Aggressive husband

Chloejo - Hugs! And good luck!

I'm in the same situation angry outbursts but nice man at church and lovely to all who meet him. I'm planning to escape and am putting everything in order won't be easy but I can't wait. Peace when he is out at the gym. I hope you manage to escape and gave the life you deserve leave the miserable b..... To fend for himself I wish you well

Thanks for letting us know you're ok, Telegran! Best of luck moving forward!

Hi everyone, just thought I’d better update you all. I’m ok just having a sort out and putting things together “” SPRING CLEANING “ if you get my drift . Anything happens again I’m going to get the police involved immediately please don’t worry if you don’t hear from me nothings happened in all these years only mentally I think the fog is beginning to clear at least I know a lot more now due to everyone on here being so lovely and giving lots of love and advice I thank everyone. Will pop on every week just to update you all. Hope everyone is happy and sort your problems out too. Xxx

Thanks Breeze for explaining about Heidi’s thread error.

I have seen this sort of behaviour used against my sil. Her husband of 40 years kept her in much the same way. All her salary went into his account and he would give her £100 per month to spend on food for the family.

Five years ago she met someone, left my bil and now has a life where she is now at peace with herself and her new life.

They are now divorced, got half his pension, half the house and savings. I used to be a pension administrator and in theory the couple will have all assets including pensions split equally. It is up to the court to decide how the pension is split and will involve actuaries to make calculations. It's an expensive process so be sure to have some money set aside.

Never mind you mother, this is YOUR life not hers. Go live it before it's too late!!

Good luck, and I sincerely hope you will find a new life that you deserve.

As most have said you are living with a domestic abuser and no partner needs to tolerate abuse these days. You can telephone a Domestic abuse line to chat with someone about what you are experiencing. They can't give advice but they can help clarify all the questions you have. Everyone who experiences domestic abuse is in a dark place, it's hard to think straight and they help you to see what is right and what is wrong.

If you are ever threatened please phone the police. If he is using emotional & psychological abuse now it can develop quickly into physical abuse. As it seems to have gone on a long time you must talk about it. I expect your mother, family & friends are aware but do not want to bring it up with you. Have somewhere "safe" to go to in a hurry in case things become too much.
Contact Women's Aid, they can give advice and support.
Don't try and cope with this on your own and all best wishes. And hugs

Are you o.k. Telegran

Think Heidi may have posted on the wrong thread NanKate I think there has been one active about downsizing.

Hope you are ok Telegran you have gone quiet.

What was that all about Heidi ? Not appropriate for this sad thread.

Have recently downsized...... long happy marriage , Rey fab daughters, 3 beautiful granddaughters and now at last a room of my own for my new decade in my new home.... just as Virginia Woolfe recommends, no tv, (not a fan at all) but good radio and CD player, bookshelves, desk and computer, view, space for photo albums, sewing etc. and tucked away, most of the time, the ironing board, love it all... and highly recommend such, makes hubby happy to see me happy, and who knows I might even write that book! Try it ladies!

I can’t add anything to the detailed and supportive posts you’ve received on here but wanted to say please put yourself and your children first. I wish you good health and much happiness for the future. Please stay safe and stay strong. xx ?

Congratulations, Pudding! And Rainsong, also, since I take it you got out!

TeddyIII, I'm shocked at your GP's answer. I hope you look into leaving if your h is often this way, unless it's a health issue.

Telegran, I feel like I'm getting mixed messages from you. One minute it sounds like you're preparing to leave, and the next you're not so sure what your feelings are. Am I misreading? I hope you sort it all out soon and remove yourself from this unhappy situation. Best of luck!

I lived like that for years. If you can, leave him. He won't change.

Your husband sounds exactly like my 46 yr old son who has Borderline Personality Disorder. Unfortunately he also has MS and is on a Disability Pension and is unable to afford the cost of private rental so he lives with me. I, too, have to deal with the mental, physical and verbal abuse on a daily basis but he too, can change instantly when other people are around. Most people (other than my other son and daughter) don't believe what I have told them about him. My sister says "Oh. Well. Other people have to put up with it He's your son . You've got to look after him". Every relationship he has had has ended in violence and/or AVO's taken out against him. That doesn't seem to count for much when he can twist the police around his little finger and can convince them everything is my (or other people's fault}. The woman he is seeing at the moment has taken the pressure off me by also being verbally and mentally abused. I have tried to warn her by telling her she has seen how he treats me and that will be her life if she stays with him. He belittles and mocks her but she always has an excuse and a reason why her behaviour has caused this reaction. Sorry. I didn't mean to take over this thread. I just wanted to tell Telegran that she should get the hell out of there, or else she will be living in constant fear like I am. I can't see any way out of my situation but Telegran can hopefully get help and support and move on.

Womens Aid will help you - just google them for a contact number and they will assist you in sorting out your life. Simples !!! If in danger phone the Police - they will take you to the nearest WA house.

Emotional support from Gransnet is one thing but practical support from WA will be a different experience altogether - it will focus you entirely.

Hi thanks. I’m going to get out I need to find myself I feel numb as if I don’t know myself anymore. I can’t believe it’s been such a long time and I didn’t know the extent until I came on here yesterday. I’m sure someone will take me in somewhere lol if not it’s nice sunny weather for a field lol

Please do something. This is abuse and unless he is ill or has a problem that is causing him to be like this you need to get some help. Please speak to someone, maybe start with you GP? This is not going to get any better and i hate to say this but it may get worse. My heart goes out to you as i know some of what you are going through. I got out and i am so glad i did. Be strong and make that decision, you will be glad you did too. XX

Hi nanak54 don’t worry it’s the same old if he did hit me I’d ring the police immediately they do know he hit a family member not long ago . The family member has also told them things I’m sure because he’s close to me but only young but was hit by this excuse of a man . Thanks but please don’t worry I will keep safe and my devices are secure so he won’t see anything.

I am seriously concerned for your safety, for goodness sake don't let him see this thread.
Sending kind thoughts

I’m in the same house with him but if I disappear in another room for long he creeps in trying to catch me out he’s done it a few times today even to the point he’s made me jump . I’ve been on here most of today he thinks I’m reading a book on iPad

Why are you still around him when he is like this towards you ? Asking if this is abuse shows how conditioned you are to this appalling behaviour. Th say how many years this has been going on for, it is awful. I suggest that you get out whilst you can, he obviously doesn’t deserve you and is wearing you down You deserve much better.

My mum thinks the sun shines out of him . She’s 90 hasn’t a clue but you made you bed you must lie in it kind of attitude anyway. I am definitely leaving without a doubt I’ve started getting paperwork together already today bit at a time while “ nipping to the loo” etc.... he’s still not spoke anyway so hopefully he will give up and go first fingers crossed and if he doesn’t then I will get the police to do it they already know about the last incident when he hit a family member this year. He’s a bully with a massive ego

You are definitely being psychologically abused with the threats against you. He needs to address his attitude and behaviour towards you. Have you considered going to Social Services. They will advise on what you can do, refuges, how to plan your leaving and financial information.

Agreed.