A bit envious

I have to say I am glad when my husband does his things, it gives me the space and time to do the things I want to.
Is it that you are lonely without him?
Are you feeling left out.
Honestly there are so many things you could do, join your local U3A organisation there are so many interest groups within this organisation.
Become a volunteer, join the gym, a walking group. You'll not have the time to be envious.
In retirement it gives you the chance to to all the things you didn't have time to do in your working life, enjoy.

I wish my husband would have more outside interests! Since he retired and I’m semi retired I hardly ever get time on my own. There’s always a silver lining!

Horrible being left at home on your own while other half is out.
Suggest you either take up a hobby , see if there is a womens' choir you can join or some other musical group.
As several other people have suggested, there are a lot of volunteer groups around, why not join one of them? It will be hard at first, but have no doubt that you'll gain so much from it!

I'm not good in a crowd either, I'm what is called 'a sociable loner' - I can mix if I have to but prefer my own company.
If you have a hobby, then the fact that there's nothing near you to join could be a bonus because other women may well feel the same and you could solve the problem by having small meeting, 2-4 people at your place.
It could be just supper and chat, or a discussion group with set subjects, or any of the crafts you might follow.

Is there somewhere you could post a notice giving no personal details but just an email address for secure contact?
"Are you interested in...................? Join a Coffee & Chat/Craft evening, Tuesdays 7-9pm. Littletown area. [email protected]"

If you fancy doing free online courses on every subject you can think of, Google "MOOC" or "Future Learn" - I've done some brilliant courses on history, forensic science, psychology, archaeology and much more.
Good luck

sarahellenwhitney - I thought that was what I suggested - a different hobby .

I can imagine that it being male voice choir that outsiders -the women feel left out - but really! Most women would love for hubby to be out at night and with a group of singers who are probably as well behaved as they all were as choir boys.

You could go to the cinema and then not be in when he gets home -just for once

I would make the best of the time he has gone to the quire(choir) .there must be something you can do .like join WI or a ladies knitting group. or have a luxurious bath and relax while he is out singing. after all its only a mens group .go to bingo. jump up and down and wave your knickers in the air...!!!

Hello Dawn22. Envy can be a very painful emotion and occasionally a destructive one. However, admitting the feeling is the first step to dealing with it and envy can actually become a positive emotion if it encourages you to create healthy goals for yourself. Maybe you could identify exactly what it is about your husband being in a choir that you are envious of, then make a list of the steps you can take to reach your own goals.

Granless Sometimes it pays to have different interests as retirement can mean being in each others company twenty four seven. Although DH had interests I did not get involved in never the less I found it hilarious listening to the tales he had to tell especially following the monthly committee meetings, and they say women are fickle?

Its probably a good idea to go to the performances whether or not you are envious. You say you are glad for your husband and attending would demonstrate that to him. My husband used to come to performances when I was in a choir and I was utterly thrilled and hugely grateful to him for the support. If you know the wives or partners of others in the choir then arrange to go with them, or if not chat to some of them before the performance gets underway to take your mind off any nerves. If this is all too much, then arrange to do something totally different on performance day. It could even be a girly pamper session on your own with a nice DVD if there is nothing around for you to join, that way you could look forward to performance days rather than be envious.

Find a hobbie of your own - join a U3A group. There should be something on offer there that will grab you - surely.

Dawn 22 - it's a male voice choir, so unless you suspect hubby is gay what on earth have you got to be envious about. It's not as though he's mixing with other women who might entice him away from you. I like the suggestion that you might start up something for other choir widows or even just have a pamper night for yourself. The key is not to allow his hobby to take over all of his life (and by implication, yours). If it's a choir that travels you will have to deal with this.

Try joining a Book Group perhaps?

It is good for husbands and wives to have different interests. My husband had his golf, badminton and squash. I had my WI., country dancing etc.

I don't know where you live but most areas have a National Trust property within driving distance. Get yourself down there and offer yourself as a volunteer one day a week. They are always in need. You will learn something new, find out about an old/interesting building and family, and make lots of new friends especially if you stick to the same day every week. It's not arduous, but it is fascinating, and everyone you meet is interested in the same thing so you can't go wrong. They also have regular social events. What's not to like - give it a try, nothing to lose.

I assume you are both members of the church? There are usually Wives Groups etc linked to churches... I have not been to anything like that but see their activities advertised. Or maybe a lively WI group would offer opportunities for you to explore?
Are you jealous/annoyed that he found something that specifically excluded you?

A community choir would welcome you with open arms. No auditions, if you don't know what you are eg soprano, you just try the different sections until you feel comfortable. Do give it a try, sure you will enjoy.

Dawn 22
Both DH and self on retirement had separate interests.DH was greatly involved in charity work. I enrolled in the local college taking a course on the history of the county we had moved to.I did however enjoy DH club 'dinners'.
I cannot understand your 'feelings' concerning H involvement in a choir. What would you rather he do?
Consider ridding yourself of these 'feelings of envy' as well as overcoming your anxiety in crowds.Visit your GP who will advise where you can obtain the help you need to enjoy life not hiding away from it.

I’m curious about this ‘male church choir’.that is pretty unusual outside cathedrals. Does it have male altos, and boys singing the treble line, or is it just a tenor/bass male voice choir that sings in a church? The use of the word ‘performance’ puzzles me, too. Surely if it is a church choir it sings at services most of the time, not concerts.

I'd echo joining Rock Choir - my nephew is a Rock Choir leader and I have friends and relatives in his groups, who thorough enjoy it. (Not for me though- I really can't simg!).

Dawn 22, is he a bit of a hottie?

Join " Rock Choir" it will be different from hubbys music , they are all over the country (26,000 members) it is fun and will take you out of yourself . Music is contemporary, rock, gospel , and you also raise money for charity by giving performances - local theatres, Christmas lights , fun runs ( to encourage the runners ) you don't have to be perfect but be willing to perform
It's great ( hubby may want to join YOU !

Look for your nearest Rock Choir www.rockchoir.com
I've been going to 2 years, it's great. You don't need to be able to read music or sing well, no audition, just turn up. Very friendly groups. We sing songs that you'll probably know already, and there are performances that you can take part in if you want to. Get in there!!

Sorry posted too soon, re the envy you are only human, it will all settle when you find your own things to do.

As it's an all male choir presumably there are other wives on their own, could you try to get chatting with some of them? I think if there is very little going on around you maybe by speaking to them you can ask if they know of anything, or what they do. Also have a Google around for your area sometimes groups for things like art or knitting, or a history etc. can be a bit hidden.