Future daughter In law

I do not understand the bit about flowers why would you get them ?

Still no response from the OP, I notice

Do what I did, smile grit your teeth then how nc. Involved with son and gc but not dil who is a selfish lying money grabbing madam. We have stopped giving our son any money as she spends it so not giving her any more. If wedding is on need to know basis then I would stick with not knowing, not paying. I would never have treated my in laws the way our dil treats us but then I was brought up to show respect and be polite. Thankfully my son shows her family respect. He is stuck in the middle so we make it as easy as we can by keeping away from her and her lies. I hope it improves for you but sadly I feel you have a clone of my dil so just distance yourself from the negativity

Think I would just give whatever I considered giving as a wedding present whether that be money, gift or 6000 cookies and bags! Is a whole town being supplied with them? Then I would have nothing to do with the wedding. You are being treated with awful disrespect, being ignored and basically being ordered about. A wedding joins two families usually but doesnt't seem to be in this case.

The only things you really have a right to know about are the things you're expected to pay for.

If you're not being told about those things, you have the right to say you won't pay for them.

Be careful that contributing to your sons wedding does not become a pay to play event
It is their wedding and if you want to contribute do so but let them plan and spend it their way
There are ways of saying you would like to be involved it is your sons wedding as well

Why are you paying anyway? Traditionally it’s the bride’s family who pay with welcome assistance from the groom’s if offered. We paid the lion’s share for each of our daughters. One Mother-in-Law volunteered to make the bride’s dress and we had fun going to try them on to see what suited before she made, and paid, for it. Lists of guests were drawn up meticulously, allowing the same number of guests on each side. Both bridegrooms paid for the church, choirboys, bells, cars, buttonholes, bridesmaid’s presents and corsages for the mothers and we paid for bridesmaids dresses, the reception, flowers in the church, the bridal bouquets. The other bride bought her own dress. It all seemed to work!

Mommie6 I think a sweet smile and simple 'No' should suffice for all future encounters and talk of money or 6000 COOKIES!!

I'm sorry your experience of being a MIL isn't a positive one, I agree with all those that have commented before - respect is a two way thing and needs to be earned ... and I wouldn't be handing over a penny without a little gratitude and understanding of the bigger picture!

I gave my son and daughter in law a lump sum (not a huge amount) to do what they wanted with it. I wasn’t involved in any of the wedding plans and neither my daughter or I were invited to the hen party. It lasted 5 yrs they are divorced now.
When my daughter married I did exactly the same, they put it towards a house and paid for the wedding themselves. They involved me the from beginning to the end. The only thing I was asked to do was write the names on the place settings as I am good at calligraphy.

Don't keep calm !

We had the same experience with my husbands daughter when she got married, the grooms family were very stand offish, never spoke to us, we had all kinds of upsets from his daughter about how they were overpowering her, his mother was making all the demands. We stepped in and supported her through all the arrangements and did our best, when it came to wedding day you could cut the air with a knife, his lot were very unfriendly and we were out on a limb. My husband sat at the head table with his daughter and I was placed at a table with my back to them next to some stranger. Her mother took over although not been in her daughters life for years. We were very shocked at how we were treated and just stayed cool so as not to spoil the day. Having spent months organising the wedding we were now given the cold shoulder, his daughter had gone cold was very rude to us on the day and I did not even get a thank you from her.

We visited them after the wedding hoping all would be well and we had the cold reception from his daughter, still cannot work out what was wrong. then finally a huge fall out and row and a 5 page email from her husband telling us how she has suffered and him telling us what terrible parents we are etc etc abusive was mentioned and that from now on his wonderful mother will be taking her on as her daughter. well quite frankly she is welcome. I feel used and betrayed, have now cut them out of my life and will not have them in my home. I feel her husband caused the trouble so he can control her, no one likes him and quite frankly they are off my xmas list. It will not end at the wedding it will get a lot worse.

Bluebelle
6000 cookies, that’s a lot of people showing up
Perhaps they're having cookies and champagne for the reception.
I could eat six if I was that hungry and there was nothing else on offer.

My suggestion would be get all your friends together and have a massive cookie party,everyone bring a bottle of wine,
and try to have fun with it!But seriously it's not humanly possible for you to cook that many in a normal oven (without going crazy.)Maybe go to a local baker explain the situation and get a price and then that can can be your wedding contribution-----the whole thing is insane weddings seem to have got completely out of control.Anyway buy yourself a lovely outfit and order a corsage and the very best of luck we all feel for you.You could get the bags from China town or the dollar store.

OP has not reacted to any posts so not sure if genuine. If it is then Mommie6 tell your son to grow a pair and keep you involved.

Urmstongran

Agree

Smile sweetly

Talk politely saying very little

Don't drink - let other's make fools of themselves or do/say things they regret.

Smile sweetly again whilst saying hello to everyone!

I was invited to son's wedding 5 days before the event and managed to do all the above and still, top this day, feel immensely proud of myself! Nothing like it.

MIL and hubby were in on everything - arrangements the lot and there she was in full regalia...

I smiled sweetly, watched, chatted briefly to guests and danced to the music. Very confidence building.

I had no hubby protection either but at the end DS thanked me for coming then I walked home!

Our sons are all married and it was never once suggested that we pay for anything, nor did we expect to. We did give a gift of money, but all we had to do was turn up on the day.

Mommie6, this sounds horrendous. I would be asking my son if this is really what he wants..

@Mommie6

That's how it goes I'm afraid-
I still have nightmares about my Sons wedding I had no say in any of it and I missed some events due to no communication

It is ALL about the bride AND HER family

Given the rudeness, I'm afraid I wouldn't be giving any money or baking any cookies. Leave 'em to it!

We gave quite a lot of money to DS's wedding as we were able to and her family were not. We were included in everything and even asked if we wanted more involvement. The only thing I said yes to was the cake tasting!! Her family were very appreciative of our input so we were very happy.

If it were me I think I would say if you don't include me in the arrangement I don't pay anything. You are entitled to know what's happening at your son's wedding. How does he feel about this? Has he said anything? Or does he just let everyone get on with it?

Bbbface

I point blank do not believe that was said to you.

Really??
Crumbs!
Cookie crumbs!

icanhandthemback. Yesss! ?

Icanhandthemback ?

Give Mommie6 a chance to reply. She might not be getting notifications, be in a different time zone or just be very busy baking!