Ending 20 year marriage

I am on my third marriage and even though the two break ups I had were very difficult, there is life after divorce and I am now very happy with my third husband (of 20 years).
The thing that was most upsetting about my marriage breakups was that I was left because of affairs with other women (the 2nd time it was a very close friend and they left me to be with them. That meant I was subject to a lot of lies and cruelty.
If there is no love left in your marriage and you have tried counselling then I feel you should call it a day.
Get as much financial advice as you can and try and get things ready such as where you are going to live.
Try to be kind to your husband even though he may take it badly he has given you 20 years of his life.

We all deserve to be happy. It seems like you were emotionally blackmailed into remaining the last time. You can still support someone after a relationship ending, he's had 4 years to come too terms with the idea of splitting. Be honest and be yourself. Good luck x

My marriage ended after 26years. It was very hard to do and at the time I was worried about being on my own and worried about stupid things like coping with a puncture, MOT, little jobs around the house etc - things he had always done. But here I am 10 years down the line, living happily by myself with a boyfriend who stays at weekends and who I go on holiday with and I've coped with whatever life has thrown at me. It is wonderful to have the freedom to be myself. To be honest I was lonely in my marriage and I don't feel lonely now.
It's hard to make the break I agree and a break up is always sad even if you don't get on anymore but it's terrible to be in an unhappy marriage and even though I hate clichés life is too short. There is no easy way to do this. Take care of yourself

Hi Petal, I left a 25 year marriage 5 years ago. We weren't drifting though, we argued for months, then we would make up for a few months. It was a circle trap we were in but we stayed together for the kids. Not sure if we did the right thing there but splitting up was definitely the right thing in the end. Five years on and we are now good friends but rarely see each other outside of work. (We both work at the local hospital)
It was difficult at first, particularly financially, but life is much better now we are apart.
I know my circumstances are different from yours but I would say take the plunge and go. Start a new life while you can. Go get the flat and be with your dogs. Take a little time to yourself and move forward as and when you feel ready.

I think you need to go with your heart petal49.. you are obviously very unhappy in you marriage. Is there
children involved because if there is then there's more to consider then just you own feeling.

I did it after 19 years, and should have done it a lot sooner! I worried how the kids would be, how I'd manage on my own, but eventually had to do it for the sake of my sanity. The kids understood why, it wasn't easy, my ex made it as difficult as possible and it was a struggle. But I don't regret it, the only thing I regret is not doing it sooner! Do what's best for you. Life's too short.

Petal, you only have one life. Don't spend the rest of it regretting what you didn't do. It won't be easy, especially if your husband doesn't want it. But make a plan, grit your teeth and go for it - this is the first day of the rest of your life. Keep that little flat in mind as the end goal and stay strong. I wish you the very best for the future. I've been divorced twice and alone for 30 years - I've never regretted my decisions.

Sometimes Petal49 we have to be true to ourselves. If you feel that walking away is the right decision then do it. You cannot be held responsible for how someone else reacts. It won't be easy you have a lot of history together, but staying in a relationship just because is soul destroying for both parties and you will both end up resentful. Sit down and make a list of the pro's and con's for staying and again for going. Sometimes we just need some breathing space. Whatever your decision, at least you know you made it without any pressure. You could end up being better friends separated, who knows. Good luck.

You need to take small steps to achieve your goals. First step, work out your finances to see what's affordable and what isn't. The website entitled to can assist here if you need to claim housing or other benefits.
Once you've the finances sorted, look on Rightmove or in your local estate agents / housing association for rental properties that are affordable. And next, get yourself a really good solicitor to give you advice on what you are entitled to and the procedure for beginning the steps needed to divorce.
It sounds daunting but it really isn't.
You just need a bit of courage and determination to see it through.

No help to you whatsoever but you must be very unhappy living so, but with dreams. You’re young enough to forge a happier life if you bite the bullet.
‘Please someone and you displease yourself.’
True.

I left my 28 year marriage two years ago. We're just about to start divorce proceedings. My situation was similar to yours: unhappy, unfulfilled, unloved. Sex was functional to say the least. But it was different for me in that I had already met and fallen in love with another man.
I have two grown up daughters and a (then) 13 year old.
Long story short I plucked up courage and told my other half and he left.
It's not been easy but I'm on the other side of the hill you're about to climb . I live with my new guy and youngest daughter and my girls have just about accepted him..(the eldest was the hardest hit). Life is too short, you only live once and all the other cliches. When I was where you are I trawler forums like this for peoples success stories, so I hope I've given you hope.

I haven’t done it but probably should have twenty years ago. You know what the trainer advert says... Just do it!