasonable and should see it through with him.

If he wants to stay there after he has had treatment and makes a full recovery then that is a different scenario. He may well feel that way as a scare like that sometimes makes a person focus more on how precious time is with family. You have left your family and friends reluctantly because you had to consider his wishes as he is the one with the cancer. However, if you can see no return to the life you loved then of course, your health could suffer also and I have more understanding.

I think you need (if you haven’t already) to establish if this is forever. Then, decide if you want to bite the bullet and get out there and make friends, a new life, and maybe a move outside of the city when he doesn’t need to be so close to the hospital. You could travel down to see family on a regular basis. So stay there with him. Or, tell him that you didn’t see the arrangement as a permanent one and just wanted to support him during his difficult time but you want to return when he has recovered. Then I guess you have to decide what is more important to you.

If his prognosis is not good, then you must stay and support him through what will be very difficult times. You may find then that his family will be invaluable support to you.

Maggies, as suggested by petalmoore is an excellent cancer support facility and I would fully recommend it. It’s for sufferers and their families and it’s a truly wonderful place. I have experience of one in a different part of the country and can report that they are calm, serene and very spiritual places but they also hold classes for gentle exercise, cake making, music and much, much more. They have counsellors available if you are struggling with any aspect of how cancer is affecting your life. I would pop in there soonest and see if you can get some advice, support and you could even help them out if you want an activity. They usually have wonderful cake!!!! A good enough reason to visit anyway!

What treatment cannot he obtain in Bucks that is, it appears, available where his family live.?
Moving for ones work I would have no qualms however
I question is his illness at the stage where he feels the need for family as well as yourself.
It will be an upheaval should you decide to go with his wishes and I hope for you both you get support from your partners family in doing this.
You will make new friends, find new places of interest.
Cross that bridge when you come to it.

Try joining some groups or doing voluntary work. It's amazing how much belonging to something helps. I only moved a few miles from an area where my children had grown up and I was like a fish out of water. It took me ages to settle down.

Frankly, IMO you are being slightly unreasonable. Your husband is critically ill and wants to be near his children and in a part of the country that supplies better treatment than what he would be able to get in the south.

I realise that you are worried about him, your future and that you didn't want to move, but you made the decision to do so, so please do try to meet some people and try to get on with his daughters too.

As far as I know Newcastle is a lively town with lots to do and see - hardly the back of beyond, so if your partner is well enough get out of the house together or alone and explore this nice new town.

Try volunteering with the National Trust one day a week or once a fortnight. There are also a number of events and exhibitions coming up soon in Newcastle that you can volunteer for. Both the above are good ways to meet new and like-minded friends. I think the Transplant Games are coming to Newcastle soon and they'll be looking for volunteers in all sorts of areas. Could be a lot of fun.

sorry, the link:
enrolonline.wea.org.uk/Online/2018/CourseInfo.aspx?r=C2524422

Do you like the idea of writing? There is a lovely introductory course of creative writing with a great writer-tutor and a friendly group, mainly women in their 60s, and we need more participants for the WEA to allow it to continue. If you fancy it, come next Wednesday morning - upstairs at the Brunswick centre, next to Fenwicks. PM me if interested.

I would have stayed put in my home knowing that family are already near to hand where the hospital is.
If finances aren't a problem, a flight each weekend would be less of an inconvenience than moving to somewhere during the duration of his treatment.
I understand that your wish to be near him is also vital but you have to ask yourself what your own priority is, that of following your partners wishes or your ( apparent ) dismay at leaving the home/area you're more familiar with.
Either way it's a tough decision and one which won't help at a time when you have to remain strong for your partner as well as holding on to your own sanity and general health which is so important.

I had no choice but to move several times with DH's job. I decided that as it was going to happen I would make the best of it. As the removal van left I decided to never look back and just get on with it. It was a good way to find out who my true friends were, some kept in touch some didn't and it is a lot easier now. I always accepted every invitation even if it was to something not to my taste.

After our last move I invited my all new neighbours round for drinks between 2-4 pm, some stayed much later and I now have some good relationships.

I've lived in Bucks but not the far north but everything I have heard leads me to think they are friendly so reach out to them.

This all sounds tough but if you have no choice it is best to find ways to make it work for yourself.

Oops - shouldn’t try to reply on the phone in the car. I was trying to say partners and carers of someone who has cancer are sometimes ignored when the focus is on the one undergoing treatment, and that the people at Maggie’s Centres recognise that. Wishing you well for everything.

Hi flamenco If you have transport and can leave your partner for two or three hours, come and join us for our next meet up at what was once Heighley Gate garden centre but is now Dobbies. (Morpeth NE61 3DA) Keep an eye on the meet ups forum. You can set it to alert you when there's an announcement.

People from the North East have a kind of homing instinct, I've found. My late husband certainly did. They will return here eventually if they possibly can! I'm originally from Liverpool but moved around so much as a child that I don't really belong anywhere! No family left over there. However, in praise of Northumberland, even though my husband is long gone, this is my home. I smile and raise a silent cheer every time I cross the border from Cumbria. So, as Anniebach advises, give it time.

Since you're renting, and if your partner's condition doesn't prevent it, could you move a little further out from the city to find a green and pleasant compromise?

Are you both in touch with the Maggie’s Centre in Newcastle?
www.maggiescentres.org/our-centres/maggies-newcastle/
Maggie’s offers support not just to people with cancer but to the whole family. Maggie’s Centres are ‘places to find practical advice about benefits and eating well; places where qualified experts provide emotional support; places to meet other people; places where you can simply sit quietly with a cup of tea’ - words from their website, but I know from my own experience thataggie’s reaches parts of the experienc

u3asites.org.uk/newcastle/home

U3a is good for getting out and meeting people. Good luck

Sorry to hear you are struggling. I have relocated many times in my life, worked abroad etc. I think it takes a particular mindset to get into resettling and at the moment you seem to have both illness and family 'suffocation' to deal with.

Personally I would find some distance and space for yourself. Find a way of getting out of the house for several hours at a time. Does your local library need volunteers for example. Even if they don't it is a marvellous resource for information on courses, clubs and activities. If you have a bus pass use it and get to the coast or places of interest - or even just a long ride to get away.

My last move was just 12 months ago now to an area where I knew 1 person. I now have a small network of people I am getting to know well, have joined a gym and two local clubs. I am off backpacking again next month abroad, but that may not be your scene.

I apologise if I make it all sound easy, but I have always been a free spirit and very independent. You do not have to be either of these, but I think you can make changes. It is actually making the first move that people find hard. Good luck!!

You do seem to be in a pickle. I presume your husband is getting the treatment he needs, so you need to take care of yourself.. is his family helping in any way. If you moved to be near them, then surely they should bear some of the responsibility.

Goodness it's a difficult time - you do need to look after yourself too or you will be no help to anyone. You are bound to feel out of your comfort zone - maybe try and join a few groups, anything that helps you feel a bit more at home, it's been a huge move and with so much going on, give yourself time.

Is there no Carers group that you could join? They arrange all sorts of activities both for you to have some me time and to go to with the person you care for. Meeting other people in similar circumstances stops you feeling so isolated. There is also always someone at the Carers that you can talk to if you need to. You can also get advice on pensions, taxes, or anything that is bothering you.
Joining a walking group also helpful for your physical and mental health. It would give you the opportunity to get back to the countryside you love. Most walkers are pretty friendly people wherever you are.
Also do you have to live in town? surely there are plenty of country villages just outside where you could live? As a carer you need to look after your well being as well or you wont be able to give the support your partner needs.
I am a little concerned that "he decided". Surely you agreed together?

There are two meet up groups one in Gosforth and the other Heighley Gate Morpeth. Join one or both of them and make friends that way, at the least it will be a break from 'family'.