Sorry to vent here - am in despair

I really sympathise. It is an impossible situation with the support currently available.
Depending on where you live, it is very difficult to get a medical team to section anyone. The Police seem more willing but they can only do it if people cause trouble outside the home. If you have any dealings with the police make sure you talk about her mental health issues and not the alcoholic side.
Nowadays the whole emphasis is on respecting people's right to make their own decisions which means that they have to ask for help which is ridiculous as if they could or would do that, they would not be so ill.
My neighbour's mother threw her out when she was 17 as she could not cope with her although she clearly cares for her daughter. You can't cope with what you can't cope with. Nothing will change that and it is not as if you haven't tried and you shouldn't feel guilty. People think they can imagine what it is like but they really can't until they have someone swearing at them, being thuggish men into the building, and throwing things at their windows.
Thankfully, she is in hospital now after smashing out her windows so we have a bit of a rest from it but she will be back. We are lucky in that the police are very involved with her even if the medical side is not so good and they persuaded her to go into hospital. What annoys me is that we know that she is escalating but there is nothing we can do until a crisis is reached.
Although asylums were overused and misused, the functioning alternative has not been found.
There seems to be virtually no supported living available for people with mental illness. It is all for people with learning difficulties.
I doubt whether it really is your daughter's choice although I understand why you feel that. It is not unusual for people with mental illness to take drugs or drink and it can be a bit of a chicken and egg situation.
After being sectioned my neighbour was sent to a place for people with mental illness and anti social behaviour but she checked herself out and came back worse than when she went away, save that she did stop using her flat as a brothel (a phase we went through) and brought fewer undesirables home.
If you google 'mental health support groups for families', there are quite a few which might have more practical support than you can find here. At the very least you should be able to find people going through similar things.
I wish you well but I suspect you may have to step away and enforce any boundaries, calling the police if necessary. If you do try to preserve, it may be worth talking to the community police team. They vary, but they do see it from the point of view of people having to deal with someone with those kinds of problems rather than just that person.
Don't spend too long looking for a solution that just may not be available at the risk of your own health. The relationship with your grandchildren is important and hopefully as they get older the conditions might be relaxed. That will be easier if you have not had too much contact with their mother.

As Stella14 has pointed out you cannot 'get someone sectioned' - if only it were that easy. If someone is a danger to other people or suicidal they can be detained for a very short period of time. All that Stella14 says is true - she obviously has experience of this. The only thing a parent can do is distance themselves from the adult child but still be there for the grandchildren who are the innocent victims in all of this.

This is terrible for all concerned. If she gets picked up by the police she may find herself being sectioned and this would be a relief as at least you would know she was safe and hopefully getting the treatment she needs. Whether or not she takes heed of this is another matter.
She can't possibly live with you as it's making you ill.

I think she needs to be sectioned I am afraid. Not sure if that is possible to arrange? She clearly needs to go lower still to get the help she needs, but doesn't want. You have done absolutley everything you can. More than anyonce could expect of you or you should expect of yourself. If you haven't already, please look into how to get her sectioned. You need a break from this constant trauma.

NanaRayna, this has gone beyond you scope of trying to help her to the point that it is causing problems with your health.
Please, please contact either your GP or social services. Your daughter needs professional help beyond what has been offered so far. She obviously can't or won't cope with voluntary treatment, so I seriously think that she needs to be sectioned in a secure unit for her own sake. The fact that she is wandering around your village crying and swearing and resorting to alcohol makes me think that she wants help from somewhere. Please don't think her behaviour is any reflection on yourself.
Stay with us, let us know how you go

You need help for you. Addiction is a family illness that affects everyone. Contact these, go to there website find meetings for your area and get the help and support you need desperately.

Al- Anon is a fellowship which supports the families of someone whose drinking, lifestyle is affecting everyone around them. You dont need her permission to go. The person can still he drinking or not or sldead or any other combination.

I am a member of 2 12 step programs which are A.A and Al-Anon. The ex is alcoholic. Not in recovery hence my membership plus I have other family that are too. I am 16 years sober myself and still go to A.A as I dont want to drink again. Both programs are about recovery. Good luck

www.al-anonuk.org.uk/meetings/

I have experience of five family members who have experienced mainstream mental illnesses with varying degrees of personal impact. At the end of the day, with careful medication and treatment, it is possible to manage a number of mental health conditions and to lead a “good” life. Not all treatments are completely successful but some psychiatrists do go the extra mile to help as much as possible. Mind in the UK has very good information and a helpline. Don’t despair for there is help out there.

In the UK, you can’t “get” someone sectioned. They have to be a risk of serious physical harm to themselves or others for that to happen. This has to be agreed by a Psychiatrist and a Social Worker. Even when this is the case, they will only be detained on the particular section under the Mental Health Act, for the shortest time necessary to mitigate that risk. I doubt if the OP daughter’s behaviour would meet the criteria. The OP has also said that her daughter will not cooperate with help for her mental health problems. This is not unusual where there is heavy drug and alcohol misuse. It is not possible to impose effective mental health treatment on someone who does not want it.

To the OP, I am so sorry to read of your situation. There are not easy answers. Remember though that your daughter, although clearly very troubled, is making choices that result in her being homeless etc. These are not your choices. Perhaps work on your own boundaries. Some that will give you a little peace of mind. Maybe consider going to a regular Al Anon meeting. This is an organisation that provides help and support for the loved ones of those abusing alcohol and drugs (they are easily found though google). There are meetings in virtually every area. The process should help you ‘detach with love’ and maintain your own boundaries.

This is such a tragic story and my love and prayers go out to you. As others say, you probably can't help your daughter so focus your love on her children instead. Please keep talking to us. This group has helped me so much in the past.

Gonegirl it sounds to me like the help was made available to her but she lacked sufficient insight to cooperate with it.

NanaRayna - she is your daughter and you love her. Your insight into what is going on and your courage in trying to help your girl are amazing and I have so much respect and admiration for you. There are plenty of ideas and advice here already, so no need to add more. I hope fervently that life gets better for both of you in due course. Remember that "all things pass" and this will also.

Sending love and peace to you xxx

Such a heartbreaking post. I have no advice to offer other than what has already been offered on here. I hope you can feel the love and support that is on here for you. Keep in touch so that the love and support can continue. Xx

NanaRayna - you have done all you can - you will crumble if you allow this situation to persist so you call the police and you get your daughter sectioned and sent to a place where she will be contained and cared for by people who are trained professionals and see your daughters behaviour on daily basis - you are not such a professional and if you carry on you will be dead - please listen and don’t feel bad about taking the step - people who are drug and alcohol dependent are suffering from trauma and need proper trauma workers to help them

What a heartbreaking post. Sometimes it’s harder to walk away than it is to help. But for your own sanity, that seems to be your only option.
That’s not easy as you love your daughter.
I just wish you peace and hope that you find a way. Xx

No one doubts the love you have for your daughter. However, its a basic truism that the only person we can change is ourselves. No matter how much love you have your daughter is the only one who can effect a change on herself.
This is a ghastly situation but as with any case of caring the first rule we are taught is to make sure we as carers are safe and well and I doubt that's the case here. Seek support for your needs and take advise that will preserve your health and sanity. Loving a child or a parent is what we are all programmed to do but sometimes we do have to but up a wall either permanently or temporarily on the practical things to preserve ourselves. You will always love your child but at the moment that might not be the best thing for her.
I wish you every strength and hope that you can find your little bit of peace.

We had this problem to a lesser extent with my sister.

I know how you must feel, but honestly, you have done all you can and can do no more.

From my own experience, I know that family is not heard, if anyone is going to be able to get through to your daughter, it will be a nurse, doctor or social worker who is in no way related to her, but doing the job they have been trained for.

I hope and pray someone does get through to her and that you can find the strength to talk yet again to doctors and social workers on her and your behalf.

Concentrate on your grandchildren who you can help and love.

The daughter you love is destroying herself with drink and drugs and nothing you do or say will change that, as until she wants to change no good will be done by you or anyone else trying to help her.

When that day comes, you, I am sure, will help her, but only if you are able now to hand the problem over to those trained to cope with it.

Sending you love ??? and flowers. I agree, a support group of some sort such as Al-anon is a great idea. My mother found so much support there and didn't feel like she was on her own anymore when she contacted them many years ago. With so many pressures on mental health services especially it is not so simple to get someone sectioned, but calling the police when she might be considered threatening is probably the easiest way to get the process going. Big hug.

Heartbreaking as she is your daughter but I agree with the above. I would urgently contact your doctor....she needs support and you will be doing her a favour by going all out to get this from outside agencies. She will not appreciate it now but she may in the future. Feel no guilt at all in reaching out to other professionals.

sorry for whats happening.I used to have several people who in my life who suffered severely with their mental health,i used to think that I could help.I think we can can if they are able to hear and accept the help,some are too far gone and need professional help.With a close family member the situation is near impossible,my heart goes out to you

Your situation sounds heartbreaking.

Some years ago, my brother's mental health deteriorated to the point where he was in danger of starving himself to death. His partner at the time had him assessed and as a result he was sectioned and treated. He was very unhappy with this at the time - obviously - but he did turn a corner with his MH. Up to that point, he was delusional and couldn't trust anyone.

If your daughter is beyond receiving your help, she probably does need professional help, and may need to be sectioned to get that.

It seems unbelievable to me that someone can't be 'sectioned' for their own, and everyone's safety if they are still drinking and taking drugs and behaving as NanaRayna describes.

Can this be true? Thankfully I have no experience of this but she clearly needs to be locked away where she can't access alcohol or drugs, so what else is the answer?

What an horrific situation, but as others have said, your daughter can recover with the right help, so you must focus on that, along with pushing hard for help.

If you have an Al-Anon group near you go to this for help and support. Al-anon is a support group for friends and families of alcoholics where you will get help and support from other members who understand all about alcoholism and its affects on families and friends. You can google them to find out the nearest one to you or phone up AA or Al-Anon

This is a horrible, horrible situation you find yourself in and there is no easy answer. NanaRana you have the support of us all.
Sad to say I don't think your daughter will ever improve. Her mind has been damaged by alchohol and drugs to which she is now addicted and like all addicts she will tell lies, cheat, steal, anything rather than face up to the truth which no longer exists for her. It all tends to go in cycles where you help them out, they seem to improve but it doesn't last and they are soon back to square one in their bad old ways. They can't help themselves and unless an addict truly wants to be cured it will not happen. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I'm sure you will recognise what I am saying.

You can have her sectioned under the Mental Health Act as some have suggested but the moment she shows some improvement they cannot keep her against her will. You could yourself go to Alcoholics Anonymous which is for family as well as the addicted person.

You are suffering a bereavement of the beautiful daughter you once had. Sadly, she no longer exists. I don't know how long your can put up with the heartache and her abuse because that is what it is. You can try tough love as a last resort but it may be too late for that even. Still, you have nothing to lose really by giving it a try -- if you can.

I hope your grandchildren grow up to recognise you for the kind and loving person that you are.

I cannot imagine the stress you must be under. So glad you poured your heart out on here, it might help. However, I do think you need to speak to a professional about this, some organisations have been suggested. If you don't feel right about one of them, try the others. You need objective advice. I suspect you will be told to look after yourself and that no one can do anything about your daughter but hope that there is help for her.

We keep hearing that SS and MH are overstretched and there seems to be an emphasis on young people at the moment. I hope I am wrong but don't want to say anything which makes you feel getting help will be easy.

You must be so torn, if you help her are you enabling her? If you don't help her will you feel guilty and think there was something you should have done? I don't know, just trying to imagine how I would feel.