not allowed to see grand daughter

I’m puzzled. How does nannytracey know what the school is doing?

I'm guessing because this all happened in quick sucession and is all very recent? Thats why I asked the OP about time lines as its hard to follow without knowing how long its been going on or what happened when so hard to advise.

Schools do provide sort of group therapy (usually not called that, called "nurture" group or similar) for children adjusting to any life changes (or struggling with relationships at school). It doesnt mean the children who go are "messed up" necessarily..

Sounds like the last time the OP saw the DD there was a row between OP and DD which the GC witnessed, so of course she will have been distressed at the time.

I’m puzzled. How does nannytracey know what the school is doing?

agnurse - and in the meantime, waiting for daughter to come round - there is one very disturbed little girl. I would want to know why.

Could it be an early sign of coercive control?
It sounds like that to me, too.

Very worrying that this person is new in your DD's and DGD's life but is already distancing them from all the family and not just you because you may have spoken out of turn. I wonder what right he thinks he has to stop a grandmother seeing her grandchild when he is not a relation to the child at all?

I would be worried that the new partner is not allowing you to see your DGD especially as she is showing signs of disturbed behaviour sufficient for the school to be involved. At least school is aware and she is having therapy.

If you are worried about your grand daughter, speak to Social Services, they will treat your information with care and not tell the family who reported them to SS.

Sounds to me as if your daughter's new partner is a controlling partner trying to cut her off from her family so that she and her daughter are entirely under his control.

I think the best thing to do for the moment is nothing. See if her siblings can keep up a clandestine contact with her without her partner knowing and be ready to rescue her and provide a secure refuge for her when she tries to make a run for it.

Also, if the OP says she tried "everything" then that presunably includes time and space for everyone to decompress? No?

Which is why I asked the OP for the timescales as its unclear

No but it does seem like, if I am reading this correctly, the OP and family WERE seeing them when they all asked for MORE contact which is when the DD said she would go NO contact

Don't see anywhere that the OP has said her daughter has asked for space, perhaps I missed that bit?

It sounds like, is this correct? INITIALLY you all were seeing the DD and GC, just less of them because her life had changed a bit (single to coupled.. so naturally will be less available) and then all of you demanded to see no less of them than before and that made the DD just back off from all of you completely?

i have tried every way to get communications back but nothings working

Have you tried doing nothing? Its an active choice. While you are "trying everything" she may feel bombarded and her defenses are up.

I dont understand this parragraph:

no i was but that has ceased, i really dont know what to do i tried to gain access have a conversation about regular access and my daughter made such a fuss in front of my grand daughter, she was in bits crying saying that means i will never see you again , i cannot repeat that thats no good to anyone

For that to happen on front of your GC you must have been seeing your grandchild... so why were you asking for fixed contact arrangements at that point? You seem to be jumping the gun, that is language people use when they havent been seeing the child at all, not when they ARE seeing them???

What is the timescale on all of this?

If it hasnt been going on a long time I would suggest give a little space for the dust to settle and tempers to calm.

Going in too soon with mediation, which should be a LAST resort, could make things worse not better

Similar situation that I am in with my eldest son. No way would I go down the mediation route I feel it would just make them dig there heels in.

So sad when this happens. All you can do is let your daughter know that your door is always open if she wants to make contact, give her space without demands and hope that at some point she comes back. If she is in a coercive/abusive relationship she will need support, and may well come looking for support from family.

Trying to get access to your GD could cause more trouble than it helps. I hope that your daughter sees sense soon.

It sounds as if you may have overstepped when you were at theirs previously. While I don't think a single incident (unless it was serious) justifies estrangement, I think you may need to give your daughter some space.

I would not suggest going down a legal route, simply because it may backfire. If you lose, the odds are that your daughter will never allow you to see your GD again. I would also suggest not going to see her at school or popping round - daughter has asked for space and this is incredibly disrespectful to her.

For now, I think you need to just wait it out. Daughter may eventually come round.

So, it would seem that all this has started since the new man (I'm assuming it's a man?) came on the scene.

Has your daughter given any reason for this? "I'm really busy" or anything at all?

As said, this doesn't sound good. What happens if any of your children call round? Are they invited in, or kept on the doorstep?

i really do have to go to work catch up tomorrow

i hope not phoenix thats what cab said

all my children live near

no i was but that has ceased, i really dont know what to do i tried to gain access have a conversation about regular access and my daughter made such a fuss in front of my grand daughter, she was in bits crying saying that means i will never see you again , i cannot repeat that thats no good to anyone

"Live" near enough!

Do they love near enough to just "casually" pop round?

Tbh, it sounds wrong to me, usually people in a new relationship are more than happy to introduce the new person to the family, albeit not all at once.

Could it be an early sign of coercive control?

I've got one of those. Yes to everything then quietly does nothing at all.

Oh my goodness, nannytracy.
I've been in a similar situation, and it is so difficult isn't it?
You want the best for your AC and GC but they don't see it the same way!
Mediation, (if it was available) could backfire on you.

You say you have seen gd twice, does that mean you are still in contact albeit limited?

i have to go to work now thank you for your reply