Do you have many friends?

Addendum - I would not be friendly to someone who calls me 'Granny' and yes I do realise this is Gransnet.

I have a lot of acquaintances but only a few close friends. My good friend unfortunately had an illness which has left her cognitively impaired but we can still share some memories of the past. I was an only child and am quite self sufficient now, if all else fails I can talk to my dogs.

I have many acquaintances, we have a busy social life, but in truth I don't consider them friends, even though I have known some of them for 20 years. I judge someone to be my friend if I would be willing to tell them anything, and all those people I see from day to day would not come in to that category.

I consider that I have 2 best friends and that is my Husband and my Daughter. They are the people I would prefer to spend my time with more than anyone.

To the outside world I look like I have loads of friends!

Sara I did have a reply from my youngest sister, I had told her I thought of her on her birthday, she replied she had thought of me and the letter I wrote her on her 60th birthday, I had told her all that happened in the family the day she was born, how excited we were. Then silence sgain so I have to accept it but so hard after over 60 years

My best and oldest friends all live hours away as I have moved around and they haven't. I did have a close friend here - actually had two but discovered one was only using me for her own ends so we'll discount her. The other was a lady who was like a very special Aunt, older than me by twenty years or so, but we were on the same level, age made no difference. We spoke several times a week, had time together shopping, gardening, baking, laughing and sometimes crying too. Hers was the house - a delightful 100 year old cottage - I went to when I needed a respite from two teenage boys. She lived only 15 minutes drive away luckily. When she died of cancer many years ago, I was bereft, it was like losing my Mum all over again in a way. I would love to have a friend like her again, but being asocial, not being a joiner-in, there's little chance of that. Not that she can be replicated, and I consider my husband my best friend, but it's not the same as a close female friend is it?

I have a few friends, but lost a few along the way, maybe my own fault! I have a horse riding mate ( we have horses in a livery yard together) I have a gym buddy friend who lives by me, and a daughter and SIL, and that’s it, sometimes I feel lonely ☹️. I work alone in an office part time, but now I’m looking to volunteer which hopefully will bring a few more friends ?

I admit, I’m not good at those get togethers, when one of my children was at school, the mothers got together for lunch and a chat once a month, more like lunch and a bitch! Went to great lengths to get out of them, they probably had a good bitch about me then!

I like my friends in ones or twos!

No I don’t have any.
But that’s my choice as I’m quite anti social and get bored of people very quickly. Plus I found all the meeting up really tiresome. I’m a useless friend
I don’t need people I suppose?

I don’t have any friends at all ( in real life ). I do miss having someone to share a problem with or go shopping . I have worked in an all male environment for almost 30 years which doesn’t help .

I did have a couple of “friends” years ago but found out eventually they weren’t really friends at all and each were using me as a kind of stop gap when one of them wasn’t available . I also realised that they both seemed to enjoy comparing their seemingly “perfect” lives, exotic holidays and homes with my not so wonderful situation . I just stopped being available and never saw either of them again.

Grany
Sorry I didn't make that clear. I grew up in woolwich.
Opposite what was known as the 2nd Arsenal gate.

Well I really hope she does, but if she doesn’t it’s her loss, you sound like you are a lovely sister

Not yet Sarah

Did she respond to your email Annie ?

Sara have emailed youngest sister to tell her I was thinking of her on her birthday Thursday. I am 12 years older than her and when she was 2 our mother was very ill so I took care of youngest sister

Oh Annie, why don’t you drop her an email, the worst she can do is ignore it, it’s obvious you would want to protect your daughter from Facebook scrutiny, your nephew seems very insensitive, it just seems so sad for you to be alone, when your sisters are out there

Sara I don’t think there is after two years , I really don’t understand them, I am the eldest of five, have always been there for then, at different times in their lives two lived with me, one when her marriage was breaking down, one when she was homesick living away nursing and wanted to come home. And I am not a bossy older sister. I do know when my daughter was very ill I had a disagreement with a nephew for talking about my daughter on Facebook, I asked him to stop and leave my darling daughter her dignity. He was angry and I know he said some lies about me, I asked one sister why did she believe him, she texted and said ‘why would he lie ‘, this is a man who has cheated on two wives and two partners ! I asked her why she didn’t even contact me when my daughter died, her reply ? ‘I had my own grief to deal with ‘.

I so want to contact one sister but she had a heart bypass last year and I am too afraid to even email and say ‘hello’ it could upset her.

I have accepted things now but I do miss them so much.

I’ve had my eyes opened these last three years. I’ve always jumped to support and help my family and friends in times of trouble. Since my DiL was diagnosed with terminal cancer many of them not only haven’t offered any kind of support but have almost disappeared off the radar. The one friend who I hadn’t expected support from was in my house within hours and has been wonderful. I don’t know what I would have done without my sister. I’ve pondered why this is and I think it’s that they can’t cope with the upset and distress. To all of us that this has happened to remember it’s them not you. It hurt at first but not now, of course the friendships may rekindle in the future and that’ll be lovely but I won’t forget.

Annie, that’s really sad, is there no way forward with your sisters?

2017 was a year when I lost much, my sisters stopped speaking to me, a close friend developed a serious illness , another retired and moved away. I moved house and didn’t know anyone in this part of town, my darling daughter who was my dearest friend died. Suddenly I was alone . Still am.

I've got a few close friends and lots of acquaintances. I was part of a foursome at school and am still in touch, we meet about once a year and sometimes message.

I think it's hard to make friends as you get older, people settle into what they know, they don't have space or time or the energy for new relationships.

I think England (as opposed to the wider UK) is problematic, people are quite closed and you never quite know what they are thinking. I grew up in an Irish family and have the Irish way of being willing to talk to anyone about anything. I've noticed that English people find this difficult. I love being with Americans and Australians/New Zealanders because they have the same outgoing way as me.

I go to lots of groups, WI, U3A, cycling, walking, yoga, skittles, art but even so, I do feel lonely quite a lot of the time even though I also sometimes like to spend time by myself. I've got a silent husband who tends to shut himself away with his own things or activities. Perhaps that's why I feel lonely, they do say that a lonely marriage is worse than being on your own. That might be true.

I try to stay positive and be kind. Thanks for starting this thread, it's an interesting read.

silverlining You said it for me

Overall, I don't make friends easily - I have lots of acquaintances but don't really like the company of a lot of women

On another thread I mentioned that I was a 'sociable loner' - I can get on with all manner of people and do,
but close friends? No, not really.

Very few real friends sadly so many have died in the past few years . How I wish I had siblings especially my twin sister who was stillborn . My life would have been so different .

petra Did you live in Cornwall or Woolwich? I am getting used to being here as a good bus service and trains. I used to live in a village in the countryside, though there was not many busses. I have my freedom Pass London means free bus, train travel within London. We have Cross Rail opening fairly soon here.

Looking forward to a cultural district opening here next year making use of old buildings in the Royal Arsenal. Some of the buildings have already been turned into very nice posh pubs eateries.

Grany
That must have been a culture shock: Cornwall - Woolwich.
I lived there from 1946- 1966.

Up until about the last ten years, I had plenty of friends, we socialised a lot, and always had a house full of people.

We’ve had several couples move away, one abroad, sadly a couple have died, one of my dearest friends, I had a falling out with over something stupid, but there’s no going back from it, I miss her all the time. I’m now down to one very good friend and a handful of b list friends! But actually that’s fine now, because I’ve become fonder of my peace and quiet as I’ve gotten older

I’ve also been married for over 40 years, so as long as I’m married, I’ll always have another best friend