A bit envious

Original poster doesn’t say she has moved to a new area though so hopefully already has a community set up that she will need to use more now

I can identify with this Dawn. We moved to a different part of the country when my husband took early retirement. He was almost immediately welcomed with open arms to volunteer with a local charity (somewhat ironically the very one I’d had my eye on in case work didn’t materialise!) and also took up some responsibility in the local church. Meanwhile I failed to get any of the jobs I applied for and when I investigated volunteering opportunities for me no one seemed to want my skills! I’d studied for my professional qualification as a very mature student and was sure I still had something to offer, somewhere - in fact at at point anywhere would have done!
I was very torn, on the one hand very glad he was finding fulfilling things to do but selfishly wanting to scream “what about ME” It was a very low point in my life, I was jealous and not proud of it either. But fast forward 10 years, I’m involved in some very satisfying volunteering and have a good group of women friends too. It all took effort and a lot of initiating on my part for this to happen but it was worth it. I’m not a natural “ joiner in” and had to push myself to get going. Maybe if you’re able to make friends and find your own place in the community these jealous feelings will fade. Then you might be able to be happy for your husband and enjoy the music he makes too.

Couldn't you get a hobby yourself? Painting/pottery/photography/dancing...there must be something you'd enjoy.

My husband has made a new croup of friends through attending group counselling. He’s never had friends of his own and I find it odd that he goes for long walks with them. Although it feels strange, I am also pleased for him and relish the time that I have in the house on my own. Make the most of the opportunity to have a long bath, chat on the phone or binge watch your favourite series. Alternatively, start a book group that meets on the evening that he is out.

I support the view that on choir nights you have clear plans for what you will do..that you might not if DH was home. See if you can find another choir " widow" to pal up with for concerts... maybe meet up, for a bite to eat or a coffee, before going to listen to the music.

It’s funny what can make us envious even when we are happy for the people involved
Do you feel a bit left out Are you used to doing everything together as a couple? Is it because you say you are anxious in a group so you haven’t got your husband at your side when the choir perform or do you just feel envious that he’s found something other than you that makes him happy To be honest the solution is the same for all the reasons find something outside your husbands company to do for yourself Is there anything outside the church that you can join, do you have friends outside your marriage ?
I think you need to enlarge your interests, your friends, and your life and these feelings will disappear

Odd that the church only has a male only choir, why don’t you see if there are a group of like minded ladies in the church and start up a small singing group of your own?

I agree with MargaretX do something nice for yourself whilst your husband is singing and enjoy the peace. There have been several threads recently about husbands not doing anything in retirement seems we are never satisfied.

Don't be envious of the choir. Church choirs can be very boring with a lot of practising over and over again and then other members missing practices.

Enjoy your night at home without him. Watch something he doesn't like or do a course online.
Envy passes with time, wait and see.

I absolutely understand! I went through a period of feeling vert jealous of my DH’s many hobbies which took him out of the house and meant he saw much more of his friends than I did mine. Plus he has more of his own friends than I do. It used to cause a bit of friction.
I’ve had to make a real effort to make myself go out too, as I also don’t like crowds.
I have hit on some voluntary work which I love and made really good friends there. Have also joined WI and 2 book groups. There’s U3A as well near me..
I don’t know how much time you’ve got, whether you’re still working or not.
Luckygirl’s right, singing is really good for you in itself
as well as being fun and sociable.
Most community choirs don’t ask for you to have an audition or to be able to read music.
Good luck.

Join a community choir!