Unable to see my newborn Grandson

Seeing a Solicitor to find out where you stand is not "going to court." They will give good advice as to the steps to take and will know when the best time to act is. If the mother has "blocked" the father, then to send presents, etc., can be seen as harassment. There is another thread on the forum where more than one person has been warned off by the police.
My son had to go to court to see his young son eventually but the first letter from the solicitor just asked if arrangements could be made to see him and pointed out what the parental rights were. Mum was advised to see her to get legal advice too. Within a month some access had been arranged but some of the demands of where the child could go were unreasonable so he ended up in court. It was difficult to start with but it soon settled down. Sometimes I think the solicitor's initial letter shows the seriousness of intent and the mother's own solicitor tells her what is reasonable. Sometimes people think they have rights they really don't have. Of course, in this case, the father could be told by his solicitor, he has no chance if he has behaved badly but at least he'd know. In our case I seem to remember the solicitor told us what to write first and if that didn't work, to go back.

No judge is going to separate a tiny baby from their mother so contact for father/grandparents would be with the Mom present.

Therefore what ever the circumstances the way to solve this is through diplomacy with the Mother.

Momof3 and myself are not assuming that the father is abusive, just reminding people of the possibility.

Either way sending something nice to the mother and child without asking for anything in exchange is a good first step. Going straight down the legal route would guarantee an ongoing bad atmosphere between the mother and the father's family.

What is your son's explanation for why the baby's mother refuses to have any contact with him?

Momof3, I think it goes without saying that if the father is abusive that we would not expect the mother to hand a baby over. However, these first weeks are just as important to a well adjusted father as they are to the mother. We made an assumption he isn't abusive, you've made the assumption that the mother needs to protect herself and her child.
Hmperez, could you enlighten us the circumstances?

Mothers trying to protect themselves and their children.

Maybe the father has been abusive (physical/emotional/sexual/financial and the mother just wants a clean break. Sad for the extended family but the advice to send flowers, congratulations card and small gift for the baby maybe a way in to the Mom. Tell her you are there for her and the baby and when she’s is ready you would love to see her.

People talking about court need to calm down the mother has felt it necessary to cut out the Dad and his family. Also she has just given birth it may be nice to give her time to recover before solicitor letters start being sent.

Coyoacan, I think the bitterness of a divorce/split often makes skewed thinking very common. People are able to convince themselves that they are doing the right thing even whilst the rest of the world watches on aghast. If you asked mothers if they would always act in the best interests of their child, I am sure they would instantly reply positively but the reality is, they are human subject to all the emotions that go with it and that has an impact on what they see as fair. I also think that having done all the work with pregnancy and birth, along with most of the nurturing, mothers feel they are much more righteous than the father. Even people I have admired greatly as parents somehow find themselves in this wrestling about the kids. I know that there were a lot of things I argued with my ex about to do with the care of the kids, things that were surmountable if we just hadn't been locked in intransigent positions. I look back and wonder why some of those things seemed so important. With age grows wisdom, I could have easily resolved some of the problems with some creative thinking. So yes, I think more often than not, the mothers subconsciously are trying to get at their exes and the 'protection' from their exes is usually a difference of opinion about the minutiae of looking after said kids.

"So sad when adults use kids to get at exes, why don’t they think of the child? Unless of course there are serious reasons to prevent contact"

The thing is which do you believe is more common, mothers trying to get at their exes or mothers trying to protect themselves and their children from exes?

It took two years for me to see my Little granddaughter, in the meantime I sent Birthday an Christmas cards. Go forward five years and I have an ok relationship with my granddaughter but it’s nowhere near as close a relationship as I have with my other grandchild who I have helped look after since birth. It really upsets me but nothing seems to make the difference.i can only think that the delay in being part of each other’s lives hs meant we haven’t been able to bond. So sad when adults use kids to get at exes, why don’t they think of the child? Unless of course there are serious reasons to prevent contact.

Am in a not disimilar situation and have been for two years - the to-ing and fro-ing has been stressful/difficult for all involved. My granddaughter is soon to be 2 years old - she is adorable (as are they all) I have physically seen her twice - but I send an item of clothing or a toy every month with a note to her Mum saying I thought of GD and hope you like it too) there have been gaps but generally I have received a thank you e-mail. I always send the item with love from Granny and Grandpa (surname) at (name of town). Working OK for the moment whilst the "adults" work out what the future arrangements shall be. Keeping the doors ajar is a good thing in my opinion,

Leave it to your son. It’s his child. If he wants to pursue a relationship with his child, you can encourage it but nothing more. If I had a casual relationship with a man, and had a baby I wouldn’t be eager to hand over my infant to his family- absolute strangers, and I certainly wouldn’t if I received any sort of solicitors letter. Let the courts do their job and tell your son to step up. If he doesn’t choose to, there’s nothing for you to do.

How else can you forge a way through if you have been completely blocked? Sometimes it just takes an official letter to make people realise that they cannot just act willy nilly with a child's life. Maybe Mum feels she can do this but a letter from a solicitor pointing out the legal requirements tend to focus the mind. I am not saying going down the DNA route should be the first thing you go for but a letter asking for access rights isn't actually a huge bomb but points out your serious intent.

Maybe so, but going straight for the legal route?

Coyoacan, the best interests of the child are served by it being allowed to know it's father. Whilst I agree that a child caught in the middle certainly isn't the best thing but neither is growing up knowing nothing about one side of the family or believing they didn't care enough to try to get to know you.

But what is in the best interests of your grandchild? People advocating going down the legal route with forced DNA studies aren't thinking about the child caught in the middle.

Talk to your son and get him to have a chat with a solicitor to find out what his and child's rights are. If he is the father, he will be able to seek the right to see his child. It does not have to be an expensive process and a letter from a solicitor may well be all the mother needs to make her see sense. It may be a little bit more awkward if your son is not on the birth certificate but a court can order a DNA test if your son applies for it.
Your son won't get legal aid but neither will she so unless she is super rich, she won't be able to put up much of fight. Parents can represent themselves and the courts are usually very helpful in those cases.

If your son is on the birth certificate, he already has parental responsibility and can apply to a court for a contact order which would set out when he can see his son. If he’s not, he doesn’t automatically have PR but can again apply to court, to be given PR and contact.

newnanny gives the best advice.

My ex was violent but his parents won me over with kindness.

Without knowing more it's difficult to give advice. Your son must know why she is so hostile. From my experience it's unlikely someone would say 'Get out of my life the lot of you and I'm not telling you why'.

Maybe he is not the father? Are/were they married? Maybe she has met someone else? Maybe something has happened you know nothing about? Is she asking for financial child support?

Going without that information, it's unlikely you'll get anywhere legally as GP's and as others have said it's your son who needs to find out where he stands. If he gets access, then you'll see the baby. Especially if he is living with you.

Is your son on the baby's birth certificate? If he is, then he can apply for parental responsibility. If his name isn't on the birth certificate then there is little you can do. Your only option really is to write her a nice letter congratulating her and tell her how much you would love to see him and stay in touch. Maybe send a gift for him.

It would be nice if you came back to us with more information. In the meantime you can read this link:

www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/who-has-parental-responsibility

You don't give enough details about why your son's ex has banned all of his family members, including you. Would need to know more before giving advice, although it's really your son you should be asking this question of.

The answer is with your son
Dont let the child be used as a bargaining tool.
Very difficult to ask for a DNA if it turns out that its your sons child .the damage will really be difficult to sort out .as awful as it sounds you need to step out for now .You could send flowers and a card if you wish

I think the only thing you can do is support your son right now. He needs to sort out the situation, because he will be required to support the child, unless of course he can prove that it is not his, but presumably you know it is his child.

We might all be better able to help if you told us a little more of the background.

You say the child's mother won't talk to any of you, and you do not know why she will have nothing to do with you. Ask your son, if he has even the faintest inkling of the reason. I'm afraid someone on your side of the family must have done or said something that the child's mother took offence at - she may have totally misunderstood something that was said or done.

I can't say I think it will help, but you could write a letter, apologising for anything you could possibly have done to hurt her. Make it clear that you are not aware of what it could be. Appeal to her love for the child - children should know both their father and their father's family.

If you send the letter by registered post, you will at least know that she received it.

"Should I just respect her choice and walk away or fight to see our grandson? All advice welcome."

You need to step back and respect her choice. This is NOT your fight. Plus how exactly do you plan to "fight," for a child that you've never even seen or spent any time with? This would be a loosing battle even if legally pursued which I wouldn't advice you to do. Your only feasible options would be to respect her choice, come to amicable grounds with her, or let your SON pursue this - and if he succeeds then you can see you GC on his visitation time.

She also just gave birth. Badgering her right now will only breed resentment. Do you know why your son a her broke up?

Don't take sides in this matter. If they do get back together after you took his side against her, you will end up being the "bad person," and will remain shut out by the both of them. I've seen this happen too many times, so stay neutral. As hard as it may be try and do it if you want to have a chance to visit with your GC.

"We have no idea what we did and she won't speak to any of us. " - your son knows exactly what happened. Again don't enter into a battlefield without knowing the reason for battle. Goodluck!

Sadly Grandparents have very little rights when it comes to seeing grandchildren - but your son does and, if he wanted to, could go down the legal route to get access to his child. Perhaps it is something you could discuss with him? If he doesn't then all I can suggest is making a memory box for your grandchild and putting cards and little gifts etc into it, as they grow they may well want to find out about their paternal side of the family and would treasure photos and bits and pieces that show you were thinking of them over the years.