Hello, this is my first post here. I am feeling upset and worried about my 18 year old DD who has run off to a village outside Prague (from UK).
We adopted DD when she was 7. Over the 10+ years she hasn't really been able to attach and trust us. She has almost daily started rows and conflicts that have gotten more powerful with each passing year.
OH gets most wounded (as he yearns for closeness) and seems permanently depressed and so angry from all the conflict. I have been learning how to keep myself emotionally well balanced through the daily conflicts, to the point where I just feel relieved if DD is home but not in a fighting mood.
Regularly, OH speaks to me about wanting her to leave (code for being lost in terms of having any degree of influence with her - I have teeny amount more).
With her 18th approaching she began telling us she would be doing things and going places and we could not stop her as she is an Adult! Although we explained how worried we are for her safety and offered her some support, she just wanted her freedom. So, on the back of one of the "discussions" she fled to Prague to be with her GF (they had never met, only connected on social media).
We initially worried some danger would befall her, but she is alive and in love and girls mother is clearly feeding her and keeping her.
So, the point of this post is that I haven't anyone I can talk to about how I feel apart from husband and 2 friends. We haven't told others (unclear about her plans until today).
Today she let us know about extending her stay and resigned from her job after having letters from Head Office about unauthorised absence. She will earn nothing as of next week and is indicating she is planning to stay with her GF in Prague area.
If she does plan to return, OH is not keen to have her home as we do believe all the old rows will recur.I am also very concerned that she will return and continue with her old ways.
I feel worried, sad, bereaved, shocked and a bit of a failure as a parent. I feel worried for her longer term prospects and I feel frustrated that all communication is on messenger and that we have no impact on her anyway.
I feel caught on the horns of a dilemma: her couldn't care behaviours which hurt us daily but she could be here and safe vs our health.
Thank you for reading.
Silent treatment - son
Caught in the act - neighbours
How to say it - 'no'