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Assuming I will pick them up?

(48 Posts)
gigi1958 Mon 15-Apr-19 01:21:23

So my 2 sisters are planning a trip to Greece we live in the States. We are Greek and I have never been and they are going with some college roommates. My one sister whom was invited and I have never been. They are going to visit with some cousins and go back to the village my Dad came from.

I was not extended an invitation to go on this trip. I would have never gone had I been invited but I feel a bit hurt I was not invited.

And when the trip looked like it was getting canceled my one sister asked me to go with her and my other sister. I felt a bit like a last minute choice.

So my one sister calls me tonight all excited saying they booked their flights. Then she says that my brother in law will be taking them to the airport 2.5 hours away. Then she proceeded to ask me if I would pick her up. She does not want to pay for parking at the airport etc. I said maybe maybe not and I was honest and said I felt slighted for not being asked to go which she knew. She assumed that I would drop everything and pick her up at the airport.

My sister can be less than fun to be around and I cant' imagine her mood after traveling for close to 12-18 hours and being stuck in the car with her for 2-3 hours

Am I being ugly or am I just setting a boundary.

Apricity Mon 15-Apr-19 02:10:01

Her trip, her responsibility to sort out her own arrangements for getting to and from her home and the airport. It's just a normal part of travelling. If you don't want to pick her up, don't. It's not necessary to provide an explanation just a simple, "No, it's not convenient." Try to separate the other conflicting emotions about your sisters' planned trip to Greece and the matter of airport transport.

BradfordLass72 Mon 15-Apr-19 02:13:19

Θερμούς χαιρετισμούς
You're being very human. smile I had to laugh when you said you wanted to be invited but wouldn't have gone had you been asked.
My Mom used to say, "But I wanted the satisfaction of refusing!"

And maybe you gave your sisters that impression from the beginning - that you'd refuse - which is why they didn't ask you.

As for picking them up at the airport, possibly you'd have done that gladly if they'd included you in the first place and you'd 'had the satisfaction of refusing'?
Only now, you feel you're being used.

Family shenanagins are always like this - you take the rough with the smooth.

Why don't you plan your own trip to Greece, on a package or with a friend you enjoy? It's your heritage and I'm sure you'd enjoy looking at the family home. flowers

mumofmadboys Mon 15-Apr-19 07:09:43

Why not agree to pick her up to keep the peace? It is not worth a major fallout in my opinion.

Urmstongran Mon 15-Apr-19 07:43:26

Whilst I agree on one level with mumofmadboys as it keeps the peace with family, I do admire Apricity’s advice. I wish I could be more like that. I’m mostly a people pleaser so I find it hard. I’m going to practice that wonderful phrase ‘no, it’s not convenient’! I love that it doesn’t waffle (or even explain why). Does it actually work? What if the asker of the favour then says ‘oh why not what are you doing then?*. I’d be stuck!! Is there a follow on statement?

By the way Apricity I love the name. Wonder how you chose it? I shall Google the word now ....
😊

Anja Mon 15-Apr-19 07:43:43

For heavens sake stop sulking and help your sister out by picking her up.

Urmstongran Mon 15-Apr-19 07:49:41

Checked with Urban Dictionary. ‘The sun’s warmth in winter’ for anyone who might not know yet be interested. From the 17th century.

I’ve never come across the word, in a book (I read a lot too) nor spoken. You learn something every day! Well I do ...
😊

sodapop Mon 15-Apr-19 08:35:44

My first reaction would be the same as yours gigi I would feel pissed jarred off.
On reflection though I think it would be better to help out.
Bradfordlass had a good idea about planning your own trip to Greece.

Apricity Mon 15-Apr-19 09:15:14

Thank you Urmstongran,. Yes that is why I chose the name. The warmth of the sun in winter is the way I feel about this stage of my life. 🌞

FarNorth Mon 15-Apr-19 09:23:40

If you weren't feeling slighted about not being invited, would you do the pick-up?

If yes, do it. If no, don't do it.

Gonegirl Mon 15-Apr-19 09:28:59

You actually said the words "maybe, maybe not"?

Wow! Says a lot. hmm

Auntieflo Mon 15-Apr-19 09:40:25

Slightly off subject, but picking someone up from the airport, would be my idea of a nightmare. Even when I am being driven home, I always wonder how on earth do they know which way to go? Which lane etc? I would need large signposts saying “ This way to ——— Rd”. or somesuch!
So, to answer the OP question, no, I wouldn’t/ couldn’t do it.

Witzend Mon 15-Apr-19 09:49:27

Other matters aside, OP, if you've never been, do give Greece a go! I'm sure you'd enjoy it. Dh and I absolutely love it - the Peloponnese (sp?) being a favourite and very beautiful, scenic area. And of course loads of ancient history, if you're at all into that - I know not everybody is.

As some wag put it, 'The Greeks produce more history than they can consume locally,' - or words to that effect.

FlexibleFriend Mon 15-Apr-19 10:01:57

If she can afford a trip to Greece she can afford a taxi from the airport. I have never asked anyone to pick me up from the airport, it's all part of your travel costs.

MamaCaz Mon 15-Apr-19 10:04:56

Same here, Auntieflo

NotSpaghetti Mon 15-Apr-19 10:28:05

I would pick her up if I wasn't working. I think it would be a kind gesture as you were asked when it turned into a "sisters trip".
I would try to do it with a happy heart and share their discoveries with them on their return.
Of course, as others have said it's a bit cheeky not sorting themselves out but I don't think it's worth a falling out.

Apricity Mon 15-Apr-19 10:33:50

Urmstongran, I forgot to add that the follow up to, "No, it's not convenient" is "No, it's not convenient". You do not have to justify, explain why you do or do not want to do something or offer excuses. You have the right to say 'no' without being made to feel guilty or obligated. A request was made, was duly considered and has been politely declined. End of conversation. Deep breath, walk away or put down the phone. It's very empowering.

Theoddbird Mon 15-Apr-19 10:37:38

I don't think I would. If I was not suitable for the trip why would I be suitable as a taxi? Oh and I will a new word come next winter smile

silverlining48 Mon 15-Apr-19 10:39:57

I have just finished, only this morning, a wonderful book about Crete, Greece and having a connection with the country as you do, i would definitely want to visit. If not with sisters with a partner or friend. These are your roots.
I have visited the town in another country where my mother was born and found it both interesting and emotional.

Re airport pick up ....? Up to you. If it were me I think I might find a good excuse not to. Feels a bit mean though but not unreasonable. It’s a 6 hour round trip! Bon chance.

HazelGreen Mon 15-Apr-19 10:40:26

Is there some compromise re the pick up? After many years of being the extended family's taxi, (few drivers in family including husband sad ), we now have a decent aircoach service that comes within a mile of our house. It is certainly quicker than time the it would take me to get to airport and return not including hassle/cost of parking and horrid traffic.
Mobile phones make easy job of pick up and buses every 20 minutes.

dianne2265 Mon 15-Apr-19 10:46:11

I would not do the pick up. I maybe being petty but if I am not good enough to take on the trip I feel I would not be good enough to be the taxi driver on the way back. Especially in view of the distance.

jaylucy Mon 15-Apr-19 10:50:03

Suggest you organise a trip for yourself and immediate family to Greece asap.
Your sister may have not originally asked you to go for several reasons - maybe she thought that you had other commitments that would make it difficult for you to go ? Maybe she has always got on better or felt more of a connection with the sister she did ask (it happens)?
If you don't want to pick her up from the airport, don't - you only have say that you can't afford to drive all of that way with the cost of the fuel, parking etc (obviously didn't enter her head) and recommend an airport transfer/ taxi company that could do it instead - but why is her husband not picking her up? Or someone connected with your other sister ?

GabriellaG54 Mon 15-Apr-19 10:55:32

Urmstongran
If the asker of the favour asks 'Why not...what are you doing then?' my answer would be 'Not a lot but then, that's my choice'. grin
If you ask a favour there are two answers. YES and NO.
The asker has to be prepared for either response.
I never give reasons as it doesn't alter the answer.

Shalene777 Mon 15-Apr-19 11:26:03

I don't think you should pick your sister up from the airport, you have said she is often not FUN to be around. Why can't she go home with the other sister? Can't she give her a lift? Just remember if you do give her a lift that is a 5 hour total of you being on the road and 2.5 hrs of listening to her talk about her holiday. That will feel like she is bragging to you and hurt as much, even though she may not be doing it on purpose. Never mind being the bigger person and doing the right thing, so what YOU want.

grandtanteJE65 Mon 15-Apr-19 11:49:32

Warmth was in daily use in Scotland in my childhood. I just can't believe you never have heard it Urmstongran.

Think we're on the wrong thread here, somehow.

MawBroonsback Mon 15-Apr-19 11:57:40

I thought Urmstongran was talking about “Apricity” ?

Annaram1 Mon 15-Apr-19 11:59:59

gigil, she is your sister and you don't want to fall out with her, If you agree to drive her, could you stay overnight at her place so you don't have to drive all that way twice? You told her you felt slighted. What did she say to that? You have been honest, which is good. Frankly. having already told her how you feel, the situation is probably already resolved and she will have to arrange other transport.
I hope you get to go to Greece with other family members,

anitamp1 Mon 15-Apr-19 12:30:13

Two separate issues here. You were upset at not being asked, even though you would not have gone. If she knew you wouldn't go, for whatever reason, then I don't really see why she needed to invite you. So can't really see your grievance here.
As for picking her up. If you dont want to do it, but dont want to fall out with her, it's not difficult to make the excuse of an alternative committment/appointment. Or simply say you dont feel able to drive 5 or 6 hours in one day.

Quickdraw Mon 15-Apr-19 12:30:59

Apricity I just wanted to say that I also like your name. I like the sound of it, the meaning of it and the positive sentiment behind it actually brought a tear to my eye. Sorry if that sounds a bit mushy. I never thought about this stage of life quite in that way so thankyou ☺

Maggiemaybe Mon 15-Apr-19 13:38:50

A 5/6 hour round trip? I wouldn’t do that for anyone, nor would I ask anyone to do it for me. That’s what airport trains, buses and taxis are for.

No, it’s not convenient is the perfect reply.

00mam00 Mon 15-Apr-19 13:57:44

Gigi, I think your sister is being a bit thick skinned to ask you to pick her up, when you have already told her you were upset at not being asked to go in the first place.

No, is the only answer, either that it is not convenient or that you simply are not up to such a long drive.

Urmstongran Mon 15-Apr-19 16:54:41

Thank you Apricity for clarifying the next step! I will definitely try it this summer and let you know how I get on. I love the idea of sticking to my guns and feeling empowered. In theory.
😊
However if you are a wuss (or a people pleaser) like me, it’s a big step!

Urmstongran Mon 15-Apr-19 17:03:32

Oh god GG54 that’s way too big a step for a timid mouse (me) to take. I just couldn’t say that sentence! I’m having a palpitation even thinking about uttering those words.
😱😱

I do sometimes wonder - what makes some people brave and others not?

Apricity Mon 15-Apr-19 19:25:25

Urmstongran, maybe we could start a new thread called 'The Mouse that Roared' (I think it was the title of an old film) about that very question. 🐭

Urmstongran Mon 15-Apr-19 20:11:20

Yes do!

quizqueen Mon 15-Apr-19 20:20:57

Your sister doesn't want to park for airport parking but she expects you to drive for hours to pick her up and pay for petrol for the pleasure of doing it. I think you know the answer to that. Tell her to get a National Express coach.

quizqueen Mon 15-Apr-19 20:21:23

Sorry, pay for parking.

sharon103 Mon 15-Apr-19 21:40:43

Agree Apricity and GabriellaG54 no means no and no-one should have to give an explanation. The more you keep saying yes to people the more you get put on in my experience. I've got older and wiser. grin

Apricity Mon 15-Apr-19 22:36:58

Urmstongran, it is done. I have started a new thread on this issue called 'The mouse that roared.' This is for you. 💐

Chewbacca Mon 15-Apr-19 22:44:05

No chance I'd take her. That's what taxis were invented for. You could help by giving her a telephone number for a taxi company that specialises in airport runs though.

willa45 Tue 16-Apr-19 01:03:16

To expect an airport pickup two and a half hours away is a huge imposition considering you have to drive all the way there and back. Just saying.....

gigi1958 Tue 16-Apr-19 01:04:15

Thank you all for the responses I am sticking to my guns this time and saying a firm NO.

And yes I probably would have picked her up had I been invited from the get go however I was not.

So not good enough to travel with not good enough to drive to airports!
I will put it nicely though and just say it's a lot to ask and they should consider just paying for parking.

In my family they will be pissed off at me for weeks or bring it up and throw it back at me no doubt but you know what too bad for them.
I love my sister even like them but sometimes they have -0- sensitivity and they do take advantage of me.
Thank you all for letting me vent and rant!

Lilyflower Tue 16-Apr-19 08:37:05

I do not understand why people think it is OK to ask others to pick up and drop from airports as if they were a taxi service. Just say no.

I live about twenty miles from Heathrow which is a nightmare journey at the best of times and the pits of hell at rush hour. I remember one relative (who doesn't even like me) dropping serious hints about wanting a lift to Heathrow at five in the morning when I had a teaching day in front of me.

I replied that, as we were technically near the air hub there were many taxi services doing a cheap and efficient airport drop off. The icy silence which greeted this cheery advice has lasted has lasted over a decade.

FarNorth Tue 16-Apr-19 12:50:22

People who 'throw it back' at you are being bullies.
Don't let it bother you.

gigi1958 Tue 16-Apr-19 15:36:03

Well I just tossed an email to my other sister telling her I will not be picking anyone up and that if they could afford a trip to Greece why cant't they afford parking at the airport?

FarNorth and Lilyflower, I am sure this will be thrown back at me and I will remember it is them being bullies.

I think I should plan a trip to Greece but with my son and on one else. He would be the coolest person ever to travel with!

silverlining48 Tue 16-Apr-19 16:39:08

I think you should go to Greece gigi with your son who also has those same roots. It would be one to remember for sure.

gigi1958 Fri 19-Apr-19 00:33:01

Thank you all again for your kind and thoughtful responses!!!
This is a lovely group I am glad I found you!

Starlady Sat 20-Apr-19 00:32:41

I'm glad you found us, too, Gigi! Good for you for sticking to your guns! Too bad for them if they throw it back at you! You could just as easily throw back at them that they didn't originally invite you on the trip, and it was nerve to them turn around and ask you to be their taxi service! Or if you think that will just lead to a fight, then maybe just assert that you're not a taxi service. If they argue just keep restating it and change the topic.

Hope you do take that trip with your ds! Greece has such a great heritage - birthplace of democracy and all that - and so much beauty! And it's part of your and ds' history. So again, I hope you two go and enjoy!