I have been married for 11 years and with my husband for a total of 13 years. I have always had a decent relationship with my in-laws. My husband has had a difficult relationship with his parents, which they refuse to acknowledge even though he has tried to discuss it with them. In the beginning he often was annoyed that I was so open with them. But I come from a very open family so it’s still hard for me to be as closed off as he is with them. He didn’t even tell them he was starting chemo, while he was living with them. I showed up to take him to his appointment and they asked why I was there, so that kinda gives you an example of the relationship.
My husband and I both are very uncomfortable with the way his father is with our 2 girls. Neither of us will allow alone time between him and the kids. He has recently retired and in the beginning he text me everyday asking to come over. My husband said he prefers my FIL only come when my husband is there. I am a stay at home mom with a 3 year old and a baby, I feel so awkward coming up with excuses for him not to come. He has slowed his asking to just a couple of times a week. Often when I tell him to come in the early evening, when my husband is home, he declines.
Another issue is that they are always asking for overnights with the kids. We aren’t the kind of parents that have our kids stay other places. My in-laws for a long time assumed this was my “issue” and made very condescending remarks about it. They recently tried to pressure my husband into it and now there is no doubt that we are a united front.
There is no way to put all of the issues/circumstances in one post. I really want a happy and comfortable relationship with my in-laws. I’m happy to have them around frequently. I adore my mother in-law. (I think our relationship has always been complicated on her side, she cried the first we met and told me she felt like she was losing her son.)We see them at least once a week. But I can feel that they are growing colder and resentful of me. It feels like anything they dislike they place on me because they don’t want to admit that their son may not be pleased with everything they do. This has escalated since our daughters came. My MIL is my main focus, I want her to know I love her and value her and would like more of a connection. But I also need to be firm in what we want as a family. I feel like I’m coming up short when I try to keep boundaries and make her feel wanted at the same time. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
He wants to be in control - daughter's labour
I'm being annoying - grandchild
He's a sociopath - daughter's partner