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not allowed to see grand daughter

(161 Posts)
nannytracey Mon 29-Apr-19 16:10:20

hi all i am new
i am looking for some advise about mediation . i have a lovely family. 6 beautiful grandchildren and unfortunately one of my daughters has stopped me from seeing my grand daughter , due to a new love in her life , and its awful , not only have i been stopped but the entire family so my grand daughter has lost her aunt's uncles cousins and me, i have tried every way to get communications back but nothings working,
so i went to cab and they have suggested i go down the mediation route any thoughts ?

Eglantine21 Mon 29-Apr-19 16:38:44

Hmm, I don’t see how mediation will work. Both parties would need to agree to it so if your daughter is not communicating with her family I doubt that she would come to a mediation meeting.

I’m surprised CAB have thought it was an option.

EllanVannin Mon 29-Apr-19 16:42:14

Has anyone in the family this " new love ?"

EllanVannin Mon 29-Apr-19 16:42:58

* met this " new love ?"

Dontaskme Mon 29-Apr-19 16:44:03

As Eglantine has already said you cannot mediate with yourself - would your DD agree to go?
CAB have once again have, imo, given very poor advice.

nannytracey Mon 29-Apr-19 16:44:21

i think they suggested it as it has come to the point that it is pretty much the only option left but thankyou for your reply

sodapop Mon 29-Apr-19 16:47:01

No I don't either Eglantine I am puzzled by the reason given for the loss of contact.
I don't understand why a new partner should prevent the entire family seeing your granddaughter nannytracey are you able to give us more information? It's sad that the child should miss out on family life.

nannytracey Mon 29-Apr-19 16:59:45

we have met the new love, but he wasn't very welcoming, i used to look after my grand daughter every w end so her mum could go to work , my grand daughter found it very hard to accept him as it was just her and her mum for 7 years . and we done all we could to encourage that it was a good thing that mummy was happy,
but she was terribly naughty because of the situation so found herself being disciplined by both on a regular basis , unfortunately i visited on a bad day tried to defuse the situation a little and then the new love threw me out, with my daughters blessing .
since that day i have seen my grand daughter twice, last time i see her she was a very mixed up little girl who is now in therapy at school its just a mess , but the school reassure me she is ok. so other than mediation i dont know what else to do

nannytracey Mon 29-Apr-19 17:00:21

it is sad sodapop

phoenix Mon 29-Apr-19 17:01:58

So why has this "new love" managed to somehow stop contact with the entire family??

What do the rest of the family think? Have any of your other children spoken to your daughter about this situation?

nannytracey Mon 29-Apr-19 17:08:29

yes my children have spoken to her about the situation she is absolutely fine in their company , they make arrangements to text , you think great unfortunately like me they are blocked on every single thing
my other children are just as confused as me tbh

nannytracey Mon 29-Apr-19 17:10:38

i have to go to work now thank you for your reply

Namsnanny Mon 29-Apr-19 17:10:46

Oh my goodness, nannytracy.
I've been in a similar situation, and it is so difficult isn't it?
You want the best for your AC and GC but they don't see it the same way!
Mediation, (if it was available) could backfire on you.

You say you have seen gd twice, does that mean you are still in contact albeit limited?

Namsnanny Mon 29-Apr-19 17:12:36

I've got one of those. Yes to everything then quietly does nothing at all.

phoenix Mon 29-Apr-19 17:14:00

Do they love near enough to just "casually" pop round?

Tbh, it sounds wrong to me, usually people in a new relationship are more than happy to introduce the new person to the family, albeit not all at once.

Could it be an early sign of coercive control?

phoenix Mon 29-Apr-19 17:14:56

"Live" near enough!

nannytracey Mon 29-Apr-19 17:17:58

no i was but that has ceased, i really dont know what to do i tried to gain access have a conversation about regular access and my daughter made such a fuss in front of my grand daughter, she was in bits crying saying that means i will never see you again , i cannot repeat that thats no good to anyone

nannytracey Mon 29-Apr-19 17:18:59

all my children live near

nannytracey Mon 29-Apr-19 17:19:38

i hope not phoenix thats what cab said

nannytracey Mon 29-Apr-19 17:20:54

i really do have to go to work catch up tomorrow

phoenix Mon 29-Apr-19 17:23:11

So, it would seem that all this has started since the new man (I'm assuming it's a man?) came on the scene.

Has your daughter given any reason for this? "I'm really busy" or anything at all?

As said, this doesn't sound good. What happens if any of your children call round? Are they invited in, or kept on the doorstep?

agnurse Mon 29-Apr-19 17:24:36

It sounds as if you may have overstepped when you were at theirs previously. While I don't think a single incident (unless it was serious) justifies estrangement, I think you may need to give your daughter some space.

I would not suggest going down a legal route, simply because it may backfire. If you lose, the odds are that your daughter will never allow you to see your GD again. I would also suggest not going to see her at school or popping round - daughter has asked for space and this is incredibly disrespectful to her.

For now, I think you need to just wait it out. Daughter may eventually come round.

overwhichhill Mon 29-Apr-19 17:24:48

So sad when this happens. All you can do is let your daughter know that your door is always open if she wants to make contact, give her space without demands and hope that at some point she comes back. If she is in a coercive/abusive relationship she will need support, and may well come looking for support from family.

Trying to get access to your GD could cause more trouble than it helps. I hope that your daughter sees sense soon.

Bopeep14 Mon 29-Apr-19 17:47:00

Similar situation that I am in with my eldest son. No way would I go down the mediation route I feel it would just make them dig there heels in.

notanan2 Mon 29-Apr-19 17:55:59

What is the timescale on all of this?

If it hasnt been going on a long time I would suggest give a little space for the dust to settle and tempers to calm.

Going in too soon with mediation, which should be a LAST resort, could make things worse not better