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Ignored when feeling ill

(48 Posts)
annep1 Sat 16-Mar-19 09:52:15

Felt nauseous Friday night at 1am. Asked husband to come in beside me and gave him eyemask so the light wouldn't annoy him. He lay down and closed his eyes.
After a while looked in bedside drawer for gaviscon and started to shake. Thought, this is panic attack (had one few weeks ago- first ever) so got paper bag went into hall and breathed in. Then went into other room did some slow counted breathing as recommended and started to feel better so I just stayed there. Rather than feel guilty for disturbing husband any further.. Nausea disappeared too. I told my husband next morning what had happened. He said Yes, I heard you rummaging about in the drawer. Glad you feel better.
Is it normal to ignore one's partner when they are feeling ill during the night. Am I being too sensitive?

annep1 Sat 16-Mar-19 23:10:39

Oh Chucky that is awful. My husband is very good during the day (as opposed to nights) bringing food and newspaper, cuppas etc. I can't fault him.
Unfortunately what you say is true for many. Women seem to be natural carers. Perhaps you could write a list of instructions for husband to follow if you are ill in bed.

Chucky Sat 16-Mar-19 22:50:03

Husband’s often do not appreciate their other half’s when they are ill. If my husband is unwell, I will check on him and ask him what he needs/would like. I will offer and take him drinks when he needs them, empty the vomit bowl and see that he is comfortable.
However, if I am ill, I am left alone, maybe checked on once during the day and have to ask if I need a drink. Then, around 4pm he will come upstairs and after asking me how I am, will ask what is for dinner! Once I felt nauseous in the middle of the night and knew I would be sick if I moved. I woke him up and asked him to get a bowl NOW, as I was going to be sick. Yes, he went and got me a bowl, but stopped off for the toilet before bringing it back, too late!!
If a man (well many of them, including mine) feels ill he goes to bed and forgets about everything except himself! If a woman is ill, she has to drag herself out of bed to look after the family!

petra Sat 16-Mar-19 22:37:06

I have to say mine is an angel if anything happens in the night. He always asks if I'm ok even if I've only been to the bathroom.

EllanVannin Sat 16-Mar-19 22:29:01

I really enjoyed the film but it was one of those you had to see from the beginning or you lost the gist of it. Also if you followed the other " exotic hotel " films you get a better idea of who's who.
Yes, the dancing, music and colours were something else.

Gonegirl Sat 16-Mar-19 22:13:16

The dancing is good. And the colours.

annep1 Sat 16-Mar-19 22:12:18

I'll have a look EV .

EllanVannin Sat 16-Mar-19 20:59:22

Anne this is what this forum is for, a jolly good moan smile No, you haven't depressed anyone at all.

My D usually goes to Liverpool with her friends for St Patricks night. Quite a few come over from Belfast for the celebrations.

I'm watching " The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel ". I love these series.

BlueBelle Sat 16-Mar-19 20:47:36

To be honest I think I d rather be alone than have a husband sleeping soundly at least you know where you stand, you ve just got to sort it out yourself
What a nasty thing to say CrazyH was that necessary ?

annep1 Sat 16-Mar-19 20:34:15

EV you don't sound like a crumbling wreck at all.. You are able to have your ggc. I am 68 and my daughter won't let me look after the grandsons! So you sound pretty good to me. ?
And yes BP does drop. You shouldn't get up suddenly.
I hope I haven't depressed you all. I sound like a right moan but I am not usually. My husband is playing a St Patricks night gig here in N Ireland. I am about to explore the tv. I hope you all have a good evening, sleep well and enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Farmor15 Sat 16-Mar-19 20:08:13

Grandparents can become ill when minding grandchildren but sometimes the children can be lifesavers:
www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/bravery-award-for-four-year-old-twins-who-saved-grandmother-1.3819486

Jalima1108 Sat 16-Mar-19 19:54:18

I once collapsed in the bathroom during the night, wondered where the hell I was when I came to!!
bikergran that happened to me too, I have no idea why. Luckily DH was here but he dialled 999 and I ended up being taken by ambulance to hospital, but nothing was found. I wonder if our blood pressure goes down at night, we trek to the bathroom and then could pass out?

Gonegirl Sat 16-Mar-19 19:15:39

EllanVannin same here. ?

EllanVannin Sat 16-Mar-19 18:20:50

Blimey, I sound like a crumbling wreck hahaha , but it could be the very time when you're looking after a child that things start going downhill and I'd rather not have the responsibility at such a time. Other than that I tootle along alright.

EllanVannin Sat 16-Mar-19 18:16:02

Bikergran I used to feel guilty that I couldn't always have my GGC to stay, but to be perfectly honest I'd be scared if I had some sort of " turn " and thankfully my GD realises this. It used to worry me at one time because you never know the minute as you get older and not as a 100% as you might be when you're in charge of a little one.

Gonegirl Sat 16-Mar-19 18:05:48

What brought that on crazyH ?

No, actually don't bother to tell us. Nobody's interested in your strange thoughts. hmm

EllanVannin Sat 16-Mar-19 18:03:23

I know you care Anne1, take no notice.

bikergran Sat 16-Mar-19 17:49:45

EllenVannin I echo that being on your own and feeling poorly is scary. (and also being in charge of little ones)My dh used to look after me so good if I was a bit off colour. Getting me a drink/tablets/hot water bottle nothing was too much trouble for him (and him being 20 yrs older than me)!

I once collapsed in the bathroom during the night, wondered where the hell I was when I came to!!

I though if only dh would have been here ...

annep1 Sat 16-Mar-19 17:30:19

EV we do care. Some people are annoying!

annep1 Sat 16-Mar-19 17:12:05

RosieLeah nothing like being straight! Lol.

I have a health condition which means I'm often awake alone in the middle of the night in pain. I wouldn't dream of disturbing him. That's the main reason we sleep alone.
However I can't say I'm never selfish. I'm sure we all are sometimes.?

EllanVannin Sat 16-Mar-19 16:56:38

Oh yes, Jalima, that's a bummer too ! That's happened to me.

Baggs Sat 16-Mar-19 16:47:12

Darning requires a concentration that I think it unreasonable to expect of one's partner in the middle of the night when one isn't seriously ill ?

Jalima1108 Sat 16-Mar-19 16:32:49

EV I know what it's like, have spent much time alone and in charge of small DC too.

Elegran Sat 16-Mar-19 16:32:17

And telling you that does not mean that "No-one cares a darn", so don't let crazyH's post get to you.

RosieLeah Sat 16-Mar-19 16:18:01

If you wake during the night in pain and obviously ill, you are perfectly justified in waking your partner and asking them to get the doctor. However, a nausea attack is not life-threatening and I think it's selfish to wake someone when you know there is nothing they can do.

annep1 Sat 16-Mar-19 16:17:43

What do you mean crazyH?