Over sensitive?

I had a hospital appointment that I was worried about. We checked my DC's shifts and they were not working at the time of the appointment, having finished 4 or 5 hours before the time.
I was babysitting/childminding DC's child, my DGC, 3 or 4 days a week. I was always on time and did not object to any arrangement such as go miles to collect DGC and take them to their house or my house.
The time to leave for the appointment came but no DC. I went alone, thinking myself so brave. After the procedure, I was a shaking wreck. I had to call a friend to collect me. The problem is that my friend had seen how much babysitting I did and also had seen my being unreasonably shouted at and so had a bad impression of my DC.
I was expected to babysit/childmind the next day but I said I could not because of the after effects. That led to a riot of nasty messages!
Surely family should try to help each other.

Good luck. With op. Our hospital has a voluntary group of helpers who can accompany someone alone . Maybe you could check this out at your particular hospital for future visits

Speedy recovery Anne. You are just very anxious about your op and every little thing is magnified.
I had an operation on my breast 2 years ago. My daughter was great......took me in for the op and picked me up. One son and daughterinlaw brought me some food for the evening I was discharged....the other son was working away, but his wife didn't visit. I didn't mind, because she has two little ones. If I thought about it, I could have got offended, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. That's the best way....you don't give yourself a chance to get hurt.
All the best for tomorrow xx

Should read
give to us

Anne
I do not currently have your problem (other ones) but my reaction would be precisely the same as yours so l fully understand where you are coming from.
All l can say is the less we expect from people the more hopefully they will give to them and hopefully there conscience will kick in if we don't pressurise them. Your son loves you.

I will check in with you myself here on Saturday and see that you are ok. Cannot do much but l will be thinking of you Anne.
Very best. Dawn xx

Best wishes for your op, and a speedy recovery.

I'm widowed and dread any type of op where I'd need my son's help, he lives an hour away and I know he'd probably not be able to come. I feel a need to be looked after when I'm scared, and sadly have no-one to rely on but myself. My aunt on the Isle of Wight recently had a cataract op and a kind neighbour accompanied her to the hospital.

Take it easy.

xx

Good luck with the procedures, I hope all goes well. Sounds like your son made an effort for you but circumstances have now made collection impossible. Personally I wouldn’t dream of expecting either of my sons to collect me from hospital. I tend to be very self sufficient and if needs be would get a taxi home. My outlook is: we never own our children and therefore should never ask, need or expect anything from them.

It’s not that I’m unsympathetic to your position - No one wants to go through any kind of procedure alone. Do you not have any friends who could pick you up and stay with you? Or you with them?
It really is short notice for your son to arrange leave just a few days in advance, having been cancelled from last week. God forbid, but what’s to say it won’t be cancelled again? and having arranged time off ( and all the aggro that can cause ) he would have to rearrange again.
If he can’t get time off work, what exactly would you like him to do? So yes unfortunately, I think your expectations are too high. It’s not as if he won’t be around to look after you on Saturday?
Reading between the lines, maybe you don’t see as much of your son and the GC as you would like and were hoping to be made more of a fuss of as you are going into hospital and so are feeling disappointed? I speak as someone who ran around for years looking after my parents with various health issues and it nearly broke me, my career and my family. Don’t put too much pressure on your son or he may come to resent it.
I Hope all goes well with your stents on Friday. ?

You are so lucky to have your family nearby.
Try having a surgical procedure when your family lives 11,000miles away! I had to arrange a lift with our local support group and there was no-one at home on my return to even make me a cuppa!

havent you got a friend to be with you...?? your son has busy family. but then again he could have changed a day to be with your (family crisis) most companies are compassionate.
.

Sounds as though your son does help as much as he can. Its not always easy to get time off work at short notice. As you are staying overnight hope this helps. Maybe arrange a taxi or ask a friend or neighbour to pick you up. Hope your procedure goes well. The hospital might be able to arrange transport - most have "friends who transport patients.

I do think you are over reacting and some. I've had this procedure on my own twice and come home by cab. I prefer my husband to stay home and look after my dogs, so I don't have to worry. These are minor procedures nowadays, try not to worry.

I think you are being over-sensitive, perhaps because you are stressed.

You're very lucky to have your son and family almost opposite. Many of us would wish for that! But I don't think you can expect him to be available for you at any time you wish it when he has a job, a wife and a young family.

I am not sure why you threw in the extra comment about having to make an appointment to see them. Isn't that what most respectful parents do? I think having high expectations of treating adult children's homes as one's own is one of the causes of alienating daughters- or sons-in-law. I don't mind if my AC turn up here unannounced but I wouldn't dream of doing the same to them. I even make an appointment to phone my daughter as she has an extremely busy life as a single parent with a fulltime job and children. Much better to phone/call in when you're expected and can be welcomed surely? I don't think that's anything to be offended about.

I wish you all the best with having your stents fitted and hope you soon feel the benefit. for you.

I think we feel extra-sensitive when we have health issues that are being dealt with so I totally get how you feel, even though as others have said, your son is probably doing what he can. I'd have been more worried about you being home alone all night only hours after the surgery so am glad to hear you'll have that time in hospital. I too wouldn't just drop in on my children without a phone call first to check it's convenient. After all, it's not just your son's home, it's his wife's too. Good luck - I do hope we get to hear that you're feeling a lot better when you get home.

Goodness seadragon, what a trek for you in vulnerable circumstances!

I had a similar experience in 2016 but it was my sister who planned to collect me (a 4 hour round trip for her) but when the hospital kept me in overnight, she could not rearrange so I had to get a taxi and a train. Fortunately my husband was able to come over from the isles to accompany me (I'd told him not to bother when I set off as I'd 'be fine') but had no car. However we requested assistance at the station which meant our luggage was taken care of and we were taken on to a quiet platform and to a convenient seats. I had to have 3 stents (big surprise) but am fighting fit now, thanks to the wonderful NHS. I completely understood my sister had other commitments but I still felt very frightened and vulnerable.

Anne107, You are normally but not overly sensitive.

Your son is obviously not generally neglectful, cannot get off work on that day, and doesn't know you feel a little let down by him. Your relationship with the family seems to be very sound.

Best not say anything to him now about it. You did well to write to the grans instead. I am sure it will all blow over very soon.

Glad you are now staying in hospital overnight l wouldn’t llike to be aline either.

As we get older, so do our children. My son is now 42 with a child of his own, his work is physically demanding. He works antisocial hours and is on call at times. Although he lives with me (really good reasons why this suits us both)
I always make my own arrangements for everything. IF he then decides that he wants to, and is able to help me, that's great, but I don't expect it.
I spent 30 years running around after my disabled mum who seemed to think I should do everything she couldn't, as well as caring for my other son with severe learning difficulties. She never saw me working until 1am at times to catch up with my work. I was a widow, self employed, if I didn't work I couldn't pay the bills.
Enjoy what your son can do for you, don't complain about what he can't. Getting home from a hospital is so easy. They will have details of local taxis!

I gather the reason for the stents are that there's been a heart attack ? I query this because over the past 3 years 3 of the male neighbours each had heart attacks which resulted in immediate admissions to hospital where stents were duly fitted without any appointment, naturally, because each case was a matter of life and death.

I am wondering if you ever worked full time? I did, as a teacher. My parents just didnt understand and often asked me to collect them from places, accompany them to appointments, or deliver things for them. I know they were disappointed when I didnt, the best I could do was order them a taxi.Of course eventually they died and I had to continue with my career to support my family, and contribute to my own pension.

Obviously your son has made an effort to try to get Friday off, and work commitments mean that he can't do it.
I am glad you live so close to your family, but it is always best to ask first before visiting. I was a little peeved when my son and 18 year old granddaughter popped in the other day and I had not tidied up or anything as I had been looking at Gransnet instead!
Good luck with the op, and it is good that you c an stay overnight. I have a friend who had stents put in 10 years ago and he is fine, so don't worry.

Please don't be concerned about the stents being fitted. My husband is going through the same procedure next week and I have friends who've already gone through the same and its quite routine and usually doesn't require an overnight stay but even if you are sent home, your family are still close enough to be on call. So please don't worry.
Regarding calling in on your family, my mother in law had a terrible habit of dropping in when she liked, which annoyed me because there were times it just wasn't convenient, so calling ahead is always more preferable.

If your son has Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday off already chances are that he has already requested Friday off but work are short staffed, I know this happens where I work. I would prefer to have all my days off as a block rather than 2 days off, work 1, then have another off so I think it could be work rather than him. Good luck for the op and I hope you are feeling better soon.

oh Anne, sounds a bit like me... my gks live approx 6 miles away, and I wouldn`t dream of just popping in, particularly if just across the road.... I don`t like anyone just popping in, though our eldest gs, a dear soul, nearly21, he just popped in the other day, but I think that was because we had put him off coming a week or so previous! I appreciated him taking the bull by the horns as it were.
and I so agree with most what everyone else has said. we do tend to minimise to our kids our aches and pains, I know I do... and why should we burden them with how we are feeling...

wishing you well, and praying here for your op on Friday. glad the hospital keeping you in overnight.