Don't know what to make of this

Just whose big birthday is it! Yours and as birthday girl you should get to choose. You wanted a weekend in London with your family and not only have you organised it but you are paying for it which as you are on a limited budget is very generous.
Did you want to have a drop in party for all friends and neighbours and presumably family as this will mean a lot of extra work? If you do then I think it is perfectly fair to say you can only do it if someone else pays for it does the hard work and helps clear up afterwards.

Agree with 4allweknow, there's a limit to how much celebration one birthday needs!

I wouldn't go to any further expense then your weekend away. If your family want to bear the expense of a further celebration that's fine. It's up to them.

Maybe they prefered having the party at your home rather than going to London.

I would ring them both , or speak face to face if possible , because messages are sometime misinterpreted as there is no speech inflection and it can come across a bit differently to the way you meant .

65th not 6th! How I wish!!!!

I agree with you GrannyH. You've paid for a weekend away in London, (expensive where-ever you stay!). A large party on top is just anot her huge expense - one option though might be a tea and cake afternoon/early evening. They provide cake, dropped off before hand, and you provide tea and coffee. Simple, stress free and still a celebration.
For my 6th this year I'm taking my gc on a GoApe session in our local centre,, and I'll be taking part! (All rope slide, bridges etc!) My SiL has already ducked out, he's done it once, never again! Then we'll gorq out for dinner somewhere.
On my actual birthday they'll be in Bulgaria so I'm going on a day trip with my S and BiL, and breakfast lunch with my BF. No big party.

Have a lovely time in London and don't worry about your friends and relatives, but if pushed do what Not Spaghetti suggests.
Congratulations on your big birthday.

I am having a big birthday this year and have decided to go on holiday with DH. I am the mother of sons so hate the anticipation only to find no one visits. Cards if there are any usually arrive late. I won't see any of them tomorrow as they are all visiting in laws as it's mothering sunday.

Don’t fret about this, enjoy your weekend in London. I think you were open and honest and if the DiL’s don’t like it, that’s their issue not yours. Don’t let this spoil your birthday. Happy birthday!

I can't see why they are put out , I have never paid for my own birthday party , and we have had several ................ I hate parties anyway

Maybe they're miffed because you asked if they could pay. I think I would be in theirl shoes.
I'd have probably have just said that it was a nice idea but I couldn't afford it.

Have a lovely weekend away and dont worry about anything else.

Just how much celebrating of a birthday is needed. The weekend away with family is more than enough expense for you.what you have said about the walk in is not in the least unreasonable.

I have a big birthday this year. Not happy about it but it’s preferable to the alternative! I’ll be celebrating with a family meal with AC and GC at our favourite restaurant.
Your family weekend sounds a lovely thing to do. Your family are very lucky. Have a great time.

Sounds like a lot of work and extra expense to me. I think I would just stick with the weekend away.
Your pot luck party is a good idea Notspaghetti but still involves work and a certain amount of expense.
Enjoy your birthday and weekend in London CrazyH

Could you suggest a “pot luck” party?
So much easier, everyone brings something to share.
My daughter has decided to do this for her birthday this year as all her close friends and most of the family are really busy/ re-doing kitchens / pregnant / just had a baby etc and she herself has only just moved house (no spare cash). Everyone will bring something.
It’s an open house afternoon.

Thanks for the flowers Smileless....how are things with you?

Thankyou all !! Xx

August Namsnanny ...Thankyou xx

Sounds a well meaning but un thought out suggestion from your daughter in law crazy. The financial implications probably didn’t occur to her. You were honest, good for you. I’m sure no harm has been done. Just enjoy your family weekend, a lovely thing to do.

As glammanana says, the few open house (walk in?) parties we've had have been really hard work!

Have a happy birthday and a great weekend, when is it?

Whilst its a nice thought from your DIL I would be happy with the week-end in London,open house parties never seem to work out very well imo,you will need to be topping up the catering constantly as and when guests come and go,unless you keep to a specific timeline say 3pm-6pm you are going to be exhausted being the hostess with the mostess.

I don’t see anything wrong with what you’ve said. And to be honest after forking our for everyone to go to London I’d be more than happy to help pay towards a house party! It wouldn’t need to be expensive. They could easily get some nibbles together between them and they could ask that guests bring a bottle.

It sounds completely unnecessary to me if the daughter in laws were going to pay for it I m sure they would have either done it as a surprise party or said ‘were doing a party for you (afraid I’ve never heard of a ‘walk in’ party) who shall we invite?’
Why should you spend all that money on a weekend and then pay for a party as well, sounds like madness unless you’re got loads and loads of money (and you say you haven’t) Stick to your guns tell them it’s a great idea and maybe you ll do that for next big birthday but this time you’ve chosen a family do
Have a great birthday

I see. Oh yes, I'd play it by ear at this stage.