Am I being unreasonable

I have sometimes thought I'd really like a little campervan.

Are you selling one Alexa

Right you are Jalima! Maybe they would like a small camper van with its toilet and a little cooker to make a cup of tea, plus a bed for someone who feels not very well to lie down.

Some nice suggestions but if her OH needs to be near the hospital for possibly daily treatment, then living some distance away (and trying to park) may not be feasible.
I know people who have had to travel long distances to the oncology centre and it's an early start - getting up at 5 am in order to be there on time. Not easy when you're not feeling well either.

If you can drive, flamenco then perhaps taking your OH out to the countryside or coast on 'days off' will do you both good.

Morpeth is a pleasant market town, buses to Newcastle every 15 mins and bus journey takes half an hour or so, or a 15 mile drive.

Amble is a coastal village within striking distance of Newcastle if you have a car. The countryside around is lovely. Some rental properties are £4-500 per month

Flamenco has three troubles.
Lives in the city not the country: move to a country rental. Try Rightmove online.

Lacks friends and family.: will have to deliberately cultivate a friendship. Try local U3A and choose someone.

Taken over by his family: assert yourself and do what you choose to do.

I think the OP feels unhappy enough already without people making nasty remarks saying that she should think more about her partner's predicament.

I expect she is extremely upset and probably worried and depressed about her partner's illness. At this very difficult time, living somewhere that she is unfamiliar with and where she has no friends or relatives of her own to turn to must be very difficult.

Flamenco I hope some of the suggestions on here are helpful to you and that you start to feel more comfortable in your surroundings. Last year I went to Newcastle for the first time and it seemed a very nice city, though I didn't have time to look around much. Some of my relatives moved up there from Essex many years ago and they really love it there. I hope you will eventually feel the same, or alternatively, have the opportunity to move back to Bucks. Wishing you all the best.

You are in a difficult situation, worrying about your partner and trying to settle into a very different environment. I had a similar situation and would be despairing that I didn’t know anyone and couldn’t understand the accents, but I forced myself to join different things and before I knew it, I’d started to meet people and make friends. Good luck, you’ll get there.

No, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all.
You have ‘needs’ too and you are also going through a very distressing time in your life.
I am so sorry that you feel so unhappy and do not have your ‘old’ friends and family close by. He is now well supported, which is great, but not so easy for you.
If you are to stay near Newcastle and haven’t made friends in the immediate area yet, could you at least plan to move nearer the countryside, on the edge of Newcastle? It may give you something to plan and look forward to. But as others have said, joining groups and doing voluntary work will help.
I hope you soon begin to feel more settled and make new friends. So sorry that your circumstances are currently so difficult.
Sending you hugs and ? xx

Ha ! so sorry to hear you are finding the transition difficult ...I have just bought a retirement flat IN NEWCASTLE ...I love it there ! Have lived all over the UK Spain and France ...I come from East Anglia originally but have nothing but praise for the Geordies ...although my Suffolk friends think I am mad THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN to Newcastle ..so much going on the coast and countryside are beautiful ...even just wandering into the city and having a coffee is great because people talk to you ......I have always found people there helpful and friendly. There are so many things you can join ...and the hospitals (RVI and Freeman) are excellent, as are transport links .......Someone I was talking to was quite derogatory when I told them where I have bought my flat (not moved in yet !) ....they said Oh No you're not going to be a Geordie are you ? I said Y ES albeit an Honorary One and I shall be very happy if they accept me ! (mind you, I have to say that sometimes I do need an interpreter !)

I see this a temporary move and your partner needs outweigh your comfort zone. See a therapist, go to museums, parks and get acquainted to your new digs. Sorry, but you are being rather selfish and you need to drop the poor me!

Having, in the past moved to a place I ended up hating (within days of arriving) I can understand your feelings, I managed to persuade my dh to move again to the Midlands (near ds and family). I still knew no one but decided this was it, we were going to stay there so I better get out there and make some friends. I joined the W.I. and later a small slimming group, have got to know lots of people and made some form friendships. It takes time, it didn’t happen overnight, but YOU have to make the effort and make a conscious decision to make it home. Good luck

Whats his prognosis now?if he's getting better then it's got to be worth all the hassle in my opinion. Excellent advice has been offered here which I think you should think about.four months isn't long. Good luck.

You need to join clubs/classes to meet new friends with similar interests to yourselves. How much looking after by you does he need? If he doesn't need you 24/7 you can go and visit your friends/family for a few days here and there, leaving him in the capable hands of his locally living family. You have given up a lot for him, he must appreciate that. You will be of no help to him if you become unwell. Talk to him, explain all this, if he cares for you as much as you obviously do for him he should understand. I wouldn't think he would want you to be unhappy or unwell. I hope the situation improves for you

Sorry I meant to change ‘husband’ to partner.

I’m sorry Newcastle must be hell for a country girl. I would not want to live there - the traffic would drive me mad but you can survive by finding the positives - there is plenty of public transport - metro and busses at frequent intervals, within and out of town,, and lots of good eating places all over the place, assuming your husband is well enough to go out, or you are able to go off and leave him for a few hours. There are parks, Jesmond Dene, and the coast. Apart from Teignmouth, there is Whitley Bay or you could go to South Shields and southwards for miles of deserted beaches. Are there any members of your husband’s family that you can make friends with? Perhaps among their in laws there is a woman you could meet up with for coffee who could help you to get to know the area? It sounds as if you have not burned your boats, so why not, for your partner’s sake, give yourself a deadline of say, 1 yr, after which you can review your situation and if you are still deeply unhappy, go back. Just for one year you can help to make this a good time for your partner, and perhaps in the process you will find it is bearable.
However, don’t underestimate the stresses you are under, and if you cannot cope, go to see a doctor if you feel you need help. ?

Yes, you are being unreasonable after all you've only lived there for about 12 weeks. It took me 2 years to settle here, you should go out to meet people, they won't come to you I'm afraid.

Four months is a very short time and I get the feeling you went there knowing you would not like it.

When I had just had my first baby and I had made friends and a life here, my husband announced we were moving to Holland. I resisted for 4 months but then decided it was the best thing to do. I was quite unhappy for the first year but after 18 years there I was equally sorry to move back to the UK.

You have a choice. You can make up your mind to have a life there - maybe a compromise move away from the city nearer the country - it is beautiful up there or go back on your own.

It is harder I know as you get older to change but either you want a life with him or you want your old life back. I like a challenge and think you could make a go of it up there if you let yourself and not pine for the past.

I have moved a lot in my life and a friend who has lived in the same place all her life said to me that my life would seem longer as I have lots of milestones!

I am totally taken over by his family!
Sometimes a blessing, sometimes not! However, they are presumably just trying to be supportive and perhaps you are more of a solitary person and need some time and space to yourself. Perhaps you could, as someone suggested, get out to the coast occasionally?

flamenco I hope your husband is getting the treatment he needs - Newcastle is a centre of excellence for these types of illness so from that point of view it was probably a good decision.
I know of someone who lived with his daughter when he was ill and needed prolonged treatment and his wife stayed in the family home.
Do you not get on with his daughters - you mention having no family - are they not family? It's understandable, too, that he wants to be near them during this difficult time.

I do hope you can find activities to join in whilst you are there to support him - and perhaps you can go home again from time to time to make sure your house is still fine and to catch up with friends and family in Bucks.

I hope his treatment goes well.

Over the past couple of years you've posted about your partner and his intention to move back to the North East, and your reluctance to do so, but you went ahead and did it.

I'm sorry he's now ill and you must feel trapped but I think depending on his prognosis you're going to have to just get on with life and make the best of your time there.

I can understand being overwhelmed by his family if you have no friends or acquaintances that's why you must make some sort of effort to enjoy your time with your partner and his family. You've been given lots of advice on things to do and see in the area.

I assume you love and want to be with him, otherwise you wouldn't have moved

Sorry to hear about your husband and hope he gets the treatment and care he deserves.

I totally understand where you are coming from. We moved to Ireland 12 years ago and we went from living in a town to living in the countryside, nearest shopping centre was a round trip of 50 miles. 2 miles just to get a paper or a pint of milk etc. I had a great job here in the UK and couldn’t get work over in Ireland - I felt useless and very isolated and began to hate living there as I was just barely existing. I eventually did some volunteering and that opened up a lot of things for me. It got me out, got me meeting people and gave me a purpose. I still missed family and friends in the UK and we decided to come home after 9 years. Its tough, but try and make the best of what you have. Good luck x

Maybe this all depends on the depth of your love for him ? Could you move back and live without him ? Or are your feelings deep enough to give this more time ? Be open and honest with him and hopefully you can find a solution.

As above I live notfar from Newcastle and understand your dilemma but you and husband are under a lot of strain as above get in touch with maggies and you will hopefully see we are a friendly lot but with most things we need to know your there and struggling.