Here I go. I don't know if I just need to write this down or am looking for some kind of reassurance. My BF and I met Nov 2017. Both 59, we're now 61. We have so much in common it's crazy. Walking, cycling, gardening, he's funny and we laugh a lot. At least we did. After 7 months we moved in together. It wasn't taken lightly, he was afraid his mortgage was going to go up a lot. We looked at him selling the house and it didn't sell. So when it came down to it the last resort was I would move in. My lease on my flat was up anyway so hey why not. We're old enough now.
So it was pretty great in the beginning, for about 3 months. Then, he took the loving away. No holding hands, hugs, and the sex was gone. He takes viagra which I said doesn't bother me in the least. I would try and talk to him about it and he'd get mad and defensive. I said I'd go to the doctor with him, ya know, moral support. Nope, he got really mad one day and said if he never have sex again it wouldn't bother me. If I wanted to find someone to have sex with that's fine, just be home at night. Are you friggin kidding me? Never gonna happen. So we plod along, I go in for hugs and kisses and well that's fine, I can live with it.
So, then I discover, he met up with his ex. I asked him about it and he got mad. I asked him why he lied and hid his meeting with her. Said they met for coffee. He said because he knew I would react like this. I said would it not have been better to tell me? No I wouldn't have been happy but I would know and I would accept it. I would never say who someone can and can't be friends with. However, he told me about her and I asked his a few times why on earth would you want to be friends with her? If I had known he was still hung up on her I definitely would not have moved in.
It's almost a year since we moved in together. He contacts her in almost a desperate way. The met up again last week and I found out by accident about this one. We had a blow out and we calmed down. Hmm. But, now it's like he has 'permission' to contact her, but he is still keeping it from me. Yes, I can read their messages and they do flirt. I just keep telling myself, well you're here, she isn't and they're only talking. Oh, and he claimed to really dislike her daughter who is now 13 and says he is concerned for her, she has autism. That he meets up with her to hear about the kid. The kid is fine, I think it's an excuse to see the mum. sigh. I don't know.
Now the ex and family are off on a holiday and he is liking their pictures and oh gawd. I don't know.
Plus, he made a stink about sex again, geez, it's like ya can't roll over in bed and hug him and he says all you want is sex. Well, yeah, once in a while would be nice. But, no I just want a damn hug! So big argument, I am now in the second bedroom which is now mine. He is happy as Larry. Talking to the ex, me in the next room. He still plans for our future retirement together. He is really in debt too because when he was with her they were so irresponsible with money and now he is paying for it. They went on all these expensive holidays, which is great, only think is all on credit. She apparently never reached into her pocket.
Anyway, there is more like we'll be looking through Netflix for a movie and I'll say how about this one, he says naw not interested. I go down tonight to get a cup of tea and he's watching it! This isn't the first time he's done that.
I wonder if he actually even likes me. Gets my rent. We have dinner together, go the pub together. Although I go to the gym and am in pretty good shape, he is getting a bigger tum all the time.
Sorry for the rant and the length. Thank you all for listening.
I think it's time for me to go.
