Please be gentle. This might be a bit long,
As a couple we've had a really grim couple of years with bereavements, serious health problems. I started a new job lat year which turned out to be extremely demanding and stressful (work coach in a job centre) coupled with my husband being very ill and being told he may not live very long. Eventually it all got too much for me and at the beginning of Dec 2018 I went to pieces and have been signed off with stress related anxiety and depression since. That day when I left work I couldn't go home as we had workmen in so I phoned my best friend of 35 years and straight away she told me to come over - she is retired. We sat and chatted and I cried and shook then went home after an hour or so. We met on 12th Dec when she was lovely and supportive. (We've both got back ground in social services, care sector Samaritans etc). Then nothing!
Some days I was too anxious to go outside, go to the local shops, was a mess. Couldn't sleep, Felt so low and worthless, spent too much time on my own as family were all working. We got through Christmas just kept it simple just with our children. With counselling, the support of my lovely husband, family and other friends I'm improving and going back to work on a gentle "phased return" soon.
However what has hurt so much and keeps churning in my head is why I just never heard from her when I really needed help . No phone calls no messages. It sounds pathetic but I couldn't deal with ringing her as her husband always answers to phone and I just couldn't deal with talking to other people. I could see on Facebook she was fine, going to Christmas parties etc. I messaged her at the beginning of January saying are you ok? She messaged back saying busy but fine. I couldn't reply. I didn't know how, She messaged me a couple of days ago saying "We really must get together soon".
I just don't know where to go with this. I still feel quite frail emotionally and almost feel unable to explain how I feel to her. But it's been such a blow and is at the back of my mind all the time. Sorry this has been so lengthily but need gentle advice. Thank you
