Should I move out

Saggi. From what you say your OH and others like him, are prime candidates for DVT, which kills thousands of people every year........

get another tv...and then shut the door on him .let him grouch .miserable old s*d.i would go my own way .you can still live there .but make it plain he can do his own washing etc.if you really peed off ,move out ..why spend anymore years with someone you cant get on with.....

You both sound as if you are in a very boring rut- him with his sport, you with your soaps. What attracted you to each other? What did you do together? Why so many dogs? There must be something that has kept you together all this time- can you find some common ground now? Walking the dogs together? Finding a tv programme you both enjoy? Going to the pub?

Thanks, Barmeyoldbat! But really, I was just quoting other posters here. Your post is very helpful, too, imo.

Brilliant solution Saggi your own peaceful sanctum with minimal disruption. Good on you.

Good advice Starlady. Would also if you have a joint tenancy for your Council House, then you could stay BUT either get a divorce or separation order and live separate lives in the same house. You let the Council know that you want to move. They will put you on the housing list but not as a priority but you will still be on the list. Also if you have joint tenancy and you move into rented accommodation then you are making yourself homeless and they will not help. We all go through doubt about the life we are living so you not alone, you just need to find a way around it that isn't too drastic and not make our situation worse.

''If you can think of one reason, no matter how small, to stay, then you really don't want to go. If you really wanted to go ... nothing would stop you''

Best advice^ on this thread, imo!

"Do you love your husband ? I think that really is the main question"

And this^^ probably is the best question. Because if you still love him, Vauxhall, then I'm sure you'll find a way to make do with a second tv or watching on your laptop and finding fun things to do on your own. You say you don't have many friends, but couldn't you socialize with those you have? Or join new groups and make new friends?

If you don't love him, then none of these suggestions will help very much, and you'll want to leave.

Imo, it's that simple - and that complicated.

Saggi - great solutions!

Vauxhall I asked yesterday but you have not answered

Do you love your husband ? I think that really is the main question

Sorry to hear of your situation Vauxhall. Sounds you are feeling incredibly lonely. Would you and he agree to couples counselling? Ignore any negative messages on here, it's not the place to be unkind to people suffering. X

You don't have to leave to get a life and get things changed, think hard and long. You will be losing the security of a home, for what? I have said it before could still share a house as friends, talk to him.

If he adamantly refuses to do anything with you as he prefers watching his own choice of tv all the time I would definitely consider leaving. Are you though going to be able to financially? That is a biggy but may be worth any struggle to have something out of life. As for the dog, why not get your own one, dog rescue centres can give you a big choice and they would love someone like you having experience already of being a dog owner. Good Luck whatever you chose.

This is no life for you vauxhall58. If you feel that you can go it alone why not? Why should any woman put up with a man who is selfish and wants to be waited on? I bet you cook, mend and clean for him. Marriage is give and take on both sides, not just his.

Why not look for a bolt hole first? Perhaps you have friends (or friends of friends) who can put you up for a week or so until you have thought up a plan. You do not say if you are working. At 59 you could surely find a part time job or even voluntary work. That would enable you to have more scope to your life. There is nothing men hate more than to see their wife happy and content. Never let a man know what you hate doing. You could volunteer in an animal sanctuary perhaps? A charity shop?

Don't give up on yourself. What is the point of staying in a marriage if you might as well be free to do as you please.

It does depend on the council with the rehousing policy.
I had to leave my husband as he had become mentally unstable and wasn’t safe for the children and I but his mental health team wouldn’t help him until he had carried the threats through.
I took the three children and myself to my mums, was still very near our own home and same council.
I rang for help to get somewhere to live and was told that as the house was joint tenancy and I had also made myself deliberately homeless they wouldn’t do anything unless I went to my husband and got him to sign the tenancy over to me so look into it very carefully before deciding what you want to do.
Good luck

Actually, Vauxhall, you have just contradicted yourself a bit. You say "thank you for the positive comments" and in the next breath say GN's were "not much help at all, just really heartless people".
Rather unkind, I think, on your part, because actually most posters were trying to offer support and advice. What has confused many is that on the surface, you seem to want to leave the marriage based on how much sport your DH watches except when he "allows" you to watch soaps.
I suspect your problems lie much deeper than how much tv your DH watches, but posters can only make guesses and therefore not offer much in depth advice because what you are saying or rather, not saying.
From what you are saying, I can only suggest that you try discussing with your DH what is really troubling you and take it from there.As I say, I suspect your issues go much deeper than how much tv and what kind of tv, your DH watches.

Seakay :You may be "thinking" of Ulysses. Thanks for correcting me. I’m laughing at myself now. It’s so long ago since I did it in uni. I just remembered loving the uninterrupted flow. And that’s what Vauxhall’s sad flow of thoughts reminded me of. ?

Specs

Stream of consciousness writing is not defined by punctuation or a lack of it.

"a literary style in which a character's thoughts, feelings, and reactions are depicted in a continuous flow uninterrupted by objective description or conventional dialogue"

Dubliners is a collection of short stories. You may be "thinking" of Ulysses

5 dogs would take a lot of looking after on your own and couldn't really be left alone if you were at work or decided to have a day out or go on holiday.
They would also cost a lot to feed.
No council would dream of putting you on a waiting list if your reasons for leaving were as spurious as husband watching too much tv and not going out.
I hope some of us have been able to persuade you to re-think the situation and stay put but make a different life for yourself at home.
I get the feeling that trips to the theatre, WI, knitting, sewing, baking and joining clubs are not your 'thing'.
That makes it difficult to make friends. I think you spend far too much time indoors and would benefit from some outside activity. Do you like gardening? Maybe you could make changes to your own garden and spend more time outdoors this summer. There's a gardening thread on GN and plenty of advice from keen gardeners should you need it.
Life is what you make it and I hope you can see possibilities in the advice offered here.

you say you are not happy but maybe he isnt either can you really just give up or is it worth talking to try to change things seems a shame to throw so many years away without trying

Vauxhall a straight question requiring a straight answer
Do you love your husband of 21 years?

Vauxhall58, do you live your whole life as one long sentence? I’m not criticising your lack of punctuation, but I think you should stop every now and again to take a breath. Perhaps you will then be able to think more clearly.

Will your life be any better on your own? Worrying about money, paying the bills. OK you may have a TV but your outgoings are going o be great as GG54 said. Why can't you make a life for yourself sharing the house and come to an agreement about sharing the TV programme. If its more you want, days out, companionship etc then get out and join some groups. My son has divorced his wife but they still share a house living separate lives. It can work.

Lots of people seem to be suggesting that the council will just come up with a smaller property so the OP can leave but I doubt they will and why should they. Why should the state be expected to rehouse anyone just because they can't make a relationship work. Surely it's each individual's problem and they must find their own solution at their own expense. No wonder there is a housing crisis!

Saggi love you obviously this wont work for everyone but it works for you.
OP
I just want you to know that Im not being awful .You can do some things to make your life a life of contentment and to a degree happiness.
Whilst you decide on what to do. Improve yourself honestly I think you do need help due to menopause.
I wonder how he feels about you? I think you both resent yourselves and the reasons are clear.
Its not a crime to fall out of love the crime is not knowing why.
Im.in tbe process off ending my marriage 25 years wasted.
I decided life is so short
Its funny all this sorrow, happiness.
Who can see into the future?
Take control change what you want to change .Work on yourself as well.

If it's only over control of the tv, I, personally, wouldn't even contemplate leaving my husband, I would have done it 50 years ago if it had been an issue with me, as he's always had control of it. I can't say I haven't been hurt at times that my feelings haven't been considered. Surely, your issues must go deeper than his lack of consideration over the TV. I'd give it a good deal of thought, it takes a great deal courage to up sticks and leave to start a new life.