Future daughter In law

I'm guessing that the bride and her mother are from a different culture?

Mommie6 are you UK based?

Not really liking the sound of this................

Oh dear, I had some similar problems with my DD MiL we were not allowed to have a list if names and addresses to send invites to their friends and family even though DH and I were paying for it all. SiL had to take a pile of invites to his mum to write
I sympathise, but don't really have any advise. I think phoenix may be right.

call a family meeting and suggest if they want you to pay then they need to give you choices or no money coming from you - sorry but i dont think this is a good attitude whichever culture it is from - it is verging on abusive from your description xx

Welcome mommie6 if you are new.

6000 cookies??????? Crikey!!!!

I cant offer any advice as its so far from expectations - good luck !!!

^ her mother informed me to make 6000 cookies and don’t forget the bags^
What kind of cookies? Choc chip?
Do you have a recipe please?
How do you keep the first ones fresh because this could take a while to bake that many.

What kind of bags - are you using cellophane? Do you have to tie up with special ribbon with keepsake little tags?

Please let us know in case any of us have to do this in future.

The mother son dance.

My son never asked me to dance at his nuptials! I shall be having strong words with him when I see him next.

How do I keep calm. Without showing hurtful feelings.
The fixed smile, works in all kinds of situations.
Keep practising

Stop paying for anything!! You owe them nothing. This is not your wedding and you should not be treated like this.
If they speak to you in such a disrespectful way go for
“DIL did you mean to be so rude?”

I'm sorry but if someone told me "you don't need to know" then I'd tell them " So I don't need to pay ".

This is so rude ! Is your son OK with the way she is talking to you ? If so I'd be telling both of them that you'll pay what you want to, if and when you are included in the planning.

Welcome mommie6 if you are new.
Yes, kittylester I think this is mommie6's first post, so welcome mommie6 and good luck.

Ooooo something similar happened at a relatives wedding a couple of years ago. Turns out it was all for show by a very manipulative female and a bullied male and the marriage only lasted just over a year.

Not before loads of money was spent by the groom’s family for the big do she wanted.

I hear she’s engaged again. ?
I think she likes the taste of wedding cake and the smell of money. ?

Weddings!
?

Stressful occasions.
Smile.
Say as little as possible.

Good luck
X

I think she likes the taste of wedding cake
In this instance they must like cookies

Well well a new poster with a daughter in law problem ? Even before the marriage
Welcome Mommie6 for this scenario in USA?
6000 cookies, that’s a lot of people showing up
Mother and son dance, never had that one, my son only danced with his wife
Ummm

Sounds like Mommie6 is SouthAmerican, the 'cookies', the mother/son dance? BIG WEDDING !! Who has 6000 cookies....I'm trying to work it out....6000 cookies @ 2 /3 pp....minimum 2000 guests. Only in places like S America, India etc do they have such big weddings.
Sorry, I'm being flippant....welcome Mommie6, tell us more.
My daughter-in-law's parents footed the Bill... I just made a minuscule contribution but bought the couple sone very nice gifts.

We were rather traditional and paid some of, not all of DDs wedding but nothing for our DSs. We paid towards their honeymoon which seemed enough. The couple paid for it themselves. The DGMs made the cakes and did the flowers.
Sounds like we got off lightly

I think you should put your foot down and make it clear that if they want you to pay, then they have to include you in plans.

Oh dear .. weddings... this is why I hate them. Only one of my DSs was married and it was to a lovely girl who included me and I even went on the hen night. It was a lovely day and I paid for nothing (except for my own outfit which was the most expensive thing I have ever bought) but I did pay for the honeymoon. I did dance with DS even though never before or since. Despite this the marriage only lasted 4 years.

All DSs are now on their second partners and I hope they are strong enough never to need weddings. I don't care if they quietly get married but just not with a wedding.

I also find the thought of them stressful Grandma2213
My niece is getting married soon and even my usually laid back brother is affected and rather tense.
But no no no Mommie6 you do not need to bake thousands of cookies or pay mountains of cash. Why would you?
As others have said, just smile.

I just can't believe some people. With DS1, before any details were arranged, bride, bride's mum and I (groom's mum) sat down together and shared out the duties. We said we'd just keep all the receipts and divvie everything between the three of us (bride and groom, her parents and us). Her parents paid for the dress, the rest we split three ways.

DS2 didn't want anyone there at all. In the end 13 of us turned up. No rings, no flowers, no dresses (DS2 was barefoot as usual). Nice meal afterwards, the bride's father picked up the tab.

OP, I wouldn't know what to do in your situation. I would definitely tell your son your thoughts and hope the wedding gets called off. If your Dil-to-be is a nice girl really, perhaps she is being pushed by her family? No hope of confronting the mother, is there?

I agree with Stella if I'm not to be included in the plans then I'm not funding the wedding either.

6000 cookies ??

I’m finding this a bit hard to swallow.

Yes, simple.

Just say ‘no’. If you find that hard just make yourself uncontactable.

Personally if this had happened to me as you say I’d think it was a wind up.

This is such OTT blatant rudeness and disrespect so it does not bode well for a long and happy marriage. Any man who would sit back and allow his parents to be treated this way, deserves what’s coming his way with this harridan of a wife and her family, who clearly endorse her behaviour.